Author Topic: Depression and Anxiety  (Read 43145 times)

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Offline hockeyfan1

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #360 on: July 15, 2019, 03:57:24 PM »
I wish you all the best, Kevin, in your fight against this disease.  Good to know that youíre getting better and getting your life together.

Godspeed to you and always feel free to share & chat.  Weíll always be here for you.  Thatís what (online) friends are for, too.  :)

Offline sucka

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #361 on: July 16, 2019, 09:51:38 PM »
Itís been 8 years since I last posted here.  Going through some rough times and remembering this thread, I came looking for inspiration and surprised to see itís still up fresh.  I read through all 25 pages today.   I donít know you but whether youíre still dealing with it or living in the sunshine, youíre still here and that means youíre winning and that gives me hope.  Even that bit from Highlander about 3 bouts of suicidal ideation on avg  is inspiration in a wierd way.   I guess Iím on my second and odds are I should get through this and wait for the 3rd.   By then, Hopefulyl my girls are no longer needing me. 

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #361 on: July 16, 2019, 09:51:38 PM »

Offline sucka

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #362 on: July 16, 2019, 10:03:43 PM »

[/quote]

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin
[/quote]
Iím doing more than listening.   If u can pull through then that means can we can too.  Keep fighting bro, donít let us down!

Offline 50 Mission Cap

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #363 on: July 30, 2019, 04:54:35 PM »
Well after 21 long and hard days, I'm back home. Looking forward to a fresh start.

Offline Guilt Trip

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #364 on: July 30, 2019, 04:58:14 PM »
Well after 21 long and hard days, I'm back home. Looking forward to a fresh start.
Excellent. You can do this!! Best wishes moving forward.

Offline Zee

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #365 on: August 27, 2019, 01:57:42 PM »
Never had to deal with this before but here goes.  Last night I received terrible news about a friend I've known for over 30 years.  We used to hang out a lot, but as time goes on and you have your own families you tend to drift apart.  Would see him maybe 1-2 times a year recently where we would reminisce about the old days in university, and generally have a good time.  My friend took his own life on Friday night.  I never knew anything was wrong with him, he was always pretty closed and wouldn't really open up about anything, but that's how he always was for as long as I knew him.   I still can't believe it.  Just wanted to let you all know to keep in touch with your friends, make an effort to reach out, you never know when you'll never see them again.

Offline hockeyfan1

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #366 on: August 27, 2019, 07:59:35 PM »
Never had to deal with this before but here goes.  Last night I received terrible news about a friend I've known for over 30 years.  We used to hang out a lot, but as time goes on and you have your own families you tend to drift apart.  Would see him maybe 1-2 times a year recently where we would reminisce about the old days in university, and generally have a good time.  My friend took his own life on Friday night.  I never knew anything was wrong with him, he was always pretty closed and wouldn't really open up about anything, but that's how he always was for as long as I knew him.   I still can't believe it.  Just wanted to let you all know to keep in touch with your friends, make an effort to reach out, you never know when you'll never see them again.


Sad, Zee.  But what can we do?

I havenít seen my friend for months now myself.  Iím going to message her and see how sheís doing.

Oftentimes, itís the thought that counts no matter where we are or what weíre doing.  Keeping communication lines open does wonders for the heart, and for our friends and ourselves.

Offline AlmosGirl

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #367 on: August 28, 2019, 03:08:53 PM »
Well after 21 long and hard days, I'm back home. Looking forward to a fresh start.

Thinking of you 50!

Many many gentle hugs to you and zee.

Online Bullfrog

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #368 on: October 08, 2019, 12:54:14 PM »
I hate depression. I god damn hate it.

Online princedpw

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #369 on: October 08, 2019, 01:41:14 PM »
I hate depression. I god damn hate it.

Sorry bud.

Online Bullfrog

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #370 on: December 19, 2019, 11:42:06 AM »
So an update. When I last posted here, things were really bad. I had to make an emergency appointment with my therapist and just broke down crying my eyes out from the pain. I was in a deep depression with a solid black cloud hanging over me that I just couldn't shake. The feeling that it wouldn't ever end was crushing me. I felt defeated and was ready to give up. Death seemed like a reasonable way out. My persistent thoughts of death scared me and motivated me to action.

After 25 years of suffering, I'm now able to finally admit that therapy alone just wasn't enough and that medical help might be needed. Given my past circumstances, you'd understand my resistance to any drug that I perceived could alter my mental state (mostly a control issue due to PTSD from being surrounded by alcoholism and rage; details aren't interesting.) Anyway, I saw my physician and we've decided to try me on an antidepressant. It's been about 10 days and the side effects have not been fun (zero appetite and other things), but they are starting to subside. I've just started my double doses, so side effects may come back.

Since starting medication (and admitting that I need AND can accept help), I've felt better. Part of it is just the natural ebb-and-flow of my depression, part of it is surely a placebo effect. I'm admitting that I've been a bit of a hypocrite, as I always encourage others to seek help in any way that works, including medication. But, I've been so resistant for so long for getting that help for myself. I only started therapy about 16 months ago after decades of pain.

I don't know where this journey is going to take me, but I know (and admitted to my doctor) that I just can't continue the way it's been. I know for a fact my depression has severely impacted my career and financial success and my ability to create lasting connections with people. This is a shame because loneliness is one of the worst "symptoms" that I deal with.

I'm going to choose -- as best I can -- to not feel shame for waiting this long to get help. I'm going to accept therapy as an on-going part of my life and also that medication for the long-term might be required. I have an intake appointment tomorrow to start the process for a psychiatric evaluation to see if there's anything else going on. This is primarily due to a suspicion that I have ADD or a similar condition, which really helps explain some of my behaviour and thought patterns.

Part of resistance in reaching out is the persistent thought that "I'm not depressed enough" or "there's people that need treatment more than me". Therapy has helped me realize that my pain matters and is real. That I, and all of you, deserve to be as happy as we can be. We should feel free to use the resources that are available. Sometimes it's awkward, sometimes it takes a long time.

While I'm writing this primarily for me, I hope someone can get some inspiration to reach out and get help too. You don't have to wait for severe depression or pain. I know things will go up and down, but I'm actually hopeful for the first time that I'll have the tools to cope and live.
« Last Edit: December 19, 2019, 11:45:28 AM by Bullfrog »

Offline Guilt Trip

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #371 on: December 19, 2019, 12:16:57 PM »
Thanks for sharing. You are def a strong and caring person for sharing your personal journey. Liked that last line the best. Wish you nothing but best. #bullfrogstrong

Offline CarltonTheBear

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #372 on: December 19, 2019, 12:17:22 PM »
Glad you shared this Bullfrog. Hope you keep feeling better.

Offline bustaheims

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #373 on: December 19, 2019, 12:57:31 PM »
Thanks for sharing, BF.

The side effects of antidepressants do suck, but, I've definitely found using them better than the alternatives. They do fade - and, counter intuitively, they can be milder on larger doses.
"Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts." - Daniel Patrick Moynihan

Offline Bender

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Re: Depression and Anxiety
« Reply #374 on: December 19, 2019, 03:17:23 PM »
That was a very powerful post BF. Thank you for sharing. Depression runs in the family and I think a post like this is important. You know we're here for you :)
"They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here is the professor's oldest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster." - Bender