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Just for Fun => Non-Hockey Chatter => Topic started by: sucka on September 01, 2011, 10:28:37 AM

Title: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 01, 2011, 10:28:37 AM
Anybody go through a bout of this or battling this?  The death of Wade Belak and Rypien got me to revisit perhaps my darkest time of my life.

I don't know how severe mine was compared to other people, but i am fortunate that i pulled through, or rather it had lifted.  But that feeling or fear that it could return is always there.  It's as if there's still a kernal or seed there that if conditions were right it would happen again and that is a very scary thought indeed. 
My symptoms came gradually, anxiety and nervousness, brain fog, ultra low grade fever, loss of appetite, and then the fear of being alone/lonliness.  I lost interest in everything, i coudln't even care about watching a leaf game.  After all these were happening at once, then came thoughts of suicide.  Many times i stood on the edge of King subway stn just wanting to jump but didn't probably becuase i was too chicken sh!t and thoughts of my kids and mom prevented it.   I tried my hardest not to see a doctor for fear of getting medicated, but eventually i had to go as I chronically couldn't sleep anymore.  Doctor was really cool about it and my concerns and told me that treatment was available and to hang on for a little longer.  I did, and eventually it did go away to the point where i just get the occassional tightness in my chest.  But i'll never scoff at anyone that mentions they suffer from brain fog or 'yuppy flu' again.  I can't go on depression forums cuz reading other people's experiences are too much for me to handle.
For anyone that suffers from this, i hope you pull through cuz there is light at the end of the tunnel. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: princedpw on September 01, 2011, 11:02:17 AM
Thanks for that post.  It probably helps people to know that there are others who suffer similarly.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Peter D. on September 01, 2011, 11:35:41 AM
Sucka, thanks for this and am extremely glad that you had it lifted.

I myself have always been the worrying type, but anxiety for me didn't kick in 'til about 5/6 months ago.  I have found the topic to be a bit taboo, and as you suggest, people do scoff at it when they don't know.   

For me, it seems to be a culmination of factors -- turning 30 and the fear of time passing me by, being a new father and having had a hard time accepting my daughter turned 1 (where did the time go type of thing), scared of getting/catching a disease (my mother passed away at 35 from cancer), a really crappy job that pays crappy, being around and hearing a lot of morbid things, and perhaps the biggest factor, being in a pretty severe car accident just before Christmas.  My car was totaled, but I was, surprisingly, completely fine physically.  However, as time has passed on, I think it has taken a mental toll on me (What if I get blind-sinded?; What if my wife and daughter were in the car?).

It's led to me having what I presume are anxiety attacks.  I have experienced frequent heart palpitations that have been so severe at times that my heart has quivered as if it were the onset of a heart attack.  Being the vicious cycle that it is, it consumes my mind and it just leads to more palpitations and anxiety.  I check my pulse all the time.  It was so bad I had an ECG done, was strapped to a 48-hour Holter monitor, and even had a stress test done.  All came back perfectly normal and the doctors suggested it was primarily stress/anxiety.  Since then, having been given a clean bill of health, I have been feeling better, but still have my moments.

It has affected me in that it zapped the enjoyment out of things in my life -- playing ball hockey became a chore, I was at times a robot sitting in front of the TV not laughing or enjoying what I always used to, it brought a sad aura around my wife and daughter.  My wife asked if I was depressed, and I did say I experienced a bit.  I have yet to go see a professional, but having talked and opening up to a few close friends and just reading stuff like this has kind of put a skip back in my step.  I've fallen in the trap of reading forums as well, but sometimes it helps, other times it makes me self-diagnose myself.

I will say, the last month or so I have been feeling much better than I did in the few months prior.  I'm taking enjoyment in things again.  I realize I have a lot to live for for a long time.  No need to worry about what will happen about 40 or 50 years from now when I can enjoy what's happening today.  I still have my moments of being down, but hopefully those lows are much less frequent moving forward.

Thanks for allowing me to pour it out.   
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rob on September 01, 2011, 11:46:05 AM
Couple things I found have helped;

The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin

These are very inexpensive books available at most book stores.  If you suffer from any form of mental unrest, please read them, multiple times.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 01, 2011, 11:58:47 AM
PeterD,
I'm glad for you and that we can sorta laugh at it a bit.  Similarly, it was also the convergence of a multiple things going on in my life a year ago.  Yeah the self diagnosis is pretty funny now that you mentioned it and the more you read up on it, the more 'symptoms' you develop.   Hardest part was trying to act normal at the dinner table, at work, even though your mind was just screaming at you and you just can't see an end to it.  And I can totally relate to the robot in front of the TV thing.  It coulda been snow on channel 01 (before he Rogers preview channel) and it wouldn't have made a bit of difference.  I found that talking about it, either to a sympathetic friend or just letting it out here works wonders.
Peter, have you tried Lorazepam for your attacks?  I had a really bad attack one time, thought my heart was going to explode and the emergency room doctor prescribed it to me.  It's supposed to be very short term and it's pretty harmless so I just take it when i really need it.  I was using half a dose and then gradually went to once a week and now maybe once a month if i really need it.  I don't think it's habit forming and i don't have any side effects...it's not brain chemical changing meds, just something to calm your nerves.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stronger Than All on September 01, 2011, 12:11:11 PM
Depression and Anxiety have been with me for years.  I have it under control, but it's certainly not gone.

The worst part is now being grown up trying to make sure it doesn't affect my wife or son. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Peter D. on September 01, 2011, 12:19:19 PM
Peter, have you tried Lorazepam for your attacks?  I had a really bad attack one time, thought my heart was going to explode and the emergency room doctor prescribed it to me.  It's supposed to be very short term and it's pretty harmless so I just take it when i really need it.  I was using half a dose and then gradually went to once a week and now maybe once a month if i really need it.  I don't think it's habit forming and i don't have any side effects...it's not brain chemical changing meds, just something to calm your nerves.

No, I have tried avoiding the medicinal route.  Although I wonder if I should have something just as a back up. 

I do experience every so often something called PSVT -- it is the speeding of the heart out of nowhere to over 200 beats per minute for anywhere from 10 to 50 minutes.  It is often confused and associated with anxiety, but I'm not certain there is a direct correlation (although reading some forums suggest they can go hand-in-hand).  As such, I have asked my doctor if I should go on beta blockers, but he recommended that it is unnecessary and that I should try and find ways to help alleviate my anxiety (breathing techniques, reading, exercise, etc.) and there are methods I can use to 'break' any episode of PSVT.

I do sometimes use natural products such as Rescue Remedy and Calm.  They help slightly in calming my nerves.  A lot of what I have dealt with is psychosomatic -- I admit it and my doctor confirms it -- so I am trying my best to get myself in the right mindset again. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on September 01, 2011, 12:56:58 PM
Peter, your descriptions sound exactly like me, except that I've only had one panic attack (and it was a massive one following by almost 24 hours of continuous sleep). The rest of the time it's depression, exactly as Sucka describes it. I've mostly got it under control, but it definitely comes back with some regularity. I've come to understand some of the triggers a little better and am making some strides to improve other aspects of my life such as fitness, new friends, etc.

I believe strongly in the totality of the human body, mind and spirit. If one is out of whack, it'll affect the others. So I figure if I improve the things I can control, it'll help everything else. Not sure if it's working yet, but I am just starting my journey.

The crummy job and pay are a huge burden on me though. I know how that one feels.

My son (almost 2 years now) is a bright light in my life. I don't care if he's smiling and hugging or screaming and punching, he fills me with joy. Now, to just find more things that fill me with joy to fill some of the empty spaces.

As I get older, I am starting to understand my depression better and it's causes. (alcoholics in the family, violent arguing, fear of failure/success, fear of loss of control, etc.) The last one is a direct reason for my teetotalism. It took me a long time to figure that out.

I once took medication for a few months but I quit it. I also try to avoid any medications.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Boston Leaf on September 01, 2011, 01:55:30 PM
Couple things I found have helped;

The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin

These are very inexpensive books available at most book stores.  If you suffer from any form of mental unrest, please read them, multiple times.

thanks for the suggestions. Due to an addicition I have had under control (due to a 12 step program) for almost 15 years, my anxiety and depression are not as severe.. but they still come. I worry about everything and every so oftne still have those Sundays where I don't want to get out from under the covers. I do my chores and then by 1PM are back in bed in my own world. Go to therpaist and all and some days are way better than others but it sucks.. I feel for anyone battling. I have been for years..Greatful for today suicide was never an option
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on September 01, 2011, 02:41:20 PM
I spent 55 days this summer in hospital on the mental health ward.  Suicidal risk, severe anxiety, severe depression, and agoraphobia.  I'm on a cocktail of meds - Seroquel, Cipralex, Trazadone, Effexor, Clonazepam, and Ativan.  I see my psychiatrist every 3 weeks, and a social worker weekly.

I've not been able to work in the past 18 months.  Before that, I was a social worker who led a normal life.

I've been back home for 3 weeks, but struggle daily trying to beat this.  Yesterday I was a puddle of sweat most of the day - non-stop anxiety.  Today seems much better, so far.  Ya just never know what lies ahead...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: LittleHockeyFan on September 01, 2011, 02:57:54 PM
I can't really contribute to this thread except to say *big group hug*. I love all you guys like a little cyber-family, and I want you all to be happy!  If it helps at all, just know that there are people like me out here, who care about you guys, even if we don't know each other personally.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on September 01, 2011, 03:01:14 PM
I spent 55 days this summer in hospital on the mental health ward.  Suicidal risk, severe anxiety, severe depression, and agoraphobia.  I'm on a cocktail of meds - Seroquel, Cipralex, Trazadone, Effexor, Clonazepam, and Ativan.  I see my psychiatrist every 3 weeks, and a social worker weekly.

I've not been able to work in the past 18 months.  Before that, I was a social worker who led a normal life.

I've been back home for 3 weeks, but struggle daily trying to beat this.  Yesterday I was a puddle of sweat most of the day - non-stop anxiety.  Today seems much better, so far.  Ya just never know what lies ahead...

I too am from the Mental Health field, but what you said about working in this field and leading a normal life, seems like an oxymoron to me. It took me about 5 years just to learn how to leave work at the door on the way out, but you still can't. When you listen to so many horrible stories and work with the victims of those stories, it's hard to not be affected in your own life.

I think every single one of us who have tried to help others deal with mental health issues, feel some sort of depression/ anxiety ourselves at some point during our careers. Some say you become numb to the sad stories, but I never did. Their pain often transferred to me almost by osmosis, from the empathetic approach I have, when we care about our clients so much. It's hard to protect yourself from that Rick. I'm not sure if that is your root cause or not, but it's mine and it's a battle when your in the trenches.

I'm glad you're feeling better, hopefully you're on the winning end of that fight.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 01, 2011, 03:06:27 PM
I spent 55 days this summer in hospital on the mental health ward.  Suicidal risk, severe anxiety, severe depression, and agoraphobia.  I'm on a cocktail of meds - Seroquel, Cipralex, Trazadone, Effexor, Clonazepam, and Ativan.  I see my psychiatrist every 3 weeks, and a social worker weekly.

I've not been able to work in the past 18 months.  Before that, I was a social worker who led a normal life.

I've been back home for 3 weeks, but struggle daily trying to beat this.  Yesterday I was a puddle of sweat most of the day - non-stop anxiety.  Today seems much better, so far.  Ya just never know what lies ahead...

Hey Rick, your post brought me to tears at work.  I don't know why...i do but it's a jumble of emotions.  Funny, how we are black, white, asian, rich, poor but our insides are all the same...we take it for granted but knock our balance off kilter by a wee bit and it's a slippery slope.  Rick it looks like we're all each other's inspiration here to take it one day at a time.  There's always tomorrow and we all hope tomorrow is better than today.  Geez, it just sounds so cheesy but i suppose we all know how true it is.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bleeding Blue & White on September 01, 2011, 03:18:07 PM
I know what depression and anxiety is like, I've been stuck with having bipolar disorder since I was 12 and always had a hard time doing things.  Other than medications the one thing that has really helped me get things under control is cognitive behavioural therapy.  It is really helpful method of changing the way you think.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: SFBayLeaf on September 01, 2011, 03:39:14 PM
No, I have tried avoiding the medicinal route.  Although I wonder if I should have something just as a back up. 

That works for me.  I had a series of panic attacks and was prescribed Lorazepam.  It works, but more importantly, knowing it works and knowing I have it in my pocket has a calming effect so I rarely feel the need to take it.  Good luck with it.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on September 01, 2011, 03:50:46 PM

I've wrestled with clinical depression for quite some time now. It's manifested itself in things like anxiety, agoraphobia and such. I've tried combating it with just about everything you can. Therapy, medication, meditation, exercise, what have you to varying degrees of success. It manifests in different ways. A bleak outlook on life in general, self-criticism, hopelessness, etc.

One of the things that I've found, and maybe this is why Rick Rypien's death(and maybe Belak's) doesn't shock me as much, is that there's no rhyme or reason to it. I suffer from just as bad a spell of it when my life is going really well as when I'm stuck in the mud. Money, a good relationship, good friends, none of them, even combined, are a panacea that's going to make me forget it. So even a hockey player, making a lot of money, can struggle with it all their lives. It's not even that hard to hide provided you're not living with someone and have the kind of job I do. You make excuses when you don't want to go out and your stewing inside your head can continue unabated.

I tend to think of having it largely under control these days. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard on the subject was Eddie Vedder relaying something Bruce Springsteen told him which was "That guy(depression) is always going to be in the car with you, you just can't let him drive."

So it's there and I deal with it and things do get better.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on September 01, 2011, 04:04:25 PM
I echo what Littlehockeyfan said.  Hugs to you all!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Mordac on September 01, 2011, 05:00:47 PM
This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on September 01, 2011, 05:16:23 PM
This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

I'm kind of with you... My wife thinks the same about me but how do I know? I'm not prepared to do anything about it either. Is the belief that I don't need help part of the problem?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on September 01, 2011, 05:18:30 PM
This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

Sure. One of the things, though, is that there's a big difference between clinical, brain-chemistry imbalance depression and being bummed out. You can legitimately have negative issues in your life, money troubles, bad relationship, whatever and it's not a medical condition. You can feel the negative emotion of depression and not have depression.

And then it gets into the question of the severity and how it manifests itself. If "that guy" is driving it can mean the difference between "Things aren't great, but I've still got to finish assignments/go grocery shopping/go out and see my friends because those things need to get done" and "Things are terrible, I can't manage, so I'm going to get wasted at eleven in the morning and spend all day watching re-runs on BBC America because it doesn't matter anyway."

And, sure, yeah when you're getting wasted and watching TV then you don't care much about what you didn't do, although not getting it done will feed back into the depression and make it worse later on, but it's not like you can just wallow in it forever without consequence.

Of course, that's sort of a worst-case, unable to function scenario. Like I was saying, that's when depression is in control of your life. That's what you can't let happen.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on September 01, 2011, 06:05:39 PM
Of course, that's sort of a worst-case, unable to function scenario. Like I was saying, that's when depression is in control of your life. That's what you can't let happen.

Very true, because when it takes control, it's hard to break out of. I lost a lot of opportunity to develop friends and life-long relationships due to being that passenger. Even your good friends get tired of being turned down after awhile.

It can be so confusing at times. I wanted to go out, i wanted to have fun, I wanted all that stuff, but i couldn't, i just couldn't. It's strange, because I can usually reason my way through most things. Yet even though I knew I should just try, knew what I wanted, the apathy takes over.

That was always my biggest problem as a teenager and young 20-something, the apathy. The depression I suffer know, from time-to-time, is generally milder and somewhat different.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 01, 2011, 06:31:20 PM
This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

I'm kind of with you... My wife thinks the same about me but how do I know? I'm not prepared to do anything about it either. Is the belief that I don't need help part of the problem?

Ditto on what Nik said.  When it happens you will definately know it.  It's not the same as blowing your kids' college funds at the tables and then stewing about how you're going to tell the wife.  I mean, it could set it off.  It's funny cuz while i was going through it, i couldn't recall what it felt to be normal, but now that i am for the most part fine, i can vividly recall what it felt like.  I can only speak of my own experience.  It's a blanket of dread and darkness like no other and it becomes debilitating to the point where even simple tasks seem monumental.  It's becomes a great deal just to brush your teeth in the morning.  Someone mentioned the bleak outlook...that feeling just pervades all that you do.  You lose interest in just about EVERYTHING, perhaps except to self diagnose, and try as you might you just can't shake it off.  Fear that you will lose your friends and you'll be all alone.   And this is just the 'inside' part...nevermind the physical manifestations - can't eat, and feeling like you need to vomit after a few mouthfuls.  Constant lump and sinking feeling in your chest.  Sleep 2 hours a night for days on end.  Presence of a low fever, but no one can detect it (falls in normal range).  I was also getting very noticable shakes in my hands along with intermittent heart palpitations...sometimes nervously fast, sometimes painfully slow.  I even had symptoms consistent with STD's, or urinary tract infection, although i was 100% sure i didn't and doctors did enough tests to rule everything out.  Doctors asked me to do an HIV test and for 2 weeks I even convinced myself the possibility i might have gotten HIV from prior GF or something...also ruled out.  My condition was all i thought about and it totally consumed me for several months and i was left extremely exhausted and eventually not caring what happened to me.  I stopped grooming and went to work everday looking pretty disheveled, it just took too much effort.  At work i would just stare at the screen cuz i wouldn't know where to start.  My brain felt foggy and it was very hard to think especially if it involved multiple steps.  Brain and body felt numb...slightly fuzzy.  Everything feels surreal.  yeah, i think i covered it.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: moon111 on September 01, 2011, 06:32:21 PM
Would anyone have advice for someone dealing with loved ones who are depressed? 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on September 01, 2011, 06:35:27 PM
This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

I'm kind of with you... My wife thinks the same about me but how do I know? I'm not prepared to do anything about it either. Is the belief that I don't need help part of the problem?

Ditto on what Nik said.  When it happens you will definately know it.  It's not the same as blowing your kids' college funds at the tables and then stewing about how you're going to tell the wife.  I mean, it could set it off.  It's funny cuz while i was going through it, i couldn't recall what it felt to be normal, but now that i am for the most part fine, i can vividly recall what it felt like.  I can only speak of my own experience.  It's a blanket of dread and darkness like no other and it becomes debilitating to the point where even simple tasks seem monumental.  It's becomes a great deal just to brush your teeth in the morning.  Someone mentioned the bleak outlook...that feeling just pervades all that you do.  You lose interest in just about EVERYTHING, perhaps except to self diagnose, and try as you might you just can't shake it off.  Fear that you will lose your friends and you'll be all alone.   And this is just the 'inside' part...nevermind the physical manifestations - can't eat, and feeling like you need to vomit after a few mouthfuls.  Constant lump and sinking feeling in your chest.  Sleep 2 hours a night for days on end.  Presence of a low fever, but no one can detect it (falls in normal range).  I was also getting very noticable shakes in my hands along with intermittent heart palpitations...sometimes nervously fast, sometimes painfully slow.  I even had symptoms consistent with STD's, or urinary tract infection, although i was 100% sure i didn't and doctors did enough tests to rule everything out.  Doctors asked me to do an HIV test and for 2 weeks I even convinced myself the possibility i might have gotten HIV from prior GF or something...also ruled out.  My condition was all i thought about and it totally consumed me for several months and i was left extremely exhausted and eventually not caring what happened to me.  I stopped grooming and went to work everday looking pretty disheveled, it just took too much effort.  At work i would just stare at the screen cuz i wouldn't know where to start.  My brain felt foggy and it was very hard to think especially if it involved multiple steps.  Brain and body felt numb...slightly fuzzy.  Everything feels surreal.  yeah, i think i covered it.

Man, that's rough. Sorry to hear. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on September 01, 2011, 06:46:58 PM
I've discussed elements of my personal/family life with a few folks from this board/old board. Both my mother and father have suffered from depression, my mom clinical, my dad probably but stubborn and formidable in his approach to combating it.

I think I have a sense of the 'culture' of depression more than actually being depressed though it took me an awfully long time and a fair investment learning the family history to figure out the jigsaw puzzle, well as best as I have anyways. Before that was a pretty confusing and frustrating few decades, not knowing why I had these feelings nor their origins.

That's not 'blame' talking either, fwiw.

I worry for my daughter a bit, she's smart as whip but already has shown a few signs. It's a tough go. Being aware of it seems to be a key to keep it in check. Developing some kind of conscious awareness of what Jung refers to as the 'shadow' helped me some, even more so once I understood the context of my own backstory more fully.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 01, 2011, 06:54:46 PM
Would anyone have advice for someone dealing with loved ones who are depressed?

For me, I was filled with an emptiness inside.  That's another feeling i should have mentioned in my prior post becuase it was very central to what i was feeling.  Very empty...I would suggest that you help you this person by perhaps doing more social things, maybe as simply as jogging together.  Try joining social groups that focus on things he/she was interested in, fill that void inside.  Be a part of the action, not as observers.  Be there to let him talk about it.  For me, i think there was a link between lack of sleep and depression, and they just fed each other in a vicious cycle.  Maybe take them away to an idyllic fishing trip, but keep him busy with things to do - pitch the tent, start fire, cook etc.  but give plenty of time to sleep in and as much as he needs (although i've heard of others who sleep alot due to depression).
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on September 01, 2011, 07:15:37 PM
Yeah sucka, do the little things socially and encourage sleep. Defer causes for argument where possible too, well not always but, y'know?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on September 01, 2011, 08:16:20 PM
Yeah sucka, do the little things socially and encourage sleep. Defer causes for argument where possible too, well not always but, y'know?

That's a touchy one too, because while I knew I was suffering, the last thing I ever wanted was to be treated with kid gloves. It just reinforces that you're "broken." That's how it was for me.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on September 01, 2011, 08:19:43 PM
Would anyone have advice for someone dealing with loved ones who are depressed?

One thing to remember is that while they can take steps to alleviate it and get well, it's still somewhat out of their control. Never tell them to "snap out of it." I was told that a few times. I felt like screaming. Believe me, people suffering from depression want nothing more than to snap out of it, but it doesn't happen like that. It's like asking someone with cancer to shake it off.

One thing I might suggest is trying to do stuff with them without trying to force them. Tread gently in suggestions. Taking walks is a great idea because the exercise, sunshine, and companionship is exactly what a depressed person needs.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on September 01, 2011, 08:57:28 PM
Yeah sucka, do the little things socially and encourage sleep. Defer causes for argument where possible too, well not always but, y'know?

That's a touchy one too, because while I knew I was suffering, the last thing I ever wanted was to be treated with kid gloves. It just reinforces that you're "broken." That's how it was for me.

I agree there's a balance and that reinforcement should be discouraged. I don't see anything wrong with a blemish on the sidelines, that's life.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on September 02, 2011, 05:51:37 AM
I posted this here:  http://tmlfans.ca/community/former-leafs-ex-files/wade-belak-found-dead/ (http://tmlfans.ca/community/former-leafs-ex-files/wade-belak-found-dead/)

http://tmlfans.ca/community/former-leafs-ex-files/wade-belak-found-dead/ (http://tmlfans.ca/community/former-leafs-ex-files/wade-belak-found-dead/)


Talks about depression sports-related, yet can apply to everyday life and situations.  One things for sure:  too much medication can also complicate a person's already delicate mental health state.  No one ever mentions how prescription drugs can have untold side-effects and make the symptoms of what one suffers all the more worse. 


Everyone needs some medication from time to time, but, it seems that it is being either overdone, or over-prescribed.  There are different ways of dealing with mental health issues, and drugs aren't always the best mode of treatment.


I remember having read about Canadian actress Margot Kidder, who became famous for her role as "Lois Lane" opposite the late Christopher Reeves, in the "Superman" films.  She was depressed for several years, then became a manic depressive, to the point where she began mutilating herself to the point of being near-suicidal.  She had been prescribed medication after medication, to the point where these medications actually enhanced her problems rather than curtailing them.


Out of desperation, upon the advice of a friend, she sought the help of the late Abram Hoffer, a B.C. doctor specializing in orthomollecular medicine (still very much an unknown area in today's medical circles), who categorized her as having 'deficiencies' (mineral) and other "deficiencies', took her immediately off of the prescription medications, and in essence, to make a long story extremely short, cured her of her mental illness.


Today, (this happened a few years ago), she is a happy and proud grandmother of a hockey-playing grandson, exhibiting not a single mental health problem.


Perhaps this is a bit of a 'rarity, not necessarily that everyone would benefit from orthomollecular medicine a la the late Hoffer, who was the best in this field of study, but, it wouldn't hurt to at least find out or provide people with alternatives in lieu of drugs that may not always be the best therapy available.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on September 02, 2011, 09:57:29 AM
My depression and suicidal tendancies were so bad at one point this summer, I agreed to go for something called ECT - shock treatment.  It's a LOT milder than it is portrayed in TV movies like One Flew Over The Cukoos Nest.  Some famous people who did ECT includes Kitty Dukakis, Terry Bradshaw, and Tammy Wynette.  Usually you do about 12 sessions of ECT, but I had adverse reactions to the anesthetics and had to be intubated twice when I stopped breathing.  I only did 5 sessions, not enough to make a difference.

I'm on a boatload of meds, go weekly for CBT, and meet the psychiatrist every 3 weeks to adjust meds.  Right now the biggest problem is increasing anxiety and panic attacks.  The anxiety is so bad 2 of the last 3 nights I couldn't sleep a wink.  My pillow was soaked with sweat.

Hey - I do really want to thank and applaud those that have spoke out in this thread.  It's good (although bad) to know people like me aren't alone, and we can share what we're going through.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Boston Leaf on September 02, 2011, 10:18:10 AM
My depression and suicidal tendancies were so bad at one point this summer, I agreed to go for something called ECT - shock treatment.  It's a LOT milder than it is portrayed in TV movies like One Flew Over The Cukoos Nest.  Some famous people who did ECT includes Kitty Dukakis, Terry Bradshaw, and Tammy Wynette.  Usually you do about 12 sessions of ECT, but I had adverse reactions to the anesthetics and had to be intubated twice when I stopped breathing.  I only did 5 sessions, not enough to make a difference.

I'm on a boatload of meds, go weekly for CBT, and meet the psychiatrist every 3 weeks to adjust meds.  Right now the biggest problem is increasing anxiety and panic attacks.  The anxiety is so bad 2 of the last 3 nights I couldn't sleep a wink.  My pillow was soaked with sweat.

Hey - I do really want to thank and applaud those that have spoke out in this thread.  It's good (although bad) to know people like me aren't alone, and we can share what we're going through.

Hang in there Rick. Day at a time.. everything you are talking about is pretty familiar here
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: TheMightyOdin on September 02, 2011, 10:19:00 AM
I would be interested to know how you guys are doing in respect to your physical self. Do you engage in regular physical activity? Are you fit or out of shape?

I can relate to a lot of the feelings expressed here back when I was overweight. The combination of nutrition and physical exertion has done wonders for my own personal happiness. I notice, on days that I get my morning workout in, I am in a much better mood throughout the day then days that I take off.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rob on September 02, 2011, 10:22:42 AM
I would be interested to know how you guys are doing in respect to your physical self. Do you engage in regular physical activity? Are you fit or out of shape?

I can relate to a lot of the feelings expressed here back when I was overweight. The combination of nutrition and physical exertion has done wonders for my own personal happiness. I notice, on days that I get my morning workout in, I am in a much better mood throughout the day then days that I take off.

I have noticed personally, that if I consume too many carbs, my mood goes right into the toilet.  If I keep to a low carb diet (Dr. Atkins) I feel WAY WAY WAY better, mentally and physically.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: TheMightyOdin on September 02, 2011, 10:32:14 AM
I think simple carbs (sugar) has a profound influence on my mood.

I don't think physical fitness is the answer but maybe it's part of the answer?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on September 02, 2011, 10:49:18 AM
I think simple carbs (sugar) has a profound influence on my mood.

I don't think physical fitness is the answer but maybe it's part of the answer?

I think there are some studies out there that would corroborate what you're saying.

Yeah, I've gone through these issues before, but moreso in my adolescence. There's a history of depression in my family, I remember losing all interest in school. I had a 50% average in Grade 10 because I was so detached - I just didn't see my life going anywhere. I got out of it eventually and finished Grade 12 with an 85%.

It also came back later on when I was getting random physical ailments that no one could really explain. I had a throat infection that was so bad that I feel like I don't swallow 100% correctly. Others were more explainable: I was diagnosed with Tempomandibular Jaw Disorder (sp?) and started hearing cracks in my jaw joint when I was biting, I also had mild numbness on the left side of my face. For a while I also had some sort of breathing/stomach issue where if I took a deep breath my back muscles would feel really tired and exerted. I ended up getting a breathing test done and they said my breathing was normal and it could be a structural issue. Funny enough I was going home and ate something on the way and I could feel something dislodge and I've felt better ever since. It sounds kinda unbelievable but that's how it went away.

Anyway, I've been feeling a lot better lately: I have a new, better paying job, I moved in with my girlfriend and I've been honing my interests a lot more, and spending more time with people that value my company. While I'm very ambitious and somewhat egotistical in the sense that I believe I can achieve many things, it's still somewhat rough in the sense that my outlook on life is still kinda bleak. Being agnostic doesn't really help and I still have a profound fear of injury and illness and losing loved ones. The issue is finding a sense of purpose and how I'm afraid of being a meaningless, mindless drone in society that never had a positive effect on people or things. It reminds me of the Monty Python sketch in the Meaning of Life where two organ collectors asked a living person to donate. When she did not, they played the universe song, which I thought was so spot on.

Different things work for different people but if I feel like crap I like to read inspirational quotes or anecdotes. In particular I really liked How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Both very different books but both excellent reads.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on September 02, 2011, 10:51:38 AM
Sugar and glutens totally affect my kid's moods. - We try to avoid both when we can. One of my kids in fact is scheduled for an alergy test for glutens.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on September 02, 2011, 11:33:58 AM
I would be interested to know how you guys are doing in respect to your physical self. Do you engage in regular physical activity? Are you fit or out of shape?

I can relate to a lot of the feelings expressed here back when I was overweight. The combination of nutrition and physical exertion has done wonders for my own personal happiness. I notice, on days that I get my morning workout in, I am in a much better mood throughout the day then days that I take off.

The biggest thing for me health wise, was that chronic pain came with the depression. I feel much better with the depression, however the anxiety and the chronic pain appear to be a daily battle.

I got myself off the Effexor about 2 years ago, which I must say, was one of the hardest meds I ever quit. I gradually went off them, but it seems you can't go slow enough with that one, it was one of the worst experiences of my life and I'll never take it again.

The chronic pain is there everyday and will probably stay, because I have lumbar disc issues as well, but when the anxiety comes, it makes the physical pain that much more severe. I'm on pain meds every day and will most likely have to stay on them, however I have thus far avoided the really heavy opiates and am taking one that is a synthetic opiate, with a acetaminophen base, that works wonders with no ill effects.

At this point, I'm not sure you can ever really completely shake anxiety in your life, it is a daily obstacle. Depression on the other hand, seems like it can be adverted, when you get a hang on how to deal with it, or you just feel better about life.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on September 02, 2011, 11:45:09 AM
Great BWB, I'm on an xtra lArge dose of Effexor, and Clonazepam, and Ritalin, and Cipralex, and Seroquel.

Walking for 30 mins daily is supposed to be great for depression, altho I'm honestly too depressed to leave the house to walk...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on September 02, 2011, 11:53:28 AM
Great BWB, I'm on an xtra lArge dose of Effexor, and Clonazepam, and Ritalin, and Cipralex, and Seroquel.

Walking for 30 mins daily is supposed to be great for depression, altho I'm honestly too depressed to leave the house to walk...

Then it's a bit of a vicious circle. Take out your mp3 player, put on some of your favourite tracks. With what little summer we have left, have a walk and think: I'm so happy it's not January! :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Jeff on September 02, 2011, 12:04:34 PM
You know, I always wonder how many people out there are suffering as well...how many people are putting on the act that everything is ok. I, too, have been fighting depression for several years but it took a much larger turn for the worse a few years ago.

At the time I was in the middle of building a business, running a large open source project online, and had a lot on the go. Not really sure what triggered it or what happened but it was a rapid decline.

I ended up getting out of my business, got divorced, and basically hid away and tried to deal with everything. It was, and is, a very lonely place to be in. Nobody really understands what you're going through or what it is like unless they have been there. I felt as though everyone that should be there for me had abandoned me.

It still comes and goes and is quite bad as of the last couple of months but meh, what am I going to do. Switched from Effexor to it's new form or whatever called Pristiq and have never really had many side effects but I can definitely feel a difference when I am taking something versus not.

Reading Ricks ordeal has helped in a way. He's always someone I thought very highly of and for him to be public about what he is going through I always felt took a lot of courage. At the same time, I hope you find some peace in there Rick - your summer has been rough :(
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on September 02, 2011, 12:08:36 PM
Great BWB, I'm on an xtra lArge dose of Effexor, and Clonazepam, and Ritalin, and Cipralex, and Seroquel.

Walking for 30 mins daily is supposed to be great for depression, altho I'm honestly too depressed to leave the house to walk...

What about a dog?

A) While they can be stressful, I can't manage my life without one. The joy they bring more than makes up for the odd fit they can cause.

B) The commitment to needing to walk one will get you out for that 20/30 minutes a day.

Nothing like sittin' on the couch with a beer and the ole family mut.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on September 02, 2011, 12:11:35 PM
Great BWB, I'm on an xtra lArge dose of Effexor, and Clonazepam, and Ritalin, and Cipralex, and Seroquel.

Walking for 30 mins daily is supposed to be great for depression, altho I'm honestly too depressed to leave the house to walk...

All I can say, is that you have to go very slow when coming off of them, perhaps I went too quick and just wanted off.

I agree with Floyd, that having animals will help in a lot of different ways, not just having to take him out for a walk and care for it. Labrador's are wonderful listeners  ;D
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on September 02, 2011, 12:18:39 PM
Labrador's are wonderful listeners  ;D

I have a yellow lab... and she's wonderful.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: You're right on September 02, 2011, 12:22:27 PM
What about a dog?
There are many situations where pets are used therapeutically.

All aside - I wish all contributors to the thread my best - it is very courageous to openly discuss topics such as this. Hopefully there is strength in numbers and some comfort in the support of other site members.

Everyone take care of yourselves.  :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on September 02, 2011, 12:23:12 PM
Labrador's are wonderful listeners  ;D

I have a yellow lab... and she's wonderful.

I had a chocolate, in the past and will own a Lab again, they are great dogs.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: TheMightyOdin on September 02, 2011, 12:24:00 PM
Dogs flat out kick ass.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on September 02, 2011, 03:21:12 PM
I can totally relate to what people here are going through. I had my first panic attack when I was 11 years old. That was in the very early 80's. I've had a million of them since. Back when I had my first one, I'd never heard the term "panic attack" at all. Not the way you do today. I went to a doctor for it and didn't even know how to describe what I was feeling. I remember telling him that I felt like someone was chasing me with a knife but nobody's there and I can just feel that when watching tv. He told my mother that I physically had nothing wrong with me and that I'm probably just looking for attention. He told her that right in front of me too because I guess he thought that if he brought it out in the open, I'd stop doing it. I remember just staring at him and having this overwhelming feeling of depression come over me as I thought.........Jesus Christ, I'm never going to get any help for this.

People around you that don't suffer from anxiety or depression get frustrated with you and I can understand that. After awhile, they start to think........what the hell's wrong with him? Get over it already. I went from the age of 11 to 21 thinking that I was the only person in the world that had panic attacks so depression just went hand in hand with that. I can't describe how alone I felt during those years. I'd never heard the term "panic attack" until I was 21 in the early 90's. I'd try to describe what I was going through to friends but I'd always get that look of......you're insane..........back at me and so I got very good at hiding my anxiety. People didn't have a clue that I had it. I also started drinking alcohol at 14 because it helped the anxiety and I had no other options considering that my doctor couldn't even help. Alcohol helped for awhile but then it turns on you because you feel more anxious the next day when the withdrawal kicks in on top of your anxiety.

My anxiety and depression got so bad that I actually planned a day to kill myself. When I was 21, I was agoraphobic unless I was drunk, and depressed out of my mind about it. It was just getting worse and worse so I'd had enough and just thought to end it. My stepfather had guns for hunting so I was ready to just put a bullet through my head. I remember the day before, I said out loud.........."God, if you're out there, do something now because I'm out of time here." I didn't actually think anything would happen but thought I'd try anyway. The next day which would have been my last, my mom calls me up to help her go grocery shopping. She hurt her hand and couldn't carry anything so I went with her. I couldn't even stay in the store for too long because you always feel like every eye is on you when you have bad anxiety so I left and sat on a bench outside the store. It was in a mall. I sat watching people walk by and they all seemed so normal. I just kept thinking that I'll never know what that's like and had to keep my head down because it was just depressing the crap out of me. When I looked up, I noticed that I was sitting in front of a book store and there was a book in the window on sale called Hope And Help For Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. That sounded like exactly what I needed and so I bought the book. I got home that day and read it with the gun beside me. I can honestly say that that book saved my life and I'd recommend it, or anything by Dr. Claire Weekes, for anyone suffering from anxiety. Until I read that book, I'd had zero coping skills with anxiety other than............chug alcohol quickly, sober up, repeat.

I've had everything that anxiety can through at you. The heart palpitations, panic, feeling like you're in a dream, shaking, dizziness, going days without sleep, lump in the throat, shaking voice and all the other "fun" stuff. The depression that went along with it was exactly what sucka mentioned earlier in this thread. When you get to that hopeless level, it's really hard to get out of it. I haven't had a panic attack in over 10 years but still have lingering anxiety. What's frustrating with it all is I can go months without anxiety and then have a bad episode with it and it feels like I'm right back where I started but if you don't dwell on setbacks, it makes things a little easier.

Anyway, I really wanted to post this to maybe make someone else feel less alone and to mention the Claire Weekes book in case anyone who's suffering had never heard of it.

There's also a free progam out there that works well too. It's free but I think they take a $10 donation if you want a few extra downloads. I have nothing to do with the place and just wanted to mention it and I'm providing the link to it for anyone who might be interested.........

http://www.selftherapy.org/

Everybody's different and different things work for different people. There's very expensive anxiety programs out there which I think are a total rip off with price but have some good information in them as well. I mean one of them is I think 13 cd's and a booklet and they charge over $400.00 for it. Where the hell do they get their prices from? Did they hire Lady Ga Ga to narrate the thing? You can always find those programs for free the same way you might find a cd for free on the internet but you didn't hear that from me.

I think the main thing with getting over anxiety is to learn how to keep your mind calm because the rest follows. That's what drugs do for you anyway. They calm your mind so you body goes along with it.

Anyway, I apologize for how long this is and wish the best of luck to anyone who's going through anxiety and depression because I know the pit of despair that it can throw you into.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on September 02, 2011, 03:23:40 PM
Wow, heck of a story. Thanks for sharing.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bleeding Blue & White on September 02, 2011, 03:44:44 PM
Wow it is hard to believe so many of you guys are going similar problems I've gone through. I always assume I am alone with my problems, it is nice to know I'm not alone.  I wish everyone here the best and it may sound lame but I have found more recently that happiness is a choice and that has really helped me.  Granted it isn't an easy choice it is a worthwhile one. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: princedpw on September 02, 2011, 03:56:33 PM
I must say I am astonished by the number of people that suffer so severely from these problems.  I hope everyone the best.

I had some difficult emotional struggles with being gay, to the point of being just about incapacitated -- which was really the thing that forced me to come out.  Once I did that, the problems were simply solved.  Unfortunately, it sounds like not everyone has such an easy solution.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on September 02, 2011, 06:57:21 PM
Its funny the issued everyone goes through because everyone wants to come off like a highlight reel of awesome. Nobody wants to let others down, but its really quite a common issue, just we dont truly know. Its nice to know we can be authentic about this kind of thing on the board. It speaks to the quality of people here.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on September 02, 2011, 06:59:06 PM
I must say I am astonished by the number of people that suffer so severely from these problems.  I hope everyone the best.

I had some difficult emotional struggles with being gay, to the point of being just about incapacitated -- which was really the thing that forced me to come out.  Once I did that, the problems were simply solved.  Unfortunately, it sounds like not everyone has such an easy solution.

I doubt it was that easy prince, though I understand why you say it that way. My cousin came out and had a similar experience as you but he waited an agonizingly long time because he couldn't bring himself to do it while our grandparents were alive. He lived at my house at that time and was a wreck. We called my living room 'the day room' as both he and I and another room mate were going through some pretty dark times.

We all made it through, thankfully.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on September 02, 2011, 07:00:03 PM
Dogs flat out kick ass.

Totally.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on September 02, 2011, 08:03:11 PM
Yeah, I've gone through these issues before, but moreso in my adolescence. There's a history of depression in my family, I remember losing all interest in school. I had a 50% average in Grade 10 because I was so detached - I just didn't see my life going anywhere. I got out of it eventually and finished Grade 12 with an 85%.

I can relate to that. Two of my darkest periods were in my last semester of high school and second year of college.

At mid-term in high school, I had a 52% in OAC english. By strange coincidence, this was the third class I had with a particular teacher, so he knew me well. I remember the interview. He basically flat out asked what the f*** was going on as I'd always been a straight A student. I didn't really say much as I didn't really know. All I knew was I didn't care about anything; school, friends, food, sports, nothing. I basically just shrugged as it's all I could do. Shortly after that, I had a period of feeling great. I finished with a 75% in the class, got the 2nd highest mark out of 60 students on the final essay and got the highest mark on the final exam. Similarly in college. I was taking a physics course that was evaluated on the combined scores of three exams. I got a 97% on the exam on pressures and forces, 37% on the thermal dynamics, and 95% on the electrical. The instructor had the same question as my high school teacher three years prior: "what the f*** happened?" He was especially confused by the fact that the three students I tutored in thermal dynamics got in the 70's.

It's amazing how a sickness (of any kind) can affect your ability to perform.

It's very difficult for those who haven't experienced it to understand. My brother is going through similar things due to a diagnosis of a very serious condition. We've talked about it a few times now and he's admitted that he can finally understand what I went/go through.

I'm thankful though, that lately the light days far outnumber the dark days. It used to be the other way around. Things haven't been great lately, but I think it's mostly just a genuine response to some tough times rather than my old depression.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Darryl on September 02, 2011, 08:32:29 PM
I've battled depression since I was 20 years old when I was hospitalized during my last year or college for about a week. Didn't ever get medicated till about 3 years ago and it's been an on going fight since then.  At it's worst I suffer from severe insomnia and just have no will to want to socialize or leave my apartment which to begin with I have always been a person who keeps to himself alot since I've been a teenager.

I honestly have a hard time talking about it with people in my life just because I have had a bad experience when sharing my problem with a former friend who knew of my depression problems and started harassing me making references that I should kill myself, cut my wrists etc.

Seems lately though after several med changes things have been going well. Plus making the effort to get in touch with friends more and get out of the house seems to help me.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 03, 2011, 01:45:56 AM
I am very curious about the various medication that some of you are taking.  I am very afraid of going on them...not quite sure why.  Perhaps it is my experience with what I am sure were pyschosomatic responses from my condition and that the drugs will serve as a reminder that there is something wrong with me.  I am also scared of the side effects...will it destroy my family?  Could it make it worse?  I know you may have to find the right combination and it can be trial and error.  I would rather be at 75% than risk going back into that hellhole state...nothing frightens me more than that prospect.  But lately my anxiety is taking a turn for the worse but thankfully without the depression.  I can deal with anything as long as the depressive state is not there.  But the medication is something I probably should research if worse comes to worse.

I found it quite useless and in fact maybe even counterproductive to talk to my wife or parents about it.  They just didn't understand and would suggest my life was too good and I had no worries and was just the being an ungrateful and bored, spoiled person.  They couldn't be further from the truth as I worried about alot of things.  I know for a fact that i don't get bored, as I am not an outgoing person and prefer to be home although I am by no means am I agoraphobic.  I had to hide my stash of lorazepam as my wife threw them out as I took one in front of her.  I have this one last bottle of 6-7 pills i raided from my dads medicine cabinet.  He used it when he had to give speeches, amd hes now rtired so he doesnt need it.  I treat them like gold cuz like someone previously said knowing it's there and that it works, is sometimes what keeps it from being bad.

Recently wE had an argument and I told her I'm giving in cuz I can't argue anymore due to my nerves being totally shot from the anxiety and chest tightness I've been experiecing lately.  They just dont seem to realize the extent of the suffering involved and almost directly accuse me of making excuses to be treated with kid gloves.  I think that is one reason sufferors of depression and anxiety tend to suffer alone.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 03, 2011, 02:12:32 AM
Im really sorry about all my long winded personal accounts.  It's just easier for me to let it out as an anonymous poster.  I never knew how much I needed this.  I guess im doing this mOre for my own selfish reasons than anything else.  Thanks for listening.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on September 03, 2011, 03:25:20 AM
Sucka, lorazepam is a benzodiazepine and isn't something that you can just stop and say...........ok, I'll function fine now. You have to weed off of it slowly because it is addictive. Cut whatever you have in half and just go through your day as if you didn't cut the pills.

It's not that big a deal anyway because I'll give you a scenario..............say the two of us were sitting around and watching a hockey game and I turned to you and said........have a panic attack. Make your hands shake more than they ever have before and feel more anxious than you ever have in your life because I want to see how bad you have it. Make your heart skip beats too. Right now.

Would you be able to do it? You damn well know you wouldn't because if you want anxiety to happen, it doesn't.

People like us are so worried about doing anything because of the pressure of anxiety and yet we can't even get anxiety to happen when it's pressured on us.

How f'd up is that?

We spend our lives sitting around in fear because it's something you don't want to happen. The second you want it to, it isn't there for you. Kind of like a friend that sucka's off you all your life and isn't there when you need them.

Shift your thinking from being afraid of anxiety to asking it to do more because you need it to. When you do that, anxiety shrinks like a penis after a swim in the Arctic Ocean.

Pick up the book I mentioned..........Hope and Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. I donèt know if youève read it yet but itès pretty good.

I hit something on my keyboard that turned it to french and itès too late to give a shit. I donèt even know how to get it back. Damn Quebec and everyone that lives there.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 03, 2011, 04:07:57 AM
I've never used the pills on any regularity except when they were first prescribed and that was only for 1 week and I saved the rest and used it judiciciuosly, usually only half, although my dads bottle contains the little round ones which I can't bite half of.  I really like your advice, I will give that a try...Looks like another night of no sleep
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: 13 on September 06, 2011, 03:18:05 PM
Thank you all for this thread. I've been suffering from depression for about 15 years now. I lost most of my familly and friends by pushing them away. Last summer it came to a head and if not for the fear of messing up  my kids and my mom, I am sure I woulda ended it. I just started getting help about 6 months ago and just started (last thursday) wellbutrin.
 I really thought I was one of very few. Thank you all for your honesty and openness. I really believe reading through all this has helped me more then my shrink has in half a year.
 I know this may sound stupid, but I feel like I just had a big comforting hug. Thank you all.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on September 07, 2011, 12:29:11 PM
Today has been an awful day so far for my anxiety.  It started before news of the plane crash, so I can't blame it on that.  I feel tight all over, chest hurts, sweats, shakey...  I took Ativan and it didn't do much.  What an awful feeling - really feel like crying.  I hate when it gets like this, which happens a couple times a week recently.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on September 07, 2011, 02:04:38 PM
Today has been an awful day so far for my anxiety.  It started before news of the plane crash, so I can't blame it on that.  I feel tight all over, chest hurts, sweats, shakey...  I took Ativan and it didn't do much.  What an awful feeling - really feel like crying.  I hate when it gets like this, which happens a couple times a week recently.

I tried doing what Wendel's Fist said...basically giving my anxiety a big F--U.  Instead of fearing it i was trying to be defiant and maybe it's premature but i think it is working.  I haven't felt the weak arms as much, and the tightness in my chest is dissapating.  It's still there, but not as severe and sometimes i don't even notice anything which is good!(I've also tried sleeping on the floor and maybe that's helped a bit too in a way).  I know my situation pales in degree but try it, hopefully it helps.  I've been eating better, alot of salad (but I put enough dressing so it's probably the same as a supersized big mac meal, it's a start though).  And also started running in the evenings...man, I never knew how out of shape i was.  All this talk here finally made me make some changes that i've been putting off.  Hopefully it sticks and works cuz i'm really tired of being tired and unwell. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on September 07, 2011, 03:24:27 PM
That thing that I mentioned to do is just one thing you can do with anxiety. I keep bringing up that book "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" because it goes into great detail about what's happening with you when you have anxiety.

Two things happen.........you have the initial anxiety or panic and then you have the fear of it. It all seems like one thing but the second fear of it returning is what keeps it coming back. If you relax that second fear and just let anxiety happen, then it isn't as overwhelming. Then it's just a matter of time to let your nerves heal themselves the same way a broken bone would have to.

Trust me guys, just pick up that book if you've never read it before. It covers every symptom of anxiety and tells you how to handle it. You won't regret it and it isn't expensive at all. Just read the reviews for it on Amazon and you'll see what I mean.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on September 07, 2011, 04:08:58 PM
I've had problems with depression and anxiety for around 10 years now. I have tried a lot of different pills such as mirtazapin, efexor, citalopram, seroxat, sobril, stesolid, atrax, etc...none of those have worked well. The only one of those pills that were any good for me was sobril, it was for severe anxiety...it's addictive though, but it never became a problem for me. I have tried different types of CBT as well. For a while ago I tried CBT for depression through the internet, but it didn't work out so the healthcare decided to stop the treatment. Right now I'm trying the same thing for my social anxiety, but it hasn't worked out well either. And considering that I lost my job as well, it doesn't make it easier to expose yourself to different situations.

What's annoying for me, is that most people don't seem to understand. And im getting tired of trying to explain, and when I don't explain people draw their own conclusions about me. And they are usually wrong. One thing that people comment a lot is that I don't smile a lot, and basically never laugh. That's quite frustrating. Because people always seem to think about this. Sometimes people try to tell a joke, that I think is funny, and I understand it, but I don't laugh. And then they try to explain that it was a joke, and I just feel stupid. Things like this only make my social anxiety worse, so I try to avoid most social situations that could lead to feelings of some sort.

I usually avoid most relations, and a lot of people say that it's hard to get to know me. But I honestly don't really know how to solve it. I've tried so many types of treatments. It's also frustrating when you read that people with these kinds of trouble usually have a worse life in general, don't get the same type of careers, have a harder time with relations etc. And the problems usually come back.

Sometimes I don't know if I avoid meeting someone due to the standards I expect or for the fact that I'm not doing well. Everytime someone seems to be interested I always find an excuse. And it has happend that I actually like that person and want to get to know her, but I always find some weird way of getting out of it. I have a lot of problems with my energy levels. A lot of the time I get into other types of trouble too, such as me not having the energy to clean etc, and then I just think "Meh, who cares, I'm not gonna invite anyone anyways, it's just me..." And I found out the other day that I'm underweight, and I have too little water in the body..and I have problems with some gum disease as well, it's pulling back, and it has been doing so for quite some time. And I just constantly lose motivation. My answer to every problem now is basically either "I don't care..." or "I don't have the energy to act..."

And i'm constantly joking about my health, and that annoys some people. Sometimes people that care say things such as "you can't go on like this, you must start taking care of yourself". And in those cases I might actually smile and say stuff such as "hey, well at least it will be one less mouth to feed, it's all good for mother nature".
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Derk on September 07, 2011, 05:17:58 PM
I read through most of this thread and wanted to thank everyone for sharing such personal information about very difficult times in your lives (past and present).

I have suffered from mild depression from time to time - mainly where I get to the point of apathy and emptiness - "who cares"? Fortunately, a coffee sometimes helps, as does socializing. However, I have dealt with depression and anxiety on a more personal level through my family (the person in question is very private, so I won't share very many specific details at the moment), and I have found it very difficult to watch someone close to me suffer like that. I do what I can, mainly offer support (physical, emotional) without trying to give too much advice (note that this is specific to my situation - they generally get more upset if they are given advice).

Because of this, I have read a few books on the subject. One is specific to depression in men, called "Irritible Male Syndrome" by Jed Diamond. His thesis is that many men first exhibit depression through irritibility and short temperedness. It may be worth a read.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on September 13, 2011, 08:01:56 PM
Here's a really good read about Micheal Landsberg and Wade Belak, their connection and friendship, and their suffering with depression.
http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=375694
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on October 01, 2011, 10:30:12 PM
I've got a question for others who've ever suffered from anxiety.......

Does it piss you off in the way it's portrayed on tv or the way "anxiety attack" is taken today, when you know the difference between what it's like to actually have one, compared to just being really stressed out?

The reason I'm asking is, like I said in my long ass story, there was a decade where I didn't know what to call what I had.

Today, you see people saying that they're having "anxiety attacks" when they're just stressed out. It amazes me how common it is to say anxiety attack when it wasn't heard of 20 or 30 years ago.

They can't even do it well on tv. The Sopranos was based on Tony having panic or anxiety attacks and all he did was widen his eyes for a second and pass out. Who the hell has ever passed out when they've had a panic attack? If that's all that ever happened, I'd never have been worried about one.

So I just wanted to see if anyone else was annoyed by the way it's thrown out there by people who have no f'ing idea of what it's really all about.

And to anybody who's never really had a panic or anxiety attack.............worrying or stressing too much, isn't one.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on October 02, 2011, 02:10:59 AM
I'm curious to know if any of you was ever prescribed Cirprofloxacin before?  It's a flouride based antibiotic.  I have a notion that that this may have triggered my problems.  I noticed things went downhill for me bigtime after a doctor prescribed this (poison) to me. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on October 02, 2011, 04:04:54 AM
I'm curious to know if any of you was ever prescribed Cirprofloxacin before?  It's a flouride based antibiotic.  I have a notion that that this may have triggered my problems.  I noticed things went downhill for me bigtime after a doctor prescribed this (poison) to me. 

Is that Sodium Fluoride, the aluminum manufacturing bi-product? The one in toothpaste and drinking water?

I haven't been prescribed that, but I can tell you that it may be the source of your problems, depending on what they are. There is a long list of information on the internet about the side effects of Sodium Fluoride. It's a non-organic poison and it's been called the greatest fraud that has ever been perpetrated before.

I'm not too familiar with Ciprofloxacin, but I avoid fluoride as much as I can. It's been linked to all kinds of problems and it should be banned IMO.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on October 02, 2011, 05:00:17 AM
I'm curious to know if any of you was ever prescribed Cirprofloxacin before?  It's a flouride based antibiotic.  I have a notion that that this may have triggered my problems.  I noticed things went downhill for me bigtime after a doctor prescribed this (poison) to me. 

Is that Sodium Fluoride, the aluminum manufacturing bi-product? The one in toothpaste and drinking water?

I haven't been prescribed that, but I can tell you that it may be the source of your problems, depending on what they are. There is a long list of information on the internet about the side effects of Sodium Fluoride. It's a non-organic poison and it's been called the greatest fraud that has ever been perpetrated before.

I'm not too familiar with Ciprofloxacin, but I avoid fluoride as much as I can. It's been linked to all kinds of problems and it should be banned IMO.




I purposefully avoid using toothpaste with fluoride.  I use natural-based toothpaste such as Tom's of Maine, or, Healthy Mouth by Jason (containing Tea Tree Oil & Cinnamon -- natural bacteria inhibitors).


As for tap water, I don't drink it.  Instead, I buy bottled (jug) spring water, even though not all spring waters/natural water is created equal.  Sometimes bottled water may just be filtered tap water, and, devoid of any necessary minerals needed by the body, such as magnesium, which, by the way, is present in regular water.  (Mother Nature knows what she's gotta do)!  Unfortunately, even with repeated assertions by so-called experts that regular water is cleaner than bottled water, it still contains chloride, aluminum, and other contaminants.


The best way to drink tap water would be to install a reliable and tested water filtration system.  Very few are considered worthy.  One of them that my doctor recommends is called Watop -- ionizes the water and filters it at the same time, making the water the proper P.H..  Expensive, though, but worth it, I guess.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on December 20, 2011, 07:54:20 AM
Depression sucks.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on December 20, 2011, 08:59:47 AM
I'm curious to know if any of you was ever prescribed Cirprofloxacin before?  It's a flouride based antibiotic.  I have a notion that that this may have triggered my problems.  I noticed things went downhill for me bigtime after a doctor prescribed this (poison) to me.
I am not sure about this, but I think that I've read or heard that different types of fluoride can affect the nervous system in a negative way.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on December 20, 2011, 09:21:59 AM
Here's what I've learned after having problems with anxiety and depression for around 10 years:

Panic anxiety: Very related to stress, and often also related to other physical problems. For me I had a lot of trouble with my stomach. Really bad spasms etc. It could drive me completely nuts. And I mean I could feel like climbing the walls in public. Once on a train I had so much problems with the anxiety and the stomach, that I actually seriously thought about standing up and telling everyone that I must lock myself in on the toilet for 1,5 hours. And I'm a pretty shy guy, so doing something like that just meant that I was completely out of balance. But like many other times, I was sitting, counting every 2nd, trying to listening to music, trying to sleep, trying to distract myself, and nothing worked. I was living inside my head.

Right now I have no issues with panic anxiety though. I have regular anxiety at times, but for some reason it doesn't get very strong. I was taking antidepressant for a long time. I've stopped doing that, and haven't taken any for 2,5 years or so. For me it was also related to pressure. I demanded a lot from myself. And not heaving a steady job, not feeling well etc, it was hard to live up to all of that. I was living in the future all the time.

The key for me now is to avoid sugar, because I ate a lot of it when I got really depressed, I still do at times, although I'm more aware of the fact that it certainly doesn't help. I try to eat something else I like instead that is good for me, like grilled chicken or something. Although it's not ideal, it's a lot better than sitting with cookies, candy and potato chips. My stomach kept me from getting overweight though, since it just threw everything out :D

I'm grateful that I don't have the panic attacks anymore. Haven't had any for a long time. I don't get stressed about it anymore. I don't think "what if". I'm more calm now. So what have I changed? I've changed things to the diet, I try to eat more magnesium and vitamin-D. I try to eat more natural food. What I hated the most about those years, is that I got so stressed about everything. I mean if I just saw a queue of some kind and I needed tickets, my stomach and head would freak out. Same thing if I walked into a train that was crowded. "What if I don't get out of the train? What if my stomach gets so screwed up that I can't hold it back, and it happens in public? etc..."

Depression:
I guess I've been having depression on and off, but it was really really bad in 2006, I had to have contact with the health care daily basically, and had to promise that I wouldn't do anything stupid. I was climbing the walls basically, I couldn't eat, couldn't watch tv, I just laid in bed and tried to breathe, and counted the seconds and hoping that I'd find a way to get out of it. I had these really weird issues before it got really bad. I had no confidence at all and thought of myself as a complete screwup. I couldn't even do my laundry, because I thought that people would look at me and think like "hey, haven't seen this guy around here before". "Look he pushed the wrong button on the washing machine and screwed up, what an idiot!". And im my apartment I had this spot, I guess it was fat or something on a wallpaper. And I was afraid that the company that was a part of the local region in the area would get pissed and make me pay LOADS for it. For a while I was almost afraid to move because I thought I would get into so much problem. It was a freaking little spot on a wall, and it was consuming a lot of time for me in anxiety. Right now I don't get it. It sounds completely stupid to me to get stressed for such a little thing. But at that time....I also had these weird routines that I probably shouldn't admit ;D But I hated the light basically, and I had anxiety all the time. When I went to the toilet I shut down the lights and turned on the mp3-player. And the same thing there, today, I don't get it, it just sounds weird to me. But I was that guy.

And im not sure what it's like in Canada, but I assume that it could be faily close to Sweden weather wise. In Sweden it's really really dark during the winter. I mean the sun starts going down at around 2-3 pm in Stockholm basically. And a lot of the swedes lack vitamin-d. And when we grow adults always said "You must drink a lot of milk to grow up and become a strong boy". And I drank milk like crazy, and that I found out for a few years ago is that too much calcium can screw up the magnesium levels as well as vitamin-d, and therefore affect the nervous system in a negative way.

I'm still a bit lost though. My biggest problem now is that basically all feelings give me anxiety. So I try to avoid all situations where I could get feelings - which is basically all situations where humans are around. And I hate birthdays, funerals, weddings anything like that. Because people sometimes point out when I don't smile, or I don't cry etc. And then I get anxiety over it, because I do get a confirmation that people see it. And I don't really know how to get out of it. I mean I don't want to fake a laugh, just for the sake of it. I want it to be natural. But when people point out that I don't laugh and talk about it. It's like if I do laugh, people will talk about that too, or say that it's nice to see me happy etc. And then I would get anxiety over it, because then I know that people are watching me. And I don't like to be the centre of attention, and then it gives me more anxiety, and more reason for me to avoid people :D
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on December 31, 2011, 12:36:06 AM
It really is a vicious cycle, isn't it Stebro?  Funny, when i had my myriad of tests, my doctor said i was severely low on vitamin D.  Now when it's sunny on a Saturday/Sunday, I strip down my little kids to the underwear and let them soak in the sun by the window together for 10-15 minutes.  Kinda wierd I suppose if a neighbour sees, but it feels good.  But i don't think you can see into a window when it's bright out.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on December 31, 2011, 09:17:57 AM
It really is a vicious cycle, isn't it Stebro?  Funny, when i had my myriad of tests, my doctor said i was severely low on vitamin D.  Now when it's sunny on a Saturday/Sunday, I strip down my little kids to the underwear and let them soak in the sun by the window together for 10-15 minutes.  Kinda wierd I suppose if a neighbour sees, but it feels good.  But i don't think you can see into a window when it's bright out.

You can take vitamin D3, but make sure it's more than what they recommend. I take 4000 IU's a day in the winter and I think you can have up to 6000 IU's, in the normal range. Vitamin D is very important for our health and often gets over looked. With all the sun screen people put on these days, I think we often miss out on the important rays. Most vitamin D3 gets absorbed through our eyes, but most of us are accustomed to wearing sunglasses all the time and this blocks a lot of that.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on January 01, 2012, 03:13:06 AM
It really is a vicious cycle, isn't it Stebro?  Funny, when i
had my myriad of tests, my doctor said i was severely
 low on vitamin D.  Now when it's sunny on a
Saturday/Sunday, I strip down my little kids to the
underwear and let them soak in the sun by the window
 together for 10-15 minutes.  Kinda wierd I suppose if a
 neighbour sees, but it feels good.  But i don't think you
 can see into a window when it's bright out.


You can take vitamin D3, but make sure it's more than
what they recommend. I take 4000 IU's a day in the
winter and I think you can have up to 6000 IU's, in the
normal range. Vitamin D is very important for our health
 and often gets over looked. With all the sun screen
people put on these days, I think we often miss out on
the important rays. Most vitamin D3 gets absorbedthrough our eyes, but most of us are
accustomed to wearing sunglasses all the time and this
 blocks a lot of that.


I take 25,000 IUs of a specially-formulated Vitamin D (a professional health product not found at a health food store).  I buy it at either my doctor's pharmacy or at a compunding pharmacy.  Why 25,000 IUs?  Because I have a  serious deficiency, a malabsorption problem coupled with my other health (immune-related) problems.  I'm just one if those people who needs that much every day.

Most healthy people can use up to 5,000 IUs.  It all depends on how much one needs.  A 25-hydroxy test will help determine one's Vitamin D levels.  (I have to pay $30 each time I have a general analysis.  OHIP doesn't cover the 25-hydroxy test anymore).

An excellent book explaining about Vitamin D and all it's benefits is written by Dr. Zoltan Rona, entitled,  "Vitamin D:  The Sunshine Vitamin".

Here is a link:  http://www.hans.org/magazine/713/impressive-benefits-vitamin-health.html
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 01, 2012, 05:48:52 AM
It really is a vicious cycle, isn't it Stebro?  Funny, when i
had my myriad of tests, my doctor said i was severely
 low on vitamin D.  Now when it's sunny on a
Saturday/Sunday, I strip down my little kids to the
underwear and let them soak in the sun by the window
 together for 10-15 minutes.  Kinda wierd I suppose if a
 neighbour sees, but it feels good.  But i don't think you
 can see into a window when it's bright out.


You can take vitamin D3, but make sure it's more than
what they recommend. I take 4000 IU's a day in the
winter and I think you can have up to 6000 IU's, in the
normal range. Vitamin D is very important for our health
 and often gets over looked. With all the sun screen
people put on these days, I think we often miss out on
the important rays. Most vitamin D3 gets absorbedthrough our eyes, but most of us are
accustomed to wearing sunglasses all the time and this
 blocks a lot of that.


I take 25,000 IUs of a specially-formulated Vitamin D (a professional health product not found at a health food store).  I buy it at either my doctor's pharmacy or at a compunding pharmacy.  Why 25,000 IUs?  Because I have a  serious deficiency, a malabsorption problem coupled with my other health (immune-related) problems.  I'm just one if those people who needs that much every day.

Most healthy people can use up to 5,000 IUs.  It all depends on how much one needs.  A 25-hydroxy test will help determine one's Vitamin D levels.  (I have to pay $30 each time I have a general analysis.  OHIP doesn't cover the 25-hydroxy test anymore).

An excellent book explaining about Vitamin D and all it's benefits is written by Dr. Zoltan Rona, entitled,  "Vitamin D:  The Sunshine Vitamin".

Here is a link:  http://www.hans.org/magazine/713/impressive-benefits-vitamin-health.html
I only take 800 IU's now, I used to take 2000 though. I do also have a malabsorption problem. My doctor told me that I could get defficient in all fat-soluble vitamins due to that problem. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on January 02, 2012, 08:51:38 PM
I'd have to say though, I wish all vitamins are as small and easy to take as vit D.  Having a multi vitamin stuck sideways, halfway down really sucks.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 03, 2012, 08:29:24 AM
I'd have to say though, I wish all vitamins are as small and easy to take as vit D.  Having a multi vitamin stuck sideways, halfway down really sucks.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I've taken some omega 3 before, and the ones I used always made my troath hurt, because they were a bit too big. On a side note, I picked up stronger pills of vitamin D today. Also saw a youtube-clip on Vitamin D, where they compared how much you get in Boston, Edmonton, Bergen, and you got the least in Bergen, so living in Sweden I should probably take Vitamin D :D most days I don't even see the sun now.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on January 04, 2012, 03:21:47 AM
I'd have to say though, I wish all vitamins are as small and easy to take as vit D.  Having a multi vitamin stuck sideways, halfway down really sucks.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I've taken some omega 3 before, and the ones I used always made my troath hurt, because they were a bit too big. On a side note, I picked up stronger pills of vitamin D today. Also saw a youtube-clip on Vitamin D, where they compared how much you get in Boston, Edmonton, Bergen, and you got the least in Bergen, so living in Sweden I should probably take Vitamin D :D most days I don't even see the sun now.




Some vitamins can be sliced in half with a pill cutter, while others come in capsule form.  There's always liquid vitamins which in my opinion can be absorbed much better and more thoroughly.  Not every single health food store has the same brands. 


I take a powder, mixed with half and half of some juice and water, that contains all the amino acids, minerals, vitamins and protein (all from rice and pea protein, no dairy, no animal products), is a detoxifier, liver protector and antioxidant.  It is specially formulated for people with bowel problems, deficiencies, and malabsorption issues.  Works very well for me.


Try to find liquid vitamins if you can, or, capsules which are far easier to swallow with a glass of water.  Here in Canada, Platinum Naturals makes excellent complete vitamins for men and women, all capsules, no fillers.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on January 08, 2012, 02:25:21 AM
I'd have to say though, I wish all vitamins are as small and easy to take as vit D.  Having a multi vitamin stuck sideways, halfway down really sucks.

Some people get a phobia with swallowing pills. I've never had that but I know what you mean when a pill gets stuck.

The best thing to do with a big pill is to swallow some water first then put it on your tongue and fill your mouth with more water. Then move the pill around in the water before you swallow. You probably won't have that problem again.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on January 15, 2012, 02:53:27 AM
Just came across this story of actress Heather Locklear, who was rushed to an L.A. hospital after what appeared to have been  a "dangerous mix of alcohol and prescription medications."
She had been struggling with depression and anxiety for several years, coping with a divorce to musician Richie Sambora, and, more recently, a broken-off engagement, as well as caring for her family. 

I remember her having had a strong-willed personality, straightforward and strong, as she was described, and not having had any of the so-called "Hollywood" problems.  Apparently, it goes to show, that depression and anxiety can take it's toll on anyone (triggered by a set of circumstances in that person's life), and the need for help, which is often not sought early enough.

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/heather-locklear-rushed-to-hospital.html (http://tv.yahoo.com/news/heather-locklear-rushed-to-hospital.html)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on January 16, 2012, 01:32:16 PM

Some people get a phobia with swallowing pills. I've never had that but I know what you mean when a pill gets stuck.

The best thing to do with a big pill is to swallow some water first then put it on your tongue and fill your mouth with more water. Then move the pill around in the water before you swallow. You probably won't have that problem again.

Good advice!

I take almost 30 pills daily - some in am, some in pm.  The morning ones are 19 of them at once.

Here's what I'm on, since I share my mental health issues with others:
Metformin/Glumetza and Januvia for diabetes,
Micardis for blood pressure,
Allopurinol for gout and kidney stones,
Synthroid for thyroid issues,
Cipralex/Seroquel/Clomipramine/Clonazepam for depression and anxiety,
Concerta to wake me up in the morning, and
Ativan as needed for severe anxiety attacks
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 19, 2012, 01:41:02 PM
Great, things are going downhill again. Being unemployed for longer of periods of time isn't healthy if you already have a depression. I haven't had any kind of treatment for a long time though. Now, I'm open to taking pills again though although it hasn't worked before for me. So I called the place that is closest to me. So what I learned is that they don't have enough staff and I'd have to wait at least 2 months, and I can't go to the ER since I don't have suicide thoughts. After making a few calls another place might accept taking the responsibility. I hope so, because they're better than the other place.

What bothers me is that I don't honestly know what to do. Should I continue to fight it and try to work. Or should I accept being on sick leave and basically make myself impossible to hire. What's frustrating is that I can't see how I'll ever get out of this. It's been going on so long.

What made things worse was that I had applied for lots of jobs and had good hope that I would get hired, and was called to several interviews. But I managed to screw them all up with my social phobia. And they always ask me about the gap in my CV, and I tell them why, and then they always get suspicious and ask stuff like "don't you think that this kind of work might be too much for you?". "We can't afford having people gone". It's like I'm some kind of nuclear waste or something that everyone wants to avoid at all costs.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 19, 2012, 01:53:02 PM
I somewhat know how you feel. I talked to my doctor just a few weeks ago, and his response was the mental health services in Ontario are terribly over-worked and I'd have to wait about four months to see anyone. His advice was to look at private health care providers. Very expensive. :( I've got some benefits at work, but only enough to cover two sessions at most.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 19, 2012, 01:55:17 PM
I somewhat know how you feel. I talked to my doctor just a few weeks ago, and his response was the mental health services in Ontario are terribly over-worked and I'd have to wait about four months to see anyone. His advice was to look at private health care providers. Very expensive. :( I've got some benefits at work, but only enough to cover two sessions at most.
I can also get help from the private health care, but kind of have the same issue, and I'm on unemployment benefits. So I don't really have a lot to work with. Personally I think that if the waiting lists are too long the state should purchase more services from the private health care to help out the patients.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Deebo on January 19, 2012, 01:59:58 PM
I somewhat know how you feel. I talked to my doctor just a few weeks ago, and his response was the mental health services in Ontario are terribly over-worked and I'd have to wait about four months to see anyone. His advice was to look at private health care providers. Very expensive. :( I've got some benefits at work, but only enough to cover two sessions at most.

I went to my family doctor in February of 2010 for a referral I finally got a call from the Hospital in late June and was in an IPT group in the middle of July, I stayed in that for about 8 months before I was basically told that I couldn't be in that group anymore.

It helped with shifting how I perceive the actions of others but I still have low motivation to do anything, pretty terrible self-esteem and a paralyzing fear of being alone and like stebro I've been unemployed so long that I can't get any interviews to try and get back on the right path.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 19, 2012, 02:09:34 PM
I somewhat know how you feel. I talked to my doctor just a few weeks ago, and his response was the mental health services in Ontario are terribly over-worked and I'd have to wait about four months to see anyone. His advice was to look at private health care providers. Very expensive. :( I've got some benefits at work, but only enough to cover two sessions at most.
It helped with shifting how I perceive the actions of others but I still have low motivation to do anything, pretty terrible self-esteem and a paralyzing fear of being alone and like stebro I've been unemployed so long that I can't get any interviews to try and get back on the right path.
I recognize that too. What worries me is that I was on sick leave before. And I have issues trying to convince them now that it wont be a problem. And if I get on a sick leave again, it will be ever harder. In general I think that the healthcare stinks when it comes to these kind of problems. Because the need is very high in Sweden and I'm sure it's similar in Canada. But what's common here is that each patient get like 10 times of CBT, then they evaluate. And if you need more, you have start over again and wait. It's not always like that, but it's very common.

What happend the last time I was on sick leave is that they only treated me with CBT for panic anxiety, although they said that I have depression and social phobia. And then they basically forced me out from the sick leave again, without CBT for the other problems. So the problems were never really solved. Then I worked for a while and just hoped that it wouldn't end bad, then I lost my job again. And now they are trying to force me to take jobs I'm overqualfied for that doesn't match my education, that I have had health issues with before. The healthcare understands, but the unemployment agency etc doesn't. And in order to get special rules it must be proven that the type of work I don't think is good for me is making my health worse, which is kind of difficult to do.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 19, 2012, 07:38:02 PM
The stupid thing is I stub my toe I can go see my doctor within a couple of days. Have mental issues preventing you from working and contributing to the tax base and need to see a mental health professional? forget it.....
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: L K on January 19, 2012, 08:27:35 PM
I somewhat know how you feel. I talked to my doctor just a few weeks ago, and his response was the mental health services in Ontario are terribly over-worked and I'd have to wait about four months to see anyone. His advice was to look at private health care providers. Very expensive. :( I've got some benefits at work, but only enough to cover two sessions at most.

It's a massive problem.  I was part of a task force a year or so ago that was trying to promote the implementation a British system that brought in mental health services (Psychiatry, Psychology and Social Work).  The numbers are pretty clear that 7-11 sessions of fully paid CBT far outweigh the QALY and CEA costs.  Of course it was hit with stonewalling on all fronts.  It's the big challenge with the Canadian health care system.  The Doctors want health prevention medicine, all of the research says its the best from a health, economic and societal approach and yet the government won't make the short term investments necessary to make it happen.

But hey, they can find money to lose on fake lakes.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on January 19, 2012, 08:58:57 PM
The Doctors want health prevention medicine, all of the research says its the best from a health, economic and societal approach and yet the government won't make the short term investments necessary to make it happen.

What is that?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on January 19, 2012, 09:26:31 PM
Does anybody else know what health prevention medicine is?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: L K on January 19, 2012, 10:27:34 PM
Does anybody else know what health prevention medicine is?

Slip of the fingers.  I'm trying to study for finals at the same time as running my mouth about hockey/other things. 

I meant preventative medicine - health shouldn't be there.  Just the notion that it costs a heck of a lot less to treat someone for a minor problem and give them the skills to avoid bad outcomes in the future than it does to treat them when they get into the tertiary care centres. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on January 19, 2012, 10:57:15 PM
I meant preventative medicine - health shouldn't be there.  Just the notion that it costs a heck of a lot less to treat someone for a minor problem and give them the skills to avoid bad outcomes in the future than it does to treat them when they get into the tertiary care centres. 

Oh, then I agree.

I'm losing a lot of faith in conventional medicine these days. I'm tired of going to see my physician and coming out with no answers, however with a prescription in my hands. I've turned the corner with these things and have more faith in not only preventative medicine, but also natural medicine.

When you start to research things like Flouride (in water) and the effects of some vaccinations, you start to understand that conventional medicine is way off at times. I'm not saying that conventional medicine doesn't have it's applications, because of course it does, but I understand now that you have to do your own research and more specifically, get more than one opinion on things.

One thing that I've learned is that pharmaceutical companies have their own agenda and interfere with governing bodies to suit their own position, a lot of time giving false information to doctors, which ultimately directly affects the care that we all receive at times. I won't go too much into that, but encourage folks to do their own research in regards to their health.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on January 19, 2012, 11:17:36 PM
I'm taking several dozen pills daily for blood pressure, diabetes, and depression/anxiety.  I'm REALLY lucky to have a great psychologist and social worker at our hospital's outpatient mental health clinic.  They also have several groups that they have ongoing weekly that I can attend.

I've applied for CPP-disability 5 months ago. I don't hold out much hope, and expect that I'll need to appeal.  My mental health team, including family DR, all agree that I'm nowhere near employable right now - and have been like this for 2 years. There's been suicide attempts, 5 different hospitalizations since last May, and they even tried Shock Treatment on my brain 5 different times.  It's a F'n daily struggle to not go back to the safe zone of the hospital mental health floor...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on January 20, 2012, 02:10:56 AM
I'm losing a lot of faith in conventional medicine these days. I'm tired of going to see my physician and coming out with no answers, however with a prescription in my hands. I've turned the corner with these things and have more faith in not only preventative medicine, but also natural medicine.

When you start to research things like Flouride (in water) and the effects of some vaccinations, you start to understand that conventional medicine is way off at times. I'm not saying that conventional medicine doesn't have it's applications, because of course it does, but I understand now that you have to do your own research and more specifically, get more than one opinion on things.

One thing that I've learned is that pharmaceutical companies have their own agenda and interfere with governing bodies to suit their own position, a lot of time giving false information to doctors, which ultimately directly affects the care that we all receive at times. I won't go too much into that, but encourage folks to do their own research in regards to their health.



That's exactly what I discovered with conventional medicine, doctors, etc.  concerning my medical problems, that I eventually turned to alternative medicine to address my (health) needs.


You are right on about the pharmaceuticals, it's even worse than tnat.  There had been investigative reports coming out of certain U.S. universities, quite scathing, in that Big Pharma inflates the cost of drug manufacturing by 100%.  Instead of a drug costing $100M,  it is inflated to $1B.  The pharmaceutical manufacturers are, by the way, the largest and most powerful lobbyists in North America.  That alone, should tell us something.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 20, 2012, 08:17:32 AM
It's a massive problem.  I was part of a task force a year or so ago that was trying to promote the implementation a British system that brought in mental health services (Psychiatry, Psychology and Social Work).  The numbers are pretty clear that 7-11 sessions of fully paid CBT far outweigh the QALY and CEA costs.  Of course it was hit with stonewalling on all fronts.  It's the big challenge with the Canadian health care system.  The Doctors want health prevention medicine, all of the research says its the best from a health, economic and societal approach and yet the government won't make the short term investments necessary to make it happen.

But hey, they can find money to lose on fake lakes.

Totally agree. It seems so simple of a concept. That is, preventative health care should save on costs tremendously while creating a more productive society.

You lost me a bit with the acronymns though. What are CBT, QALY, and CEA?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Britishbulldog on January 20, 2012, 09:25:49 AM
Folks, I don't want to hijack a thread but didn't know where else to put something as a grieving grampy.  Since I had posted in the bragging thread of my joy that my son and daughter in law had twins born healthy in December I wished to share with my many cyber friends here a tragic and completely unexpected update especially for those here who shared in my happiness.  Here is my FB status from last night:

(Again. please forgive me if this is out of line and mods I give you full authority to remove it without me being offended.  Although I lead a full life and have many industry forums, etc I could be active with besides face book, the only place I actually interact with people on the 'net is here.)

"And so ends one of the longest days of my life. My sorrow is deep because of the loss of my dear grand daughter Sarah-Esther Joy Britton. I am not sure the last time when I have cried this much. I typically walk in such joy most have never seen my tears.

2 things I must declare though. First is that through the pain... I have seen my church, my friends and my extended family display such love and sympathy that I humbly lay my head on the pillow realizing how blessed I am. Thank you to all of those who are reaching out to us at this time. I have taken the time to go through EVERY one of your notes, messages and prayers. Even though I haven't been able to respond please realize they are reaching their intended target.

Secondly, in the darkness of such grief there is a hope that pierces through like a sword because our little sweetheart is now with our Creator."
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on January 20, 2012, 09:38:13 AM
Words won't be enough Britishbulldog, but I extend my strongest sympathies to you and your family.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on January 20, 2012, 09:49:21 AM
BB, my heart is completely and absolutely broken for you, your son, DIL and your whole entire family.  No parent (or grandparent) should have to go through burying a child.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers during this time and I wish for peace (at some point) for all of you.  Please tell your son and DIL to just be there for each other and gentle gentle hugs to them.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Corn Flake on January 20, 2012, 10:06:23 AM
BB... words don't express enough... so so sorry for the loss of your granddaughter.  Deepest sympathies to your family.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Boston Leaf on January 20, 2012, 10:23:52 AM
So sorry BB...  :'(
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on January 20, 2012, 10:28:32 AM

Very sorry to hear it BB. Hope everyone pulls through what I'm sure will be a tough time.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on January 20, 2012, 10:55:45 AM
My deepest sympathies. Stay strong. I'm not a religious man but I will say a prayer for you and your family.   
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 20, 2012, 01:25:12 PM
Really sorry to hear that BB, don't know what to say really, other than im sorry, and that I hope that you and your family will find a way to get through it all as best as you can.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on January 20, 2012, 01:46:19 PM
Really sorry to hear that bulldog, thoughts to you and your family.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on January 20, 2012, 08:42:17 PM
Oh Dan, I am so sorry to hear this.  The good Lord works in mysterious ways.  I don't ever understand the death of such innocent little ones, but I trust that God has a purpose for her.

My deepest sympathies Dan.  Words just can't do justice to how you're feeling right now.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: moon111 on January 20, 2012, 11:21:59 PM
BB, our thoughts and prayers are with you. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Britishbulldog on January 21, 2012, 12:29:22 AM
Well folks, it is 1:40 am here in Moncton and I just got back from the airport to pick up my youngest daughter who is in college at Redding, California.

Thanks for all the notes and comments.  This community is awesome...even the Sens fans.  ;)

Tomorrow is going to be tough as I need to sit with my son and organize the funeral. 

I am beginning to realize the anguish associated with a parent having to bury their child.  In this case not only am I involved as a grandparent but my dad, who is in his early seventies and active leading an outreach to the city's poor and marginalized, will most likely be presiding over the service as a great-grandfather which under most circumstances (graduation, marriage,etc) would be a special circumstance.

Thanks again for the friendship in a tough time in my life.

Dan
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on January 21, 2012, 12:52:55 AM
Terrible news, BB.  Condolences to you and your family.  Words probably can never describe the pain of losing a loved one, especially a sweet child.  Be strong, and may the Lord be with you and your family in this time of mourning.

I'm sure that wherever she is up there heavens, she will watch over her grandpa and her dearest family.  Believe me, angels do watch over us.
Title: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Zee on January 21, 2012, 11:58:43 AM
My deepest condolences. Being a father of 2 and soon to be 3 children, I can't even imagine the pain and anguish your entire family must be going through. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on January 22, 2012, 12:05:33 AM
I don't think I've ever gotten into any kind of discussion on this board with you before BB but wow.

My deepest sympathies to what you're going through right now. That has to be like a nightmare that you can't wake up from. The ironic part is, sleep is probably the only escape.

I've seen a lot of people die that I've known but I can't imagine what it's like to see someone that young and innocent go that meant that much to you.

That's a different kind of rip into a soul.

God Bless you, your family and especially her twin.

Take care of yourself and I'm very sorry.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bleeding Blue & White on January 22, 2012, 01:00:37 AM
My deepest condolences BB, I know what it feels like to lose a loved one.  Over a year ago my mother died and it was very hard for me.  I was only 20 at the time and she was in relatively good health.

No one knew what to say to me and all I can say is that it gets better with time, very gradually but it does.   
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on January 23, 2012, 03:13:59 PM
Changing topics a little, and not wanting to take anything away from BB's terrible news...

I have mixed news. Actually GOOD news, I guess, although I'm struggling to see it that way. I've been granted CPP-Disability. Very seldom does one get it for mental health, especially without a lengthy appeal first. My mixed feelings are that my family doc and psychiatrist suggest I may never be healthy enough to work again... Kinda gives me a feeling of being pretty damn useless as a human being, husband & parent. I'm in a really big anxiety state over this now...

In case anyone doesn't know - I've spent over 60 days since May in hospital at various times for severe depression, panic attacks, Agoraphobia and suicidal tendancies.

Should be a decent retro cheque coming from CPP, although I'll likely have to pay back much of it for the time I was on EIB sick benefits.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on January 23, 2012, 03:32:37 PM
And again BB, your family are in my thoughts still as you deal with the loss of your beautiful little baby granddaughter.

Rick, congrats and I mean that respectfully.  You sir, have been through hell and back and you deserve to have received this to help yourself and your family.  Just remember, that you are not a useless human being, husband or parent.  Your family loves you and they would be at a total loss without you.  Just because you may not work again (who knows what the future holds), you are still a husband and a father and those are THE MOST important jobs in the world.

I hope that this news as lifted some weight off of your shoulders and I just wanted to send you some hugs.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on January 23, 2012, 03:39:49 PM
Keep on truckin', Rick. - Nobody is useless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIuz6fUtfRE&feature=youtube_gdata 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 23, 2012, 04:33:47 PM
My mixed feelings are that my family doc and psychiatrist suggest I may never be healthy enough to work again...

I'm not really qualified to speak against your doctors, but I find that a ridiculous statement. Don't take this the wrong way, but your physical health is really not good. Obviously, you know that by way of your excellent blog (150reasons.com -- go read it everybody!) So until your physical health is improved, you one convince me one bit that your mental health is uncurable.

They go hand-in-hand!

You may have to always take medication and you may not be able to have a full-time job, but I can almost guarantee that your mental health will improve with your physical health. Everybody I know (not many, admittedly) that has made major changes to their nutrition and exercise has admitted to feeling happier and more fulfilled.

It's clear that your wife supports you and your children love you; there's a reason for that.

Keep up the good work!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 23, 2012, 04:36:07 PM
I wanted to share something too, with everybody. Read the book "When the Body Says No." It's completely changes my outlook and disease and mental health. I'm convinced that 90% of disease is a result of stresses in our lives. It's made me honestly reevaluate my childhood and has shown how negative experiences have shaped how I am. This has allowed me to start considering how I'm going to become a healthier person.

I can't recommend the book highly enough.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Britishbulldog on January 23, 2012, 05:14:21 PM
Changing topics a little, and not wanting to take anything away from BB's terrible news...

I have mixed news. Actually GOOD news, I guess, although I'm struggling to see it that way. I've been granted CPP-Disability. Very seldom does one get it for mental health, especially without a lengthy appeal first. My mixed feelings are that my family doc and psychiatrist suggest I may never be healthy enough to work again... Kinda gives me a feeling of being pretty damn useless as a human being, husband & parent. I'm in a really big anxiety state over this now...

In case anyone doesn't know - I've spent over 60 days since May in hospital at various times for severe depression, panic attacks, Agoraphobia and suicidal tendancies.

Should be a decent retro cheque coming from CPP, although I'll likely have to pay back much of it for the time I was on EIB sick benefits.

That is good news Rick!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 25, 2012, 08:37:13 AM
I don't know where to put this, but I thought this was a goo a place as any.

My girlfriend of three years, whom I am living with currently, has all but broken up with me. I have no idea what to do right now. I feel we can make it work if we just tried harder (I guess it's easy to get complacent when you move in together for the first time) but she said that we want different things in our lives. She wants assurance of a marriage and kids, and those are things that I simply cannot guarantee. At 24, I do not want to have kids. I've barely even started a career and still need a few more certifications before I'm satisfied.

Marriage? Every marriage I know is in the process of or has already fallen apart. I am deathly afraid of marriage not of commitment but because it's an institution that, in my opinion, is a sham. I don't want the pagentry and attention. I'd rather save a whole bunch of money and put a down payment on a house and get in order financially.

Anyway, she believes these differences are too big to overcome. She hasn't said we're officially broken up yet, and I tried to pry it out of her but she wouldn't say it. But she repeatedly said she doesn't think it's something we can work on. We were going to talk about it yesterday, but there's nothing to talk about... She knows I think its because we have different work hours and don't have time to do a lot together. But its all so confusing as last week she was very close to me, we went out and had a good time, and she was planning a bloody vacation up until a couple days before. I just feel so sick to my stomach.

Besides the whole being an emotional mess, we have a year lease together and I can't afford to just pack up and leave to a new place, and I don't want to move back in with the parents *shudder.

I have no idea how to think/feel or what to say/do in this situation. I've never been broken up with, and the living together just adds a very depressing twist.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Manson on January 25, 2012, 10:30:56 AM
I don't know where to put this, but I thought this was a goo a place as any.

My girlfriend of three years, whom I am living with currently, has all but broken up with me. I have no idea what to do right now. I feel we can make it work if we just tried harder (I guess it's easy to get complacent when you move in together for the first time) but she said that we want different things in our lives. She wants assurance of a marriage and kids, and those are things that I simply cannot guarantee. At 24, I do not want to have kids. I've barely even started a career and still need a few more certifications before I'm satisfied.

Marriage? Every marriage I know is in the process of or has already fallen apart. I am deathly afraid of marriage not of commitment but because it's an institution that, in my opinion, is a sham. I don't want the pagentry and attention. I'd rather save a whole bunch of money and put a down payment on a house and get in order financially.

Anyway, she believes these differences are too big to overcome. She hasn't said we're officially broken up yet, and I tried to pry it out of her but she wouldn't say it. But she repeatedly said she doesn't think it's something we can work on. We were going to talk about it yesterday, but there's nothing to talk about... She knows I think its because we have different work hours and don't have time to do a lot together. But its all so confusing as last week she was very close to me, we went out and had a good time, and she was planning a bloody vacation up until a couple days before. I just feel so sick to my stomach.

Besides the whole being an emotional mess, we have a year lease together and I can't afford to just pack up and leave to a new place, and I don't want to move back in with the parents *shudder.

I have no idea how to think/feel or what to say/do in this situation. I've never been broken up with, and the living together just adds a very depressing twist.

I hate to break it to you, but girls want a marriage and a family.

Your situation is so common, the girl wants a wedding and kids, and the guy thinks the wedding is pointless and having kids hasn't even crossed his mind. It is really the classic scenario of a young couple.

As pointless as the wedding seems to the guy (you're already committed, why do you need to drop $20K to prove it) it is extremely important to most girls.  Most girls dream of their big day for a long time and is one of the biggest days of their life...probably second only to....having a baby.  Living just "common law" can be a depressing thought to them, especially with no kids...it just seems so "highschool".  At some point, they want a husband, not just a boyfriend.  They don't want to wait too long to have kids either because it takes such a physical toll and they want to be able to recover while still young, there's more risks to having kids after 30, and no one wants to be an "old mom".

This is a disagreement I don't think you're going to win.  You won't change her mind of something that is so important to her, and if you do get her to accept it, she will be living miserably.

You're only 24, so I don't expect you to get it, I certainly didn't when I was 24. 

It doesn't even sound like she needs you to get married and have kids immediately (although she probably would love that), but she needs to know it's part of the plan.  She's giving you some leeway.  If you can't commit to it being part of the plan, then she's not going to stick around.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 25, 2012, 10:44:19 AM
Manson's generalizations aside, kids and marriage truly are fundamental issues. If there isn't agreement there, it could be a major stumbling block to a successful relationship. But people do change, too. My wife never wanted kids then one day she completely changed and now we have a wonderful boy.

That aside, I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling. Sometimes love just isn't enough.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on January 25, 2012, 10:52:40 AM
Bender, I'm sorry you are going through this.  Some great insight and advice from Manson and BF.

It sounds like you both want completely different things in your lives and unless one or both of you are willing to accept some changes or come to some kind of agreement, then I don't think it's going to work.

I'm sorry that your haven't experienced "good" marriages in your life.  Honestly, I know you hear the negatives but there are alot of good long lasting marriages out there.  My parents are almost at 50 yrs and myself and my hubby will be celebrating 20 yrs of marriage this August and add in 3 kids.  Have they all been blissful?  No, all marriages have their ups and downs but it depends on if you are willing to work at it and it's work, I won't lie about that.

I hope that you both can come to a point where you are content and happy with whatever decision you decide to make.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on January 25, 2012, 11:13:33 AM
My girlfriend of three years, whom I am living with currently, has all but broken up with me. I have no idea what to do right now. I feel we can make it work if we just tried harder (I guess it's easy to get complacent when you move in together for the first time) but she said that we want different things in our lives. She wants assurance of a marriage and kids, and those are things that I simply cannot guarantee. At 24, I do not want to have kids. I've barely even started a career and still need a few more certifications before I'm satisfied.

Marriage? Every marriage I know is in the process of or has already fallen apart. I am deathly afraid of marriage not of commitment but because it's an institution that, in my opinion, is a sham. I don't want the pagentry and attention. I'd rather save a whole bunch of money and put a down payment on a house and get in order financially.

Anyway, she believes these differences are too big to overcome.

I empathize. I've been in a similar situation.

Don't pay too much attention to the generalizations being tossed around. My relationship, where she wanted marriage and stability and kids and such, didn't work out because I wasn't ready/didn't want those things. But there are women who aren't sure about kids. Or who don't want a wedding with all the frills. In the time since my significant break-up, I've dated women like that. So long as you're up-front about stuff like that there's not a problem.

Anyways, to you specifically, your girlfriend might be right. Those are big issues. If you're not on the same page regarding them, even when it comes to where you might be eventually, it can be very hard to work around.

Sorry to hear you're going through it though. I know it's not easy.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 25, 2012, 01:32:54 PM
My girlfriend of three years, whom I am living with currently, has all but broken up with me. I have no idea what to do right now. I feel we can make it work if we just tried harder (I guess it's easy to get complacent when you move in together for the first time) but she said that we want different things in our lives. She wants assurance of a marriage and kids, and those are things that I simply cannot guarantee. At 24, I do not want to have kids. I've barely even started a career and still need a few more certifications before I'm satisfied.

Marriage? Every marriage I know is in the process of or has already fallen apart. I am deathly afraid of marriage not of commitment but because it's an institution that, in my opinion, is a sham. I don't want the pagentry and attention. I'd rather save a whole bunch of money and put a down payment on a house and get in order financially.

Anyway, she believes these differences are too big to overcome.

I empathize. I've been in a similar situation.

Don't pay too much attention to the generalizations being tossed around. My relationship, where she wanted marriage and stability and kids and such, didn't work out because I wasn't ready/didn't want those things. But there are women who aren't sure about kids. Or who don't want a wedding with all the frills. In the time since my significant break-up, I've dated women like that. So long as you're up-front about stuff like that there's not a problem.

Anyways, to you specifically, your girlfriend might be right. Those are big issues. If you're not on the same page regarding them, even when it comes to where you might be eventually, it can be very hard to work around.

Sorry to hear you're going through it though. I know it's not easy.

I know, being 24 I'm coming to grips with this. As Manson alluded to, I think banking $20k to put into a down payment for a house or condo is money far better spent.

Again, a woman who wants to have kids, their perspective is different. My perspective is this: You have to be damn sure you're ok that you are responsible for bringing a life into the world. However, I'm just kind of bleak about it. I mean, yeah, there's a sanctity to it, but at the same time, life is cruel and hard, and that person you're bringing into the world has no say into it (I know it might sound silly) being forced into the world we live in, especially now with humanity on the brink of destroying itself in multiple ways, doesn't sit well with me.

I'd rather adopt, we've got enough needy kids in the world but I think it's no dice for that.

I just don't know. I'm wavering. I love my girlfriend, we have (had?) a good thing going, and I do want to be a part of her life, but I'm not the kind of person that makes promises I can't keep. I can't guarantee that shit won't hit the fan 20 years from now. I can't guarantee I won't be hit by a bus tomorrow. All I can do is do my best and be as authentic and true as possible.

I guess I still have quite a lot of thinking to do before I state my case to her...

Thanks for your input guys, it means a lot to me.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on January 25, 2012, 03:55:03 PM
Pretty apt place to talk about marriage i'd say!  But all kidding aside, being married doesn't automatically mean you have to include all the pageanty normally associated with one.  All it then becomes is just a formality, just sign the papers and go.  So maybe you can both compromise by you agreeing to marriage and she can take a step in your direction by keeping it as simple as possible.  If that's a go, you're off to a great start already.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 25, 2012, 08:35:12 PM
I don't want to take it too far off topic, but who spends $20k on a wedding?

My whole wedding cost less than $2000, including hotel room, hall rental, booze, etc.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on January 25, 2012, 08:57:23 PM
I don't want to take it too far off topic, but who spends $20k on a wedding?

My whole wedding cost less than $2000, including hotel room, hall rental, booze, etc.

We eloped... Got married in Barbados... 1 week at a top-notch all inclusive. - Treated like royalty.... Spent about as much on the whole shootin' match as my little sister did on just THE LIMOS for her wedding. - Her FIRST wedding, that is. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 25, 2012, 09:02:57 PM
I don't want to take it too far off topic, but who spends $20k on a wedding?

My whole wedding cost less than $2000, including hotel room, hall rental, booze, etc.

I don't think it's that uncommon for people these days tbh. People spending beyond their means is the norm.
http://www.weddingbells.ca/results/
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: L K on January 25, 2012, 09:12:15 PM
I don't want to take it too far off topic, but who spends $20k on a wedding?

My whole wedding cost less than $2000, including hotel room, hall rental, booze, etc.

Depends on the family background I guess.  My wedding wasn't cheap mostly because of the bar tab.  But you can get gouged by things like the photographer for insane amounts of money if you go the absolutely "professional" route rather than a cheaper (and IMO equally able) guy with a fancy SLR camera.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on January 25, 2012, 09:24:10 PM
I don't want to take it too far off topic, but who spends $20k on a wedding?

My whole wedding cost less than $2000, including hotel room, hall rental, booze, etc.

20k really isn't all that crazy a number. I know people who have spent twice that. Admittedly, though, those were weddings with several hundred guests and in downtown Toronto.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Corn Flake on January 25, 2012, 09:33:11 PM
I don't want to take it too far off topic, but who spends $20k on a wedding?

My whole wedding cost less than $2000, including hotel room, hall rental, booze, etc.

Depends on the family background I guess.  My wedding wasn't cheap mostly because of the bar tab.  But you can get gouged by things like the photographer for insane amounts of money if you go the absolutely "professional" route rather than a cheaper (and IMO equally able) guy with a fancy SLR camera.

My wife "gouges" people every season with wedding photography. ;)

Seriously... I never get why people cheap out on a photographer.  You know the person entrusted to preserve memories of the biggest day of your life.  People who hire Cousin Jimmy with the fancy SLR usually learn after the day why that was a bad idea.  Almost every single time it backfires.

....buuuuuuut i digress...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 26, 2012, 11:56:34 AM
Sooooo...

My girlfriend and I had a talk over yesterday. I told her I made up my mind and decided to man up and that there's no point stringing her along without commitment, that I do see her in my long term future. I said the cornerstone to get that spark back would be to spend more time together doing more varied things, being open more and playful, and put this behind us and start fresh.

Then she drops a bombshell that she doesn't know if she feels the same anymore, has to think about it etc. She doesn't want to give up on the relationship, however, because of the way she feels right now she doesn't know if it can work.

This is fair I guess. I've never been in a situation like this, and while I think that we can reignite that spark, because you have to change her mood, not her mind, you can't convince someone to be with you, so that's why I think it's not really logical decision to make, but I don't think feels that way. I don't know, maybe it's too fargone.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on January 26, 2012, 12:19:27 PM
Sooooo...

My girlfriend and I had a talk over yesterday. I told her I made up my mind and decided to man up and that there's no point stringing her along without commitment, that I do see her in my long term future. I said the cornerstone to get that spark back would be to spend more time together doing more varied things, being open more and playful, and put this behind us and start fresh.

Then she drops a bombshell that she doesn't know if she feels the same anymore, has to think about it etc. She doesn't want to give up on the relationship, however, because of the way she feels right now she doesn't know if it can work.

This is fair I guess. I've never been in a situation like this, and while I think that we can reignite that spark, because you have to change her mood, not her mind, you can't convince someone to be with you, so that's why I think it's not really logical decision to make, but I don't think feels that way. I don't know, maybe it's too fargone.

I don't like when this situation happens, I've seen it before. My take on these things is that if you don't know now if you love the person you're with, it's not there. My advice is to get out now, before anymore hurt comes your way, because if you have hope that she is going to come back with the answer you want, you're going to be more hurt if it doesn't go that way.

Maybe I'm a cynic, but I've seen this movie before and it's not a happy ending. I would worry that she is either looking for something else, or she's going to leave on her terms, or both, which won't be good for you.

Please don't take this as me simply being against your partner, because I'm not, obviously I don't know anything about her, or you for that matter. I am just giving you another side to consider, because I don't want you to get hurt worse than it's already going to be, if things don't work out.

For the record, I hope things work out for you and your mate, but I believe that if you love somebody, you can get through anything and you should know whether you love them or not. True love conquers all, even issues such as the ones you've outlined are difficult in your original post. I know I'm black and white sounding with this, but it's since served me well.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 26, 2012, 01:27:19 PM
Sooooo...

My girlfriend and I had a talk over yesterday. I told her I made up my mind and decided to man up and that there's no point stringing her along without commitment, that I do see her in my long term future. I said the cornerstone to get that spark back would be to spend more time together doing more varied things, being open more and playful, and put this behind us and start fresh.

Then she drops a bombshell that she doesn't know if she feels the same anymore, has to think about it etc. She doesn't want to give up on the relationship, however, because of the way she feels right now she doesn't know if it can work.

This is fair I guess. I've never been in a situation like this, and while I think that we can reignite that spark, because you have to change her mood, not her mind, you can't convince someone to be with you, so that's why I think it's not really logical decision to make, but I don't think feels that way. I don't know, maybe it's too fargone.

I don't like when this situation happens, I've seen it before. My take on these things is that if you don't know now if you love the person you're with, it's not there. My advice is to get out now, before anymore hurt comes your way, because if you have hope that she is going to come back with the answer you want, you're going to be more hurt if it doesn't go that way.

Maybe I'm a cynic, but I've seen this movie before and it's not a happy ending. I would worry that she is either looking for something else, or she's going to leave on her terms, or both, which won't be good for you.

Please don't take this as me simply being against your partner, because I'm not, obviously I don't know anything about her, or you for that matter. I am just giving you another side to consider, because I don't want you to get hurt worse than it's already going to be, if things don't work out.

For the record, I hope things work out for you and your mate, but I believe that if you love somebody, you can get through anything and you should know whether you love them or not. True love conquers all, even issues such as the ones you've outlined are difficult in your original post. I know I'm black and white sounding with this, but it's since served me well.

I get where you're coming from, and I agree with you: Love should be able to overcome nearly anything. And I know maybe I'll be hurt further by thinking there is hope when there may be none. Maybe that flame is gone. I know she still cares about me and wants the best for me, but to be honest, it was kind of a bombshell for her to say that she might not have feelings for me anymore. And maybe it is what it is, that the flame just kinda went out over time (we did let it slide the last couple of months), but at least my conscience will be clear that I did try at it, and didn't just throw it away, and that my commitment to making things right was clear.

I remember my previous relationship, I broke up with my girlfriend basically because I thought I didn't feel anything for her. In reality I gave up too quickly and realized I still had feelings for her. By that point it was too late, and have always regretted it. I'll be damned if I make the same mistake this time, even if it means I get my heart run over a second time.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on January 26, 2012, 01:41:14 PM
I get where you're coming from, and I agree with you: Love should be able to overcome nearly anything. And I know maybe I'll be hurt further by thinking there is hope when there may be none. Maybe that flame is gone. I know she still cares about me and wants the best for me, but to be honest, it was kind of a bombshell for her to say that she might not have feelings for me anymore. And maybe it is what it is, that the flame just kinda went out over time (we did let it slide the last couple of months), but at least my conscience will be clear that I did try at it, and didn't just throw it away, and that my commitment to making things right was clear.

I remember my previous relationship, I broke up with my girlfriend basically because I thought I didn't feel anything for her. In reality I gave up too quickly and realized I still had feelings for her. By that point it was too late, and have always regretted it. I'll be damned if I make the same mistake this time, even if it means I get my heart run over a second time.

I believe that we learn from every situation in life, good or bad and maybe this is something you and her have to learn together. It's inevitable we all get hurt along the way, but if you learn the right lessons, you both come out stronger I suppose.

It sounds like you already have a grasp on this situation, I was just offering another side of things, because I care a lot about people and hope to lesson the burden if I can. Whatever happens I believe it was meant to be and that there was something to be learned from it. Hopefully, everybody that has responded to you helped reassure you, that you are handling things the best way you can.

Good luck to you
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 26, 2012, 01:46:38 PM
I get where you're coming from, and I agree with you: Love should be able to overcome nearly anything. And I know maybe I'll be hurt further by thinking there is hope when there may be none. Maybe that flame is gone. I know she still cares about me and wants the best for me, but to be honest, it was kind of a bombshell for her to say that she might not have feelings for me anymore. And maybe it is what it is, that the flame just kinda went out over time (we did let it slide the last couple of months), but at least my conscience will be clear that I did try at it, and didn't just throw it away, and that my commitment to making things right was clear.

I remember my previous relationship, I broke up with my girlfriend basically because I thought I didn't feel anything for her. In reality I gave up too quickly and realized I still had feelings for her. By that point it was too late, and have always regretted it. I'll be damned if I make the same mistake this time, even if it means I get my heart run over a second time.

I believe that we learn from every situation in life, good or bad and maybe this is something you and her have to learn together. It's inevitable we all get hurt along the way, but if you learn the right lessons, you both come out stronger I suppose.

It sounds like you already have a grasp on this situation, I was just offering another side of things, because I care a lot about people and hope to lesson the burden if I can. Whatever happens I believe it was meant to be and that there was something to be learned from it. Hopefully, everybody that has responded to you helped reassure you, that you are handling things the best way you can.

Good luck to you

Oh yeah, this helps a lot. I can't rely on family or friends, they all have a skewed view on relationships or will look at it with a certain slant in mind. Some friends are all about playing the game, some are 100% about the relationship and usually apply it to me, and I always feel like their advice doesn't help.

I'm very grateful for the advice I've been given here, especially in my time of need. It's something that I couldn't just not talk about with others, and want to thank everyone who's been helping me through this so far.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on January 26, 2012, 04:03:37 PM
Sooooo...

My girlfriend and I had a talk over yesterday. I told her I made up my mind and decided to man up and that there's no point stringing her along without commitment, that I do see her in my long term future. I said the cornerstone to get that spark back would be to spend more time together doing more varied things, being open more and playful, and put this behind us and start fresh.

Then she drops a bombshell that she doesn't know if she feels the same anymore, has to think about it etc. She doesn't want to give up on the relationship, however, because of the way she feels right now she doesn't know if it can work.

This is fair I guess. I've never been in a situation like this, and while I think that we can reignite that spark, because you have to change her mood, not her mind, you can't convince someone to be with you, so that's why I think it's not really logical decision to make, but I don't think feels that way. I don't know, maybe it's too fargone.

I don't like when this situation happens, I've seen it before. My take on these things is that if you don't know now if you love the person you're with, it's not there. My advice is to get out now, before anymore hurt comes your way, because if you have hope that she is going to come back with the answer you want, you're going to be more hurt if it doesn't go that way.

Maybe I'm a cynic, but I've seen this movie before and it's not a happy ending. I would worry that she is either looking for something else, or she's going to leave on her terms, or both, which won't be good for you.

Please don't take this as me simply being against your partner, because I'm not, obviously I don't know anything about her, or you for that matter. I am just giving you another side to consider, because I don't want you to get hurt worse than it's already going to be, if things don't work out.

For the record, I hope things work out for you and your mate, but I believe that if you love somebody, you can get through anything and you should know whether you love them or not. True love conquers all, even issues such as the ones you've outlined are difficult in your original post. I know I'm black and white sounding with this, but it's since served me well.

That is really great advice.  If the fundamentals aren't there, marriage isn't going to magically make it better...it just leads to a slow burn to resentment.  But if you guys have something really good going on, then don't sweat the small stuff - those things will seem inconsequential over time.
Best marriage advice an uncle gave me: "Always deny everything!"
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on January 29, 2012, 01:01:27 AM
My mixed feelings are that my family doc and psychiatrist suggest I may never be healthy enough to work again...

I'm not really qualified to speak against your doctors, but I find that a ridiculous statement. Don't take this the wrong way, but your physical health is really not good. Obviously, you know that by way of your excellent blog (150reasons.com -- go read it everybody!) So until your physical health is improved, you one convince me one bit that your mental health is uncurable.

They go hand-in-hand!

You may have to always take medication and you may not be able to have a full-time job, but I can almost guarantee that your mental health will improve with your physical health. Everybody I know (not many, admittedly) that has made major changes to their nutrition and exercise has admitted to feeling happier and more fulfilled.

It's clear that your wife supports you and your children love you; there's a reason for that.

Keep up the good work!

Well, Rick's dealing with more than depression though. Being physically fit doesn't do a thing for anxiety. I had my first panic attack when I was 11 and was involved in every sport you can think of. The most fit that I ever was in my life after that was in my early 20's and that's the only time that I was agoraphobic.

Shayne Corson first had panic attacks while playing with the Leafs and he was in great shape. Better than the average person, for sure.

I'm not disagreeing with what you're saying totally. We're not talking about the Leafs here, damn it.  >:(

There's no doubt that getting in shape helps with depression and I totally agree with what you said about Rick's doctors saying that he may never work again.

Rick, if you're reading this.............if a doctor or therapist that you're seeing tells you that you might not be able to work again then switch to someone else.

This year is 30 years since I had my first panic attack and a therapist once told me the same thing a long time ago. I've had businesses and worked for others since.

If a therapist or doctor can't give you hope, what the hell good are they? They can sometimes be more of a problem than the problem itself.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on January 29, 2012, 02:43:42 AM
Wow that's a great blog, Rick.  I hope your progress with your weight loss is something you can focus and latch onto.  Keep it up, ima keep checking now that i know u have that blog.  Isn't it dangerous to drink all thAt water? Would your salt/ electrolyte? levels go too low?  I guess a baconator will fix that!  Man I wish they would bring back the spicy baconator, even petitioned their cdn headoffice. Ugh 3am no sleep again and now I'm jonsing for a burger.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: moon111 on January 29, 2012, 10:55:19 AM
I recently followed Theo Fleury via Twitter.  One of his followers had a picture I couldn't figure out what it was.  That plus the bizarre nick and comments raised my curiosity enough to check out her profile.  The picture were cuts.  Other pictures included other self-inflicted cutting and bruises.  I felt obligated to try and give some positive words of encouragement.  She had been abused...since the age of 5.  Many times the positive comments given by me and others were met with bitter, hateful replies.  Most just gave up.  A few guys were feeding her insulting, derogatory comments.  Found out there was a suicide pact involved.  It's pretty hard to have a real conversation via Twitter.  Much I don't know.  And honestly I don't know if this is even a real person, but when I saw the last profile picture of a simple note stating, "I'm Sorry" my heart sank.  The account shortly after was closed.

I don't judge, but hopefully my view point was taken into consideration.  Sometimes we're in a dark place in our lives.  But like the last comment in one of my favorite songs, "It's Amazing", by Aerosmith, "The light at the end of the tunnel may be you."  http://youtu.be/zSmOvYzSeaQ (http://youtu.be/zSmOvYzSeaQ)

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 29, 2012, 01:56:54 PM
I don't really trust the healthcare in general to be honest. I mean there are so many things related to depression that are just plain weird. They act as if all depressions are related to chemical imbalances, which they never prove. Then they take risks by giving people medication without having proof. They're just toying around too much imo. And it's already a fact that all depressions don't depend on these chemicals.

I think that in general depressions are the body's way of saying no. And as long as your mind don't adjust to what the body wants, it will keep on shutting down. I think that in general it's a matter of identity. So many people have things wrong imo, I do to, but im too stupid to change. I care too much about what other people think and status etc. I hate to admit it, but I do. I want a qualified nice job, with nice pay. But is that really the most important thing for me? No. It's important for me to show others that im not a complete screwup. Which is the problem :D I let my life be guided by what I think that other people will think of me. I think this is just as common as it is sad. Right now I keep on trying to manipulate myself that the type of work im looking for is right for me. Although deep down inside, I know that it isn't. And I keep on taking jobs that I don't really want at all. Because they reduce me as a human being, I'm just like a part of a computer or something.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on January 29, 2012, 05:30:50 PM
And I keep on taking jobs that I don't really want at all. Because they reduce me as a human being, I'm just like a part of a computer or something.

I dunno if this is any consolation, but most people are probably bummed out by their jobs.  I think it's just a matter of how you look at it.  Yes you might be an insignificant cog and feel your talents are wasted, but just view it as a means to achieve your other goals.  Your job doesn't have to define your life or who you are as a person.  Meaningful work is not always easy to come across, especially in this day and age where we all have to specialize in something or another and becuase of efficiency and volume, they dictate that jobs and skills required are defined rather narrowly.  And plenty of times what was once an exciting position over time turns monotonous anyways.  Some of the happiest times in my early working life were those which you'd probably define as crappy, low paying, menial, soul sucking jobs.  Sometimes you just need to be thankful for what you do have and move on with life.  I get into tons of cabs where the drivers had 'respectable' jobs back home.  Alot of them aren't bitter about it, they're quite thankful that their family is in a better place, and i really respect them for that.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: moon111 on January 29, 2012, 06:07:41 PM
We trade our jobs and natural resources away for cheap merchandise.  North American workers are becoming an insignificant cog in a machine to make the rich richer.  The quality of our lives is going to go down, never mind incomes.  CAT, makers of heavy equipment, told workers to cut their wages in half because they can.  It's too bad we can't focus government on making people happy rather then make the rich richer.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 29, 2012, 08:45:43 PM
...
I think that in general depressions are the body's way of saying no. And as long as your mind don't adjust to what the body wants, it will keep on shutting down. I think that in general it's a matter of identity. So many people have things wrong imo, I do to, but im too stupid to change. I care too much about what other people think and status etc. I hate to admit it, but I do. ...

I agree very much with your first statement. Depression and many other illnesses are our body's way of saying no. Some of us know what it's saying no too, some of us don't because it's so repressed and hidden.

I don't think you're too stupid; your own comments show your awareness. I think you lack courage. I don't mean that in a mean way; I'm very much the same. I could have so much more in life, including happiness and health, but I lack the courage too. For the most part, i'm fortunate that I know why. I just haven't learned yet how to get the courage to make the changes and take the risks that I need.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 30, 2012, 12:24:23 AM
And I keep on taking jobs that I don't really want at all. Because they reduce me as a human being, I'm just like a part of a computer or something.

I dunno if this is any consolation, but most people are probably bummed out by their jobs.  I think it's just a matter of how you look at it.  Yes you might be an insignificant cog and feel your talents are wasted, but just view it as a means to achieve your other goals.  Your job doesn't have to define your life or who you are as a person.  Meaningful work is not always easy to come across, especially in this day and age where we all have to specialize in something or another and becuase of efficiency and volume, they dictate that jobs and skills required are defined rather narrowly.  And plenty of times what was once an exciting position over time turns monotonous anyways.  Some of the happiest times in my early working life were those which you'd probably define as crappy, low paying, menial, soul sucking jobs.  Sometimes you just need to be thankful for what you do have and move on with life.  I get into tons of cabs where the drivers had 'respectable' jobs back home.  Alot of them aren't bitter about it, they're quite thankful that their family is in a better place, and i really respect them for that.

Yeah, I mean I have a friend from work who's family is well to do in Saudi Arabia. They could live like millionaires, they had servants and everything. Their house was free and there was no taxes, but the family gave it up to come to Canada. His job prospects are decent, but not AMAZING, but he would still rather make a whole lot less and live in this kind of lifestyle than back in Saudi Arabia.


Stebro, I'm slightly unsure of your predicament. Are there just no jobs out there that you like? What do you want and what are some strategies you can do to help achieve it? I'd much rather try and fail than not try and wonder what if.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Corn Flake on January 30, 2012, 02:16:02 PM
Some ideas for those doing a job they hate and want out ..... sorry for blabbering on end.. hopefully it helps someone out a bit...

1.5 years ago I started out on a plan to get myself out of a day job I couldn't stand, and do the things I really really wanted to do with my life. My day job made me miserable. I hated it and felt sick to my stomach the thought of having to do it for another 25-30 years before I could retire.  I wanted to get into real estate investing as something I could do to make money and "be my own boss".  The hope would be that it generated enough money that I could pursue a few other things I've wanted to do for a long time.

What I quickly realized, as most do, that it was going to be impossible to jump from the current job to my "dream job" in one step, without telling my family we were going to sell everything and live in a one-bedroom shack in the worst part of town for a few years. ;) Its easy to give up right there, and for years I did, but what I finally sorted out was the steps I had to take between where I was now and where I wanted to be.

So two summers ago I quit full time and went to contract work, which in my industry pays a lot more as long as you can keep steady work going.  So far so good.  The keys were to 1: stay employed and 2: make as much money as possible doing what I hated to do (but do it well enough to get some pretty solid contracts) and save as much as possible to get to the next steps.  After that, long story short we bought and completed our first flip house this year and its on the market now. If all goes well I will continue to do this until I can drop the contract jobs and focus on real estate, and eventually get some of those hobbies going again.

I think whether or not you have the advantage of doing what I did (going contract) you need to figure out the steps in between where you are now and where you want to be, and recognize they take some risk, time and sacrifice to get there.  I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way.  Happier than ever about it too.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on January 30, 2012, 08:13:15 PM
...One of his followers had a picture I couldn't figure out what it was.  That plus the bizarre nick and comments raised my curiosity enough to check out her profile.  The picture were cuts.  Other pictures included other self-inflicted cutting and bruises.

(http://www.tmlfans.ca/ARM.jpg)

That's a 5" cut on my left arm, on a night this past summer when I felt overwhelmingly like I wanted to kill myself.  Instead, to fight it I cut myself - that pain lessened the suicidal thoughts.  Oh, I have 4 other smaller cuts from other times, as well...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on January 30, 2012, 08:25:30 PM
Oh, dude, man...

I've only known one other person who has done this and she's fine now but it's still kind of shocking.

If it means anything, I'm very happy you're here with us now.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on January 30, 2012, 08:43:24 PM
Oh, dude, man...

I've only known one other person who has done this and she's fine now but it's still kind of shocking.

If it means anything, I'm very happy you're here with us now.

Yup, there's some pretty compelling reasons why I spent over 60 days in hospital since May - I think it was 5 different times I was admitted.

During one stay, they talked me into doing electric shock therapy (ECT it's called) on my poor old grey matter.  After 5 sessions, it wasn't working...

Depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia suck bigtime.  I'm a walking zombie on the amount of medications I take daily...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: lc9 on January 31, 2012, 08:18:59 AM
Rick, sorry if you answered these questions, but I haven't had time to read through the whole thread.  Have they prescribed a medicine for you that targets the glutamate neurotransmitters?  Most AD drugs primarily target dopamine or serotonin transmitters.  This isn't a common practice, which is why I am curious.  A drug like scopolamine, which is used for motion sickness, has shown to be effective in reducing depression in short period of time.  Also there is a growing field of study that suggests Ketamine, known as the street drug special K, has instant effects on severe depression.  They have tested this on severe cases, with many reports of the "fog" being gone in hours.

These treatments are uncommon because it hasn't been studied that well yet.  But early research indicates that the glutamate receptors, when acted upon, engage the body much more rapidly then other neurotransmitters.  Think of it if you had a leaky faucet.  Taking SSRIs or dopamine supplements would be like shutting off the water at the water plant...it is going to take a little while for the water to stop (or for the drug to work), where as the glutamate area of the brain would be like fixing the faucet head on the sink and stopping the leak immediately. 

I hope this helps anyone out there suffering from depression or anxiety, it is a witch to deal with.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on January 31, 2012, 08:50:34 AM
Have they prescribed a medicine for you that targets the glutamate neurotransmitters? 

No, I don't believe they have.  I have a meeting today with my mental health social worker and I'll see what he thinks.

For those that don't know me - I think everyone on this site that has met me would I agree that I'm just a normal, university educated, married father who had a good career and ran this site on the side for Leafs fans to hang out.  I'm not some maniacal axe-murder.  I've been hit very, very hard by this long episode of mental health - enough to disable me for at least the time being...  But I'm still the same old me otherwise...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: lc9 on January 31, 2012, 09:56:48 AM
Have they prescribed a medicine for you that targets the glutamate neurotransmitters? 

No, I don't believe they have.  I have a meeting today with my mental health social worker and I'll see what he thinks.

For those that don't know me - I think everyone on this site that has met me would I agree that I'm just a normal, university educated, married father who had a good career and ran this site on the side for Leafs fans to hang out.  I'm not some maniacal axe-murder.  I've been hit very, very hard by this long episode of mental health - enough to disable me for at least the time being...  But I'm still the same old me otherwise...

I know how these situations effect people Rick.  I work in the health field, and the drugs I listed above are kind of the new rave.  All research I have done or seen is USA based though, so I don't know if they use it in Canada.  But definitely ask about these drugs, especially the ketamine.  I have seen patients with severe forms of depression, who by that afternoon, or the next morning, get the feeling back...that feeling of being motivated and wanting to do things.

He is one article on it:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2094250/Ketamine-Club-drug-offer-instant-remedy-severe-depression.html
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 31, 2012, 11:30:48 AM
Oh, dude, man...

I've only known one other person who has done this and she's fine now but it's still kind of shocking.

If it means anything, I'm very happy you're here with us now.

Yup, there's some pretty compelling reasons why I spent over 60 days in hospital since May - I think it was 5 different times I was admitted.

During one stay, they talked me into doing electric shock therapy (ECT it's called) on my poor old grey matter.  After 5 sessions, it wasn't working...

Depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia suck bigtime.  I'm a walking zombie on the amount of medications I take daily...

They still use ECT??? I thought that barbaric practice was discredited!!!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on January 31, 2012, 12:02:25 PM
Have they prescribed a medicine for you that targets the glutamate neurotransmitters? 

No, I don't believe they have.  I have a meeting today with my mental health social worker and I'll see what he thinks.

For those that don't know me - I think everyone on this site that has met me would I agree that I'm just a normal, university educated, married father who had a good career and ran this site on the side for Leafs fans to hang out.  I'm not some maniacal axe-murder.  I've been hit very, very hard by this long episode of mental health - enough to disable me for at least the time being...  But I'm still the same old me otherwise...

I know how these situations effect people Rick.  I work in the health field, and the drugs I listed above are kind of the new rave.  All research I have done or seen is USA based though, so I don't know if they use it in Canada.  But definitely ask about these drugs, especially the ketamine.  I have seen patients with severe forms of depression, who by that afternoon, or the next morning, get the feeling back...that feeling of being motivated and wanting to do things.

He is one article on it:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2094250/Ketamine-Club-drug-offer-instant-remedy-severe-depression.html

Don't forget to get glow sticks too!  just kidding.  But with K, used by ravers along with ecstacy, are there coming down effects that can take you back to your initial state or even worse?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: lc9 on January 31, 2012, 12:36:33 PM
Don't forget to get glow sticks too!  just kidding.  But with K, used by ravers along with ecstacy, are there coming down effects that can take you back to your initial state or even worse?

That is the thing, there hasn't been any longitudinal studies completed yet, some are in the works.  But it is definitely make news in the depression world.  You never know what will fix ya until to accidentally discover what works.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 31, 2012, 12:49:32 PM
Anyone know of anymore research regarding depression. I've heard several ideas before, like lack of certain amino acids, inflammations, lack of vitamin d, lack of certain minerals, usually magnesium.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on January 31, 2012, 12:50:48 PM
Don't forget to get glow sticks too!  just kidding.  But with K, used by ravers along with ecstacy, are there coming down effects that can take you back to your initial state or even worse?

That is the thing, there hasn't been any longitudinal studies completed yet, some are in the works.  But it is definitely make news in the depression world.  You never know what will fix ya until to accidentally discover what works.

I also read that some renegage practitioners (psychologists/psychiatrists) used ecstasy as part of their program and that it yielded positive results.  From my experiences back in the day, I didn't experience any negative state afterwards, just an occasional slurring of speech that lasted a few months.  But that's insignificant if the results are positive.  If it doesn't help at least you'll have what might be the most pleasant 6 hours of your life ever!  Never tried ketamine though.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: lc9 on January 31, 2012, 01:58:43 PM
I also read that some renegage practitioners (psychologists/psychiatrists) used ecstasy as part of their program and that it yielded positive results.  From my experiences back in the day, I didn't experience any negative state afterwards, just an occasional slurring of speech that lasted a few months.  But that's insignificant if the results are positive.  If it doesn't help at least you'll have what might be the most pleasant 6 hours of your life ever!  Never tried ketamine though.

haha, yes, there have been reports of Docs doing things that, even in severe cases, shouldn't be done.

But there are scores of researhcers popping up in the U.S., especially in the Texas area who are using Ketamine for suicidal depression patients, and like I said, results are encouraging.   It is geared towards treatment-resistant patients, which is why I asked Rick if they had tried these types of drugs.  I mean, this is the new course of action in the fight against depression; treating depression in the immediate.

Here is another good read, it is a little more scientific.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/science-news/2006/experimental-medication-kicks-depression-in-hours-instead-of-weeks.shtml
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: lc9 on January 31, 2012, 02:04:34 PM
Anyone know of anymore research regarding depression. I've heard several ideas before, like lack of certain amino acids, inflammations, lack of vitamin d, lack of certain minerals, usually magnesium.

There is tons of research with seemingly countless theories and ideas.  Magnessium and Vitamin D treatments (which can be OTC), would be geared for someone who experiences very mild depression, or episodic depression (like people who get sad in the winter), but there is no correlation to suggest these treatments reduce or effect depression long term.  Depression and anxiety are a combination of the physical and mental, and it is very real.  Research is pretty solid on which neurotransmitters effects depression the most.   Which is why new drugs are starting to pop up, because it is only recently that researchers found that the glutamate receptors react in a much different manner than other receptors.  The response to a drug, like Ketamine, is quick. 

Once we start unlocking the brain, treatments in the future will have much more immediate impacts.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 31, 2012, 02:31:44 PM
Anyone know of anymore research regarding depression. I've heard several ideas before, like lack of certain amino acids, inflammations, lack of vitamin d, lack of certain minerals, usually magnesium.

There is tons of research with seemingly countless theories and ideas.  Magnessium and Vitamin D treatments (which can be OTC), would be geared for someone who experiences very mild depression, or episodic depression (like people who get sad in the winter), but there is no correlation to suggest these treatments reduce or effect depression long term.  Depression and anxiety are a combination of the physical and mental, and it is very real.  Research is pretty solid on which neurotransmitters effects depression the most.   Which is why new drugs are starting to pop up, because it is only recently that researchers found that the glutamate receptors react in a much different manner than other receptors.  The response to a drug, like Ketamine, is quick. 

Once we start unlocking the brain, treatments in the future will have much more immediate impacts.
What makes no sense to me is that it seems as if a lot think that all depressions are related to serotonin for example, and I don't buy that. Because my experience is that some get better from taking antidepressants that deal with that, some don't get better at all, some get worse. So the only conclusion I can draw is that their depressions depend on different reasons. And I think it's weird that the healthcare is just basically taking a shot in the dark and hoping for the best. I mean it would be one thing if you measured the level of serotonin etc before treatment. Btw is glutamate related to that amino acid? Or is it the same thing?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: lc9 on January 31, 2012, 02:50:03 PM
What makes no sense to me is that it seems as if a lot think that all depressions are related to serotonin for example, and I don't buy that. Because my experience is that some get better from taking antidepressants that deal with that, some don't get better at all, some get worse. So the only conclusion I can draw is that their depressions depend on different reasons. And I think it's weird that the healthcare is just basically taking a shot in the dark and hoping for the best. I mean it would be one thing if you measured the level of serotonin etc before treatment. Btw is glutamate related to that amino acid? Or is it the same thing?

Your logic is pretty accurate.  I try to explain to people like this.  Imagine your knee hurts, and you go to the doctor, will that doctor immediately know what is wrong?  No.  Are there different causes of knee pain?  Yes.  Now this is a simplified example, but depression is the same, some people react better to dopamine drugs, others SSRIs (serotonin) and others to stuff like ketamine.

And yes, glutamate is an amino acid, it is one of 20 in the body that is used to assemble proteins, so it is found throughout the body, including the brain, where it is a neurotransmitter.

Furthermore, glutamate receptors are implicated in the pathologies of a number of neurodegenerative diseases like Parkinson's and Alzheimer's.   So it is a very important receptor and neurotransmitter in the brain and body. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 31, 2012, 03:04:37 PM
And for many people, depression has a cause not linked to chemistry. While their bio-chemistry might be out of whack, it could simply be symptom of life-long repression of emotions or memories.

I might have posted this already, but when I saw my doctor about a month ago, all he asked was whether I thought I was bad enough to warrant medication. Uh, what? Isn't that for the doctor to decide? How about suggesting I speak to a psychologist or even asking what I think might be a cause?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: lc9 on January 31, 2012, 03:16:28 PM
And for many people, depression has a cause not linked to chemistry. While their bio-chemistry might be out of whack, it could simply be symptom of life-long repression of emotions or memories.

This is exactly right.  Some people are void of imbalances that would suggest depression, yet it still exists.  That is why it is hard to treat.

I might have posted this already, but when I saw my doctor about a month ago, all he asked was whether I thought I was bad enough to warrant medication. Uh, what? Isn't that for the doctor to decide? How about suggesting I speak to a psychologist or even asking what I think might be a cause?

And this is the reason it is hard to find the root cause.  Depression and anxiety are complex diseases that originate in many forms at any age in life.  It is a process to alleviate symptoms.

Even if someone were to use the ketamine, this won't slove their problem for life, other things need to be addressed in an ongoing manner.  The goal, like any progressive and languishing disease, is to keep the disease in remission through progressive treatment.   
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rob on January 31, 2012, 03:53:17 PM
I'm not a medical doctor, nor do I wanna be. 

Some types of depression result from suppressed anger.   
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: moon111 on January 31, 2012, 11:59:17 PM
I'm not a medical doctor, nor do I wanna be. 

Some types of depression result from suppressed anger.
So flush that Prozac down the toilet and punch a Habs fan today!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on February 01, 2012, 12:08:50 AM
They still use ECT??? I thought that barbaric practice was discredited!!!

What part of it is barbaric?  I must have missed something in the 5 sessions that I had?!?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Zid on February 01, 2012, 08:47:22 AM
They still use ECT??? I thought that barbaric practice was discredited!!!

What part of it is barbaric?  I must have missed something in the 5 sessions that I had?!?

Someone watched too many bad Holywood movies. Few shows on Discovery I saw on ECT showed how effective it can be for some people.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on February 01, 2012, 09:23:47 AM
I'm not a medical doctor, nor do I wanna be. 

Some types of depression result from suppressed anger.
So flush that Prozac down the toilet and punch a Habs fan today!

While I know you're just joking, inappropriate expression of anger comes in two forms: suppression and rage. They're both equally damaging to the person feeling the anger.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on February 01, 2012, 05:38:53 PM
They still use ECT??? I thought that barbaric practice was discredited!!!

What part of it is barbaric?  I must have missed something in the 5 sessions that I had?!?

Someone watched too many bad Holywood movies. Few shows on Discovery I saw on ECT showed how effective it can be for some people.

I actually haven't seen any movies for ECT. I just am of the view that shocking the brain is probably not a good idea. Studies move back and forth for the practice, but I'm skeptical of its usefulness.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: riff raff on February 01, 2012, 10:57:34 PM
They still use ECT??? I thought that barbaric practice was discredited!!!

What part of it is barbaric?  I must have missed something in the 5 sessions that I had?!?

Someone watched too many bad Holywood movies. Few shows on Discovery I saw on ECT showed how effective it can be for some people.

I actually haven't seen any movies for ECT. I just am of the view that shocking the brain is probably not a good idea. Studies move back and forth for the practice, but I'm skeptical of its usefulness.

Carrie Fisher is a big proponent of it...if that means anything to anyone. ;)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on February 02, 2012, 10:06:27 AM
I don't know what to think anymore. The jobs I want exist out there, and I get to interviews. But a lot of time during the interviews, I get negative thoughts about my health. And thinking about the expectations they have, and thinking about whether I can do it or not. Sometimes I just don't know whether I feel bad because of the fact that I don't have the jobs I want, and sometimes I think that it doesn't matter what job I'll have, I'll still feel bad. And I keep on coming back to the same question. "Will I ever become healthy again?". Then I look back at the time, and I've had depression for like 10 years, and I come up with the answer "Getting healthy? yeah, that sure seems likely". And I can't keep on living like this, and I can't quit either. And I don't have any answers.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on February 02, 2012, 01:35:56 PM
Sounds to me like you've got a bit of a fear of success and failure. A fear of success often comes with fears that people will expect more out of you that you can provide. A fear of failure prevents us from taking risks and trying new experiences. But often end up with the same result: self-sabotage -- whether intention or unconsciously.

Fear of failure is what's prevented me from truly succeeding and really enjoying life. I wish I had the answers for you, but I'm still figuring it out myself.

Is there anything that happened in your childhood that might be affecting how you feel and act now? After some soul-searching, I think I'm starting to really understand how my past has affected my life.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bleeding Blue & White on February 02, 2012, 03:55:04 PM
At least you are getting to the interviews, I am in a catch 22 when it comes to job hunting.  Because I have never had a formal job I don't have anything of real substance on my resume so when I try to get a job I get completely shut down.  On a serious note anyone have advice on how to break the cycle of job hunting?  I'm starting to think I might have to volunteer somewhere. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: The Red Polar Bear on February 02, 2012, 04:16:46 PM
At least you are getting to the interviews, I am in a catch 22 when it comes to job hunting.  Because I have never had a formal job I don't have anything of real substance on my resume so when I try to get a job I get completely shut down.  On a serious note anyone have advice on how to break the cycle of job hunting?  I'm starting to think I might have to volunteer somewhere.

I've been looking for quite a while myself, so while this may be the blind leading the blind, but that's probably a good idea. Either volunteer, get more training (either formal or informal) or get a part time, temporary, unrelated job. Improving your skill set, whether it's through knowledge or experience, will be helpful in the long run no matter what happens.

The biggest thing right now though is your connections - in good times, people get hired through legitimate means; now, it's all about who you know within the company. In my close circle of university friends, 6 got jobs through others (relatives, professors, whomever), 3 are still looking (myself included) and one got it through a regular application process. Talk to people who you know that are employed in your field and outright ask if they know of any internal postings within their company that you can apply to, or even if they can take your resume and forward it to whoever is relevant.

You obviously know that it's pretty difficult out there. On one hand, it sucks that so many people are looking for work. On the other, there is some comfort in knowing that there are a lot of people in the same situation as you are, so you're not alone in your efforts. That can be seen as good or bad, but I choose to look at it in a "don't be discouraged" sort of way.



(Anyone need an entry-level chemical engineer? :P)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: moon111 on February 02, 2012, 06:09:37 PM
I'm not a medical doctor, nor do I wanna be. 

Some types of depression result from suppressed anger.
So flush that Prozac down the toilet and punch a Habs fan today!

While I know you're just joking, inappropriate expression of anger comes in two forms: suppression and rage. They're both equally damaging to the person feeling the anger.
Of course I'm joking... or maybe not. :)
Anger comes from lack of control.  If you can accept the things you can't control, it'll greatly reduce one's anger.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on February 02, 2012, 07:19:29 PM
At least you are getting to the interviews, I am in a catch 22 when it comes to job hunting.  Because I have never had a formal job I don't have anything of real substance on my resume so when I try to get a job I get completely shut down.  On a serious note anyone have advice on how to break the cycle of job hunting?  I'm starting to think I might have to volunteer somewhere.

Strategies that worked for me:

1) Start somewhere and pile on the responsibilities early. It doesn't matter, to be honest. I gained responsibility as a keyholder and lead salesperson at my retail store. Having targets and clear goals that you reached that the manager can corroborate is KEY. My girlfriend also started retail and became management. She has since moved on to a large company making decent money for being out of school for less than 2 years.

2) Apply to internships, not necessarily voluntary. There are a lot of options out there. http://www.careeredge.ca was extremely useful. The school job postings sucked major.

3) Start off with a large company: Banks are pretty much recession proof. Try RBC, TD, BMO etc and their insurance counterparts and stick it out for a year or two. The level of prestige you get even working an entry level position at a company everybody recognizes is invaluable.


I can send you some other links as well, as I'm a pretty recent grad. I'm probably only 3 years ahead of you.

My strategy is work where I am currently and use any downtime to work towards a certification in order to catapult myself into another pay grade.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bleeding Blue & White on February 03, 2012, 09:36:51 AM
At least you are getting to the interviews, I am in a catch 22 when it comes to job hunting.  Because I have never had a formal job I don't have anything of real substance on my resume so when I try to get a job I get completely shut down.  On a serious note anyone have advice on how to break the cycle of job hunting?  I'm starting to think I might have to volunteer somewhere.

Strategies that worked for me:

1) Start somewhere and pile on the responsibilities early. It doesn't matter, to be honest. I gained responsibility as a keyholder and lead salesperson at my retail store. Having targets and clear goals that you reached that the manager can corroborate is KEY. My girlfriend also started retail and became management. She has since moved on to a large company making decent money for being out of school for less than 2 years.

2) Apply to internships, not necessarily voluntary. There are a lot of options out there. http://www.careeredge.ca was extremely useful. The school job postings sucked major.

3) Start off with a large company: Banks are pretty much recession proof. Try RBC, TD, BMO etc and their insurance counterparts and stick it out for a year or two. The level of prestige you get even working an entry level position at a company everybody recognizes is invaluable.


I can send you some other links as well, as I'm a pretty recent grad. I'm probably only 3 years ahead of you.

My strategy is work where I am currently and use any downtime to work towards a certification in order to catapult myself into another pay grade.

cool, I will try that site.  Yeah the career page at my school hasn't really helped me at all. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bates on February 03, 2012, 09:45:16 AM
Have you considered a temp agency?  They are now in all walks of work and can give you a short placement in various kinds of companies so you and the company get a chance to check each other out.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on February 03, 2012, 02:26:38 PM
At least you are getting to the interviews, I am in a catch 22 when it comes to job hunting.  Because I have never had a formal job I don't have anything of real substance on my resume so when I try to get a job I get completely shut down.  On a serious note anyone have advice on how to break the cycle of job hunting?  I'm starting to think I might have to volunteer somewhere.
My advice is to spend a lot of time on every application you send out, really think about why you are interested, because they can tell the difference between a standard application and a special one. And another important thing that a lot of people don't do, is APPLY for the job as soon as it gets out, it improves your chances of coming to an interview.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on February 03, 2012, 05:24:22 PM
Have you considered a temp agency?  They are now in all walks of work and can give you a short placement in various kinds of companies so you and the company get a chance to check each other out.

I tried looking for work through Randstad and Altis. Both were major busts unless you're looking to work for $11/hr.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Peter D. on February 09, 2012, 01:00:41 PM
I didn't catch the CTV special yesterday on depression (Landsberg, Hughes, Richer, Strawberry), but watching/listening to Richer on 'Off The Record' a few times now regarding the topic, I've grown a great appreciation for him.

With all that went on this past summer with the hockey deaths and what surrounded them, I'm glad to see this issue being brought to the forefront.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: CarltonTheBear on February 09, 2012, 01:05:54 PM
You can watch that Landsberg piece on depression here:

http://watch.tsn.ca/featured/clip615660#clip615660
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on February 09, 2012, 01:20:12 PM
Have you considered a temp agency?  They are now in all walks of work and can give you a short placement in various kinds of companies so you and the company get a chance to check each other out.

If you have a resource like co-op from school, use that it's very good opportunity to showcase yourself for future consideration.

If it's through a contact, be wary of taking on a job that might be beyond your abilities.  It might be nice at first but i've seen many instances where a gift wrapped job ended up with the person let go and puts both the hiring manager and the referrer in awkward positions.  Sometimes it's better to start lower and build your reputation as you rise through the ranks.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on February 11, 2012, 01:44:24 PM
Slit my wrist last night in the height of some pretty nasty anxiety/depression. Sherry came upstairs and caught me before I cut down to the artery. She cleaned up all the blood and took me to emerg. Emerg did not have 1 single bed anywhere, they were swamped. They admitted me on paper, then let me come home with the promise that I go back at 8am today...

Went back to hospital first thing this morning. Registered, then sat in the busy waiting room for 3 hours. Had to get up and leave TWICE due to panic attacks. Being agoraphobic in a busy waiting room is pretty lousy and cruel punishment. I eventually got up and left. I'll just hope for the rest on my own with Sherry hanging with me... I'll down a few extra ativan and clonazepam to try to keep calm...

I'll just do my best not to be alone for the next few days...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on February 11, 2012, 02:47:40 PM
Man, that's awful... Hang in there bud, okay?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on February 13, 2012, 12:40:04 PM
Christ man, don't give in...it's a super bleak phase, but you know it's just that, a phase, it'll pass, just wait it out.  As bad as it is, there are people around you that'll be devastated, you don't want to do anything to hurt them right? 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on February 13, 2012, 02:26:14 PM
Christ man, don't give in...it's a super bleak phase, but you know it's just that, a phase, it'll pass, just wait it out.  As bad as it is, there are people around you that'll be devastated, you don't want to do anything to hurt them right?

Thanks.  Feeling a bit more positive today.  Sitting in a coffee pub surfing the net and writing another vlog.  This battle is day-to-day and changes by the friggin hour.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: The Red Polar Bear on February 13, 2012, 02:48:08 PM
Christ man, don't give in...it's a super bleak phase, but you know it's just that, a phase, it'll pass, just wait it out.  As bad as it is, there are people around you that'll be devastated, you don't want to do anything to hurt them right?

Thanks.  Feeling a bit more positive today.  Sitting in a coffee pub surfing the net and writing another vlog.  This battle is day-to-day and changes by the friggin hour.

A *coffee pub* you say? Do go on...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on February 14, 2012, 11:32:21 AM
Why don't I like or love myself???
http://youtu.be/K9_z_03yYsM
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on February 15, 2012, 01:47:32 PM
My vlog topic of Side Effects of being on depression medication:
http://youtu.be/KxVdfdqLz6c
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on February 22, 2012, 05:15:14 AM
Been looking a lot for songs about depression or that reminds me of depression. The best one I've heard so far is Unwell by Matchbox 20. Springsteen also has a song that you can listen to on youtube called "This depression". I'm not sure what else there is out there.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BMan on February 22, 2012, 06:02:54 AM
Been looking a lot for songs about depression or that reminds me of depression. The best one I've heard so far is Unwell by Matchbox 20. Springsteen also has a song that you can listen to on youtube called "This depression". I'm not sure what else there is out there.


Not sure if it's about depression, but I have heard quite a few people who claim it helped them during their tough younger years

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbBf0c-NaN4&feature=player_embedded

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on February 22, 2012, 08:04:37 AM
Brighter Hell and Any Day Now from the Watchmen.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on February 22, 2012, 08:16:42 AM
Been looking a lot for songs about depression or that reminds me of depression. The best one I've heard so far is Unwell by Matchbox 20. Springsteen also has a song that you can listen to on youtube called "This depression". I'm not sure what else there is out there.

Well, one of my faves has always been "Needle in the Hay" by Elliott Smith. I'd also recommend "Ashes of American Flags" and "Sky Blue Sky" by Wilco.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on February 22, 2012, 11:25:05 AM
Sheryl Crow - Everyday is a Winding Road
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khrx-zrG460
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on February 22, 2012, 12:35:24 PM
Thanks for all the ideas, gonna go through them. I remember two others as well that reminds me of it. One is called Hold on hope by Guided by voices, I think. The other one is a really sad one by Clapton called Holy Mother.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 01, 2012, 09:39:06 AM
Went to the dentist for the first time in 10 years yesterday.  I was shaking like a leaf.  Major phobia...  Ended up with a pain-free cleaning and I only have a few cavities.  I beat that anxiety!

Next up is this weekend - Friday to Sunday in Montreal for the Habs-Leafs tilt.  Taking my son Jake (16) and Rob DM and Darryl.  I'm sweating thinking about the anxiety, yet really looking forward to it...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on March 01, 2012, 10:08:57 AM
Good for you Rick. A few months ago I went to the dentist for the first time in 10 years. I was pretty anxious too (normal anxiety though.) I had just one minor cavity; I was in and out in no time.

From that though I ended up booking an appointment for a bite splint. I have bruxism (grinding of the teeth) and he said I was wearing down my teeth. It's basically from stress.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BlueWhiteBlood on March 01, 2012, 11:08:20 AM
Went to the dentist for the first time in 10 years yesterday.  I was shaking like a leaf.  Major phobia...  Ended up with a pain-free cleaning and I only have a few cavities.  I beat that anxiety!

Next up is this weekend - Friday to Sunday in Montreal for the Habs-Leafs tilt.  Taking my son Jake (16) and Rob DM and Darryl.  I'm sweating thinking about the anxiety, yet really looking forward to it...

One thing at a time, awesome! Enjoy the game also.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: WhatIfGodWasALeaf on March 03, 2012, 01:35:46 PM
Been looking a lot for songs about depression or that reminds me of depression. The best one I've heard so far is Unwell by Matchbox 20. Springsteen also has a song that you can listen to on youtube called "This depression". I'm not sure what else there is out there.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHHoJOK5RzM[/youtube]
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate on March 04, 2012, 12:40:27 PM
Hey everyone,

I usually don't read this section of the site but I stumbled onto this thread a couple of weeks ago and have been slowly reading through it.  I don't have any easy answers (no one does, obviously), but I want to wish everyone the best in their struggles.  Without denigrating anyone else, I would like to send special best wishes to you, Rick, since your work has provided so many people so much enjoyment over the years.  That is a rare gift and I hope you are proud of it.

I do have a suggestion that hasn't really been talked about here.

Many mental health professionals promote the therapeutic value of spending unstructured time in natural areas.  I take it that most of you live in cities.  What tends to happen to urban folks is that they get wrapped up in people problems and become detached from the context, the background, in which we humans evolved.

Without getting into the large technical and philosophical literature that justifies this, I can just tell you that there is something incredibly soothing in talking a walk in a quiet woods, or by a lake, or anyplace where you can be in nature.  You "go outside yourself" for a time; you de-focus away from your problems and absorb the sights, smells, and sounds (and this is key: if you can go somewhere where you can only hear natural sounds, and listen carefully, after a few minutes you will find, I'm almost certain, a calming effect on your being).

If you can make a habit of doing this regularly -- every day is best -- I think you will soon develop the beginnings of an awareness that we are part of something bigger, something we didn't create and aren't in charge of, that we are at home on earth, and that being here is good.  And then hopefully you can begin transferring some of that positive feeling to your own self-esteem, or your personal relationships.

Just to give you an example: I live way off in the woods in a remote part of my state (but only 7 miles from a small university town, where I work).  Right now 5 wild turkeys have shown up at our bird feeder and I am looking at one right now standing on the snow.  It just looked at me.  We're here together, at this moment.  What does that mean?  Well, there are many meanings each of us could bring individually to this moment.  But it makes me happy to know that this beautiful creature is part of my consciousness right know.  It makes me want to flourish, and it makes me want nature to always be available.

Of course I can't guarantee results of nature therapy.  But I, and many others, find it to be a portal to wellness, and a way to heal the psychological dislocations that are at the heart of anxiety.

It's worth a try!

PS: I meant to add that you don't have to travel far to do this.  There are plenty of urban parks and other natural areas where you can get the essence of what I'm talking about.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on March 04, 2012, 02:08:48 PM
Wonderful thought ZBBM. it makes a lot of sense. Being in a smaller city surrounded by wilderness (and nature preserves in the city) I should really start taking advantage of this.

I'm going to go out somewhere this afternoon!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate on March 04, 2012, 07:49:01 PM
Wonderful thought ZBBM. it makes a lot of sense. Being in a smaller city surrounded by wilderness (and nature preserves in the city) I should really start taking advantage of this.

I'm going to go out somewhere this afternoon!

Great Bullfrog -- go out there, breathe deep, let your mind wander over what you see.  Enjoy.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 05, 2012, 10:02:03 AM
...best wishes to you, Rick, since your work has provided so many people so much enjoyment over the years.  That is a rare gift and I hope you are proud of it...

Thanks for the kind words.  There's quite a few people here to put in hard work to call this home.

The suggestions are bang on the money.  Exercise in the outdoors is a great help for depression.  It's something I need to start doing more of...

Cheers, Rick
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: MonikaM on March 05, 2012, 12:48:45 PM
ZBBM, I am glad that the nature connection works for you. I am the exact opposite - my energy and inspiration comes from the city.

I have attended retreats in rural settings and found myself going crazy, leaving for the nearest cafe with internet!

That being said, the ocean is my ultimate (non-family) joy. My times in, on,  or near the sea have been the happiest of my life. Memories of looking into the eyes of humpback whales, being surrounded by thousands of dolphins, and seeing sharks serenely swim past always bring beams of light even into the darkest depression.

Since I don't live near the ocean, second best is getting out to my favourite cafes every day. It provides some structure and gets me out.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on March 05, 2012, 01:14:04 PM
Hey everyone,

I usually don't read this section of the site but I stumbled onto this thread a couple of weeks ago and have been slowly reading through it.  I don't have any easy answers (no one does, obviously), but I want to wish everyone the best in their struggles.  Without denigrating anyone else, I would like to send special best wishes to you, Rick, since your work has provided so many people so much enjoyment over the years.  That is a rare gift and I hope you are proud of it.

I do have a suggestion that hasn't really been talked about here.

Many mental health professionals promote the therapeutic value of spending unstructured time in natural areas.  I take it that most of you live in cities.  What tends to happen to urban folks is that they get wrapped up in people problems and become detached from the context, the background, in which we humans evolved.

Without getting into the large technical and philosophical literature that justifies this, I can just tell you that there is something incredibly soothing in talking a walk in a quiet woods, or by a lake, or anyplace where you can be in nature.  You "go outside yourself" for a time; you de-focus away from your problems and absorb the sights, smells, and sounds (and this is key: if you can go somewhere where you can only hear natural sounds, and listen carefully, after a few minutes you will find, I'm almost certain, a calming effect on your being).

If you can make a habit of doing this regularly -- every day is best -- I think you will soon develop the beginnings of an awareness that we are part of something bigger, something we didn't create and aren't in charge of, that we are at home on earth, and that being here is good.  And then hopefully you can begin transferring some of that positive feeling to your own self-esteem, or your personal relationships.

Just to give you an example: I live way off in the woods in a remote part of my state (but only 7 miles from a small university town, where I work).  Right now 5 wild turkeys have shown up at our bird feeder and I am looking at one right now standing on the snow.  It just looked at me.  We're here together, at this moment.  What does that mean?  Well, there are many meanings each of us could bring individually to this moment.  But it makes me happy to know that this beautiful creature is part of my consciousness right know.  It makes me want to flourish, and it makes me want nature to always be available.

Of course I can't guarantee results of nature therapy.  But I, and many others, find it to be a portal to wellness, and a way to heal the psychological dislocations that are at the heart of anxiety.

It's worth a try!

PS: I meant to add that you don't have to travel far to do this.  There are plenty of urban parks and other natural areas where you can get the essence of what I'm talking about.
That's a good suggestion. I actually used to do that when I was a kid, dunno why I stopped. I used to sit on a cliff and watch the local lake, and when it was still I used to dream away while watching it. And I could sit there for a very long time, and no people around. Only nature. And you can smell the nature, and you don't hear people yelling. You don't hear cars or cellphones. It's just you and the nature. And when things are at best and you just dream away, you hear some damn airplane nearby who ruins it all :D
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: lc9 on March 05, 2012, 01:35:53 PM
I love a good mix of city and country.  I live in the country but travel often enough to cities that I get my fix.

Nature can be liberating.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BMan on March 05, 2012, 09:50:06 PM
They say from January with all the bills to pay because of the holidays and then into February, which overall is a depressing month, it is a very tough part of the year for alot of people. I absolutely agree with going out into the woods or somewhere where its you and Mother Nature, just to reflect, to relax, to not think of any worries in the world.

 I agree with Monika about the ocean, It is such a powerful force that can do more then just sway boats. I can't describe it, but, I too would like to get back to seeing it soon. I always wondered if I should be living in a city or town close to the drink. We are so connected with all this technology, maybe we just need to step outside and take in what is there for us all to see and sense.

Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...wax on wax off... :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on March 06, 2012, 08:44:38 AM
They say from January with all the bills to pay because of the holidays and then into February,...

Slightly off topic, but this is why I don't understand why people put so much pressure on themselves at Christmas and spend so much money. We spent $300 this year, and that includes each other, our boy, and out family members.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: LittleHockeyFan on March 06, 2012, 09:03:01 AM
They say from January with all the bills to pay because of the holidays and then into February,...

Slightly off topic, but this is why I don't understand why people put so much pressure on themselves at Christmas and spend so much money. We spent $300 this year, and that includes each other, our boy, and out family members.

Those people might have teenagers that want XBox, Nintendo, Playstation, iPods, iPhones, new computers etc etc...None of which is cheap. Heck, even buying a single game for one of those systems is like, 50 or more dollars. Hard to keep to a budget that way. Even buying a kid a cellphone is expensive ;-\
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: TheMightyOdin on March 06, 2012, 11:55:12 PM
They say from January with all the bills to pay because of the holidays and then into February,...

Slightly off topic, but this is why I don't understand why people put so much pressure on themselves at Christmas and spend so much money. We spent $300 this year, and that includes each other, our boy, and out family members.

Those people might have teenagers that want XBox, Nintendo, Playstation, iPods, iPhones, new computers etc etc...None of which is cheap. Heck, even buying a single game for one of those systems is like, 50 or more dollars. Hard to keep to a budget that way. Even buying a kid a cellphone is expensive ;-\

I have boycotted Christmas the past 7 or so years. I won't accept or give presents. It's awesome! I take care of my friends and family on their birthdays.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on March 14, 2012, 04:40:51 PM
Well, my girlfriend made it official two days ago. We were trying to work it out, and I thought it was coming along, but she about faced completely. After I gave her my word that I'd be here for the long haul (marriage and kids) she said she didn't want to settle down anymore and didn't want to live in apartments scraping for money.

To be honest, I think half of her view of me is colored by the fact that she lucked out and has a better job than myself and has more disposable income than myself. So she wants to go on trips and I want to save my money for now. One or two trips a year isn't enough for her. She wants to four trips or more a year.

Which actually is even more depressing: She's changed completely from when I knew her, continues to flip flop and doesn't know what she wants, but to be honest I think she wants a guy with money or wants to be single and party and go on trips (I've already been single and partied so I'm not interested in that).

I've never been more burned in my life.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stronger Than All on March 14, 2012, 04:48:17 PM
They say from January with all the bills to pay because of the holidays and then into February,...

Slightly off topic, but this is why I don't understand why people put so much pressure on themselves at Christmas and spend so much money. We spent $300 this year, and that includes each other, our boy, and out family members.

Those people might have teenagers that want XBox, Nintendo, Playstation, iPods, iPhones, new computers etc etc...None of which is cheap. Heck, even buying a single game for one of those systems is like, 50 or more dollars. Hard to keep to a budget that way. Even buying a kid a cellphone is expensive ;-\

I have boycotted Christmas the past 7 or so years. I won't accept or give presents. It's awesome! I take care of my friends and family on their birthdays.

It depresses me thinking of my 2 year old son wanting these things.  I already love me and my wife being ripped off by Rogers, can't wait to hear about their family plans!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on March 15, 2012, 06:02:59 PM
I feel like a bit of a wreck right now. I'm nauseous all the time, still digesting the death of a 3.5 year relationship. I'm having a hard time eating and I've already lost almost 3-5lbs in 4 days.

I really don't know how to handle this, what should I do? At times I think I'm all pulled together and times I just feel like leaving work and walk around aimlessly.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: WhatIfGodWasALeaf on March 15, 2012, 06:11:25 PM
I left work for a two hour lunch today, spent money on clothes, had a large steak and a few glasses of wine.

Certainly blew away the morning blues that I had.

It's important to treat yourself well. :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: LittleHockeyFan on March 15, 2012, 06:40:19 PM
:-( I wish I could say something helpful Bender. Something other than 'hang in there'. It'll get better, I promise. Just know we care, and are here to hear you out.

hugs, LHF
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: harps64 on March 15, 2012, 07:15:25 PM
Yea Bender, Much better to end it now than 5-7 years down the road with kids involved and the divorce thing to deal with. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel better right now, but I tell you one thing, "time is the greatest healer of all".
Hang in there, things will get better, believe me!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on March 16, 2012, 01:01:20 AM
:-( I wish I could say something helpful Bender. Something other than 'hang in there'. It'll get better, I promise. Just know we care, and are here to hear you out.

hugs, LHF

Thanks LHF. She stopped by the apartment when I wasn't here and took some of her things away. She let me know she was coming but I didn't want to be around. So odd.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 16, 2012, 09:34:06 AM
Bender, are you working right now?  If so do you have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program)?  They'd have anonymous counselling where you could let all your issues out...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Boston Leaf on March 16, 2012, 09:56:45 AM
Bender have you ever tried meditation? I hear that works for some. I have ADD so I cant calm down enough for it. but know people whom it has helped
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 16, 2012, 10:11:52 AM
For anyone feeling down - our old friend Kathy shared this:
http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/

Awesome!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on March 16, 2012, 11:57:37 AM
Bender, are you working right now?  If so do you have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program)?  They'd have anonymous counselling where you could let all your issues out...

Yeah I think I will check that out. Luckily my employer is pretty good with that kind of thing, they should have that.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: BMan on March 16, 2012, 12:14:12 PM
I feel like a bit of a wreck right now. I'm nauseous all the time, still digesting the death of a 3.5 year relationship. I'm having a hard time eating and I've already lost almost 3-5lbs in 4 days.

I really don't know how to handle this, what should I do? At times I think I'm all pulled together and times I just feel like leaving work and walk around aimlessly.

I know you don't need to hear this, but screw her man! Don't let another human being ruin your life! Just another sad case in life these days of the selfishness that is enveloping society. If the almighty buck is her biggest concern, then let her move on, let her realise when she grows up that it won't matter at the end of the day. You can't take it with you when you pass away. Her loss man.

A great way to move on is to join a sports recreational league where women and men get to play together...plus you could end up meeting someone new, and you could eventually look back and think, that was the best thing that ever happened to me..

I don't know if you live in the GTA, but in Mississauga for instance, there is a recreation league called Average Joe Sports, and they are taking new applicants now, for fun sports which involve the fairer sex, like Dodgeball, Volleyball, Floor Hockey et al...

That's my suggestion.No need to wallow in the mire. She ain't worth it.

  http://www.averagejoesports.ca/
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on March 16, 2012, 01:40:22 PM
I feel like a bit of a wreck right now. I'm nauseous all the time, still digesting the death of a 3.5 year relationship. I'm having a hard time eating and I've already lost almost 3-5lbs in 4 days.

I really don't know how to handle this, what should I do? At times I think I'm all pulled together and times I just feel like leaving work and walk around aimlessly.

I know you don't need to hear this, but screw her man! Don't let another human being ruin your life! Just another sad case in life these days of the selfishness that is enveloping society. If the almighty buck is her biggest concern, then let her move on, let her realise when she grows up that it won't matter at the end of the day. You can't take it with you when you pass away. Her loss man.

A great way to move on is to join a sports recreational league where women and men get to play together...plus you could end up meeting someone new, and you could eventually look back and think, that was the best thing that ever happened to me..

I don't know if you live in the GTA, but in Mississauga for instance, there is a recreation league called Average Joe Sports, and they are taking new applicants now, for fun sports which involve the fairer sex, like Dodgeball, Volleyball, Floor Hockey et al...

That's my suggestion.No need to wallow in the mire. She ain't worth it.

  http://www.averagejoesports.ca/

The sad thing is I think you're right. She's a pampered only child. She got extremely lucky in her job and the pay difference between us allowed her a different lifestyle than myself - which I guess became a huge issue, as before she was kind, pretty selfless, would do anything for me and I guess that's the biggest shock is the complete 180 degree change in disposition. I guess her true colors came out when we moved in?

At the same time, the heart wants what it wants. I can't say for sure that its just money, could be that things just fizzled out.

I'll definitely look into that. The problem is I'll probably be moving back in with the rents to save up some cash against the student loan and save up money for a down payment on a place so once I make the jump to a better position I'll be able to pay for the place (to hell with paying rent).

You're right, this might be for the best. I'll try to take my mind off of it and focus on myself to get to where I want to be and know that there's a whole world of possibilities out there.

It just sucks knowing that 3.5 years of my life went down the drain, that her colors changed when we moved in. How do you move on from something like that and not worry that you'll get burned again?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Guilt Trip on March 16, 2012, 02:16:32 PM
I feel like a bit of a wreck right now. I'm nauseous all the time, still digesting the death of a 3.5 year relationship. I'm having a hard time eating and I've already lost almost 3-5lbs in 4 days.

I really don't know how to handle this, what should I do? At times I think I'm all pulled together and times I just feel like leaving work and walk around aimlessly.

I know you don't need to hear this, but screw her man! Don't let another human being ruin your life! Just another sad case in life these days of the selfishness that is enveloping society. If the almighty buck is her biggest concern, then let her move on, let her realise when she grows up that it won't matter at the end of the day. You can't take it with you when you pass away. Her loss man.

A great way to move on is to join a sports recreational league where women and men get to play together...plus you could end up meeting someone new, and you could eventually look back and think, that was the best thing that ever happened to me..

I don't know if you live in the GTA, but in Mississauga for instance, there is a recreation league called Average Joe Sports, and they are taking new applicants now, for fun sports which involve the fairer sex, like Dodgeball, Volleyball, Floor Hockey et al...

That's my suggestion.No need to wallow in the mire. She ain't worth it.

  http://www.averagejoesports.ca/

The sad thing is I think you're right. She's a pampered only child. She got extremely lucky in her job and the pay difference between us allowed her a different lifestyle than myself - which I guess became a huge issue, as before she was kind, pretty selfless, would do anything for me and I guess that's the biggest shock is the complete 180 degree change in disposition. I guess her true colors came out when we moved in?

At the same time, the heart wants what it wants. I can't say for sure that its just money, could be that things just fizzled out.

I'll definitely look into that. The problem is I'll probably be moving back in with the rents to save up some cash against the student loan and save up money for a down payment on a place so once I make the jump to a better position I'll be able to pay for the place (to hell with paying rent).

You're right, this might be for the best. I'll try to take my mind off of it and focus on myself to get to where I want to be and know that there's a whole world of possibilities out there.

It just sucks knowing that 3.5 years of my life went down the drain, that her colors changed when we moved in. How do you move on from something like that and not worry that you'll get burned again?
Dude...I feel your pain. I was in a 9 year relationship, and was engaged when she decided things needed to be different. It took a while and yes your heart wants what it wants, but you need to think with your head. It's black and white...She doesn't want you anymore...Accept it, think about what, if anything you could improve, and take it to the next relationship. Also have some set goals on what you want from your next relationship. For me, I was ready to settle down. Being dumped  turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I know this because I'm still in love with my next relationship, 23 years later.
Best of luck to you....you will find someone who appreciates you, for you and what you are.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: TheMightyOdin on March 17, 2012, 11:34:50 AM
For anyone feeling down - our old friend Kathy shared this:
http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/

Awesome!

I want some of that stuff!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on March 18, 2012, 04:37:02 AM
For anyone feeling down - our old friend Kathy shared this:
http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/

Awesome!

I want some of that stuff!


That's the brilliance of the site. Making fun but you'll still click and buy and they get a kick back. I had no idea that skull shot glasses ever existed. That's just a damn good idea.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sucker Punch on March 18, 2012, 04:41:41 AM
For anyone feeling down - our old friend Kathy shared this:
http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/

Awesome!

I want some of that stuff!

Ohmigod, I want ALL that stuff!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Peter D. on March 22, 2012, 02:08:03 PM
Has anyone experienced their anxiety getting in the way while playing sports?  Before, I had no problems.  Now, I am so self-conscious about my anxiety that it brings on palpitations and doesn't allow me to play the way I used to. 

For ball hockey, I had no problem running up and down the floor with any concern.  Now, I barely run in fear my heart's going to explode.  Also, in gym hockey, I used to have no problem playing goalie on a consistent basis as filler.  The one time this year they asked me to do so, I got so claustrophobic in the equipment and felt my heart palpitating that I immediately stripped out of the equipment.  I didn't even bother signing up for ice hockey this year fearing the worst if I were to over-exert myself.

I never had this problem before.  I hate this.  Some of the things I love doing most are being taken away from me by my own self.  :(
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 22, 2012, 03:08:47 PM
Has anyone experienced their anxiety getting in the way while playing sports?  Before, I had no problems.  Now, I am so self-conscious about my anxiety that it brings on palpitations and doesn't allow me to play the way I used to. 

For ball hockey, I had no problem running up and down the floor with any concern.  Now, I barely run in fear my heart's going to explode.  Also, in gym hockey, I used to have no problem playing goalie on a consistent basis as filler.  The one time this year they asked me to do so, I got so claustrophobic in the equipment and felt my heart palpitating that I immediately stripped out of the equipment.  I didn't even bother signing up for ice hockey this year fearing the worst if I were to over-exert myself.

I never had this problem before.  I hate this.  Some of the things I love doing most are being taken away from me by my own self.  :(

Sorry to hear that Peter.  These anxiety phobia issues can really limit life.  I just gave up driving.  After 25 years of clean driving, I've had 2 at-fault accidents and 3 speeding tickets.  I just can't concentrate on driving to the point that I'm now afraid to drive.  That and my insurance has told me my rate would go up by $8000 this year...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on March 23, 2012, 01:04:06 PM
So it's been almost a couple weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me and it's not getting any easier. I'm actually becoming a lot more self-destructive. I've been drinking almost every day of the week, with or without friends to deal with it. I'm close to chain smoking now too.

I hate to say it but I've basically become a wreck and the only time I'm happy is when I'm drinking. Which is actually kind of scary, because this is not how I operate normally.

I wish I knew how to handle this correctly.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on March 23, 2012, 01:13:17 PM
To heck with her, dude... In the near future, you'll find someone and think back and say, "man, did I ever take that last waaaay to hard."  :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on March 23, 2012, 02:07:34 PM
To heck with her, dude... In the near future, you'll find someone and think back and say, "man, did I ever take that last waaaay to hard."  :)

Yeah, been there, and although she'll always have a place in my heart, I wasted 8 years of my 20's not being able to move on.   Even ruined relationships afterwards cos every girl thought they were competing against this 'ghost' and they'd always be second place.  Now that I think about it, boy was i being silly, and wasted the prime years of my life!  there are a billion other women out there and you'll find one thats even more right for you.   Hardest part is to know when to stop wading in misery, give it a little time and then just say 'Eff it, i'm going to be a man-whore!' for a little bit...indulgence is the best cure for a broken heart.  Its kinda cliche, but it's true, when you're single and looking all sad and pathetic, no girl will touch you with a ten foot pole.  After grieving just do the man-whore thing to get yourself back up.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on March 25, 2012, 03:54:41 PM
I've been reading a book that I thought I'd mention here. I heard a guy named Joe Dispenza on a radio show a few weeks ago and I couldn't stop listening to the guy. I picked up his book and have had a hard time putting it down.

I've read a billion books on anxiety and depression but this is the first one I've ever read that actually explains scientifically, what's going on with your brain when you feel that way. It also explains how you can't get out of a rut because your subconscious mind is trained to bring you back to it. You know that great feeling you have for a couple of days when you try to think differently and then end up right back where you started? He explains it all very well by letting you know exactly what's happening inside your mind and body.

Anyway, it's a fascinating read and I thought I'd bring it up in case anyone was interested.

It's called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One.

You can pick it up on Amazon.ca............

http://www.amazon.ca/Breaking-Habit-Being-Yourself-Create/dp/1401938086/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332704891&sr=8-1

Or if you have a kindle, you can get it at the US Amazon site.........

http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-The-Habit-Being-Yourself/dp/1401938086/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332704400&sr=8-1

You can also check out the reviews for it on the American site. If you pick it up, trust me, you won't be disappointed.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 26, 2012, 08:07:39 AM
Here's a pretty good read on mental illness and dying younger...

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/mark-davies/mental-illness-dying-20-years-too-soon_b_1373093.html
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on March 26, 2012, 02:15:59 PM
So it's been almost a couple weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me and it's not getting any easier. I'm actually becoming a lot more self-destructive. I've been drinking almost every day of the week, with or without friends to deal with it. I'm close to chain smoking now too.

I hate to say it but I've basically become a wreck and the only time I'm happy is when I'm drinking. Which is actually kind of scary, because this is not how I operate normally.

I wish I knew how to handle this correctly.

Sorry about this bender.  Can you find a hobby you like?  Join a gym, pickup a new sport or something to keep you occupied?

Just don't jump into a new relationship on the rebound.  My BIL did this after his 1st breakup (high school sweetheart, all that) and ended up with the biggest b****h on the planet.  Ended up married, a kid and divorced all within 2 yrs.  Aside from his wonderful son, it was THE WORST 2 yrs of his life!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on March 27, 2012, 07:13:41 PM
So it's been almost a couple weeks since my girlfriend broke up with me and it's not getting any easier. I'm actually becoming a lot more self-destructive. I've been drinking almost every day of the week, with or without friends to deal with it. I'm close to chain smoking now too.

I hate to say it but I've basically become a wreck and the only time I'm happy is when I'm drinking. Which is actually kind of scary, because this is not how I operate normally.

I wish I knew how to handle this correctly.

Sorry about this bender.  Can you find a hobby you like?  Join a gym, pickup a new sport or something to keep you occupied?

Just don't jump into a new relationship on the rebound.  My BIL did this after his 1st breakup (high school sweetheart, all that) and ended up with the biggest b****h on the planet.  Ended up married, a kid and divorced all within 2 yrs.  Aside from his wonderful son, it was THE WORST 2 yrs of his life!

Definitely noted! I'm working on things that will keep me occupied right now, I was thinking of joining a beginners hockey program (played shinny but can't play well) and working on some music and all that.

It's just down the line when I'm ready I have absolutely no idea where to meet women with the same interests as myself. University was pretty simple, but being out of school and working all the time how would you even go about it? I'm not much of a club guy and the bar scene is very hit and miss. It also seems people don't hook people up anymore. When I was single last time absolutely none of my female friends would hook me up for reasons unknown.

It's funny because when I was dating my gf I felt like there were lots of single women out there, now most of the ones that were single at the time are taken. Bah.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on March 27, 2012, 07:27:57 PM
Take this for what it is, just an opinion.

I've been there, depressed and self destructive over similar issues. The last thing you need to do is worry about another mate right now, baggage and such. Give yourself some time, enjoy life again. Meeting a mate will happen at some point without even trying.

Playing hockey is a great idea, you're also a creative person so get that guitar working as well. Getting comfortable in your own skin is easier said than done but probably the right first step.

Anywho, hope it all works out. :)

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on April 04, 2012, 09:15:58 AM
Oh goodie!  My psychiatrist added to my long list of meds again - this time Lithium. Side effects I can expect:
- even worse dry mouth than I have now (I'm ALWAYS dry from other meds I take daily)
- weight gain
- shaky hands

With a little luck, my moods will be stabilized with it...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on April 29, 2012, 12:30:56 PM
Oh goodie!  My psychiatrist added to my long list of meds again - this time Lithium. Side effects I can expect:
- even worse dry mouth than I have now (I'm ALWAYS dry from other meds I take daily)
- weight gain
- shaky hands

With a little luck, my moods will be stabilized with it...

The meds actually are stabalizing my depression/suicidal thoughts.  I've been trying to lose weight with little success.  But I'm shaking like I have parkinsons.  It's horrible.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 05, 2013, 07:15:09 AM
I'm slowely starting to get better, and I'm surprised about some thing. I've been in therapy once a week since late September, but she works in a different way and it helps a lot. She is very interested in helping, and it's easy to be honest and open. She challenges me too which is good. I'm also on new medication which affects dopamine levels too, and maybe that was a good thing although I've gained a lot of weight. For a while when it was really bad I was down at 110lb, and I'm 5'10, last time I weighed that little I was like 14 or something. Now I'm at 158lbs, which is ok. Only problem I have is that I get hungry like all the time, and usually when I'm supposed to sleep, so my sleeping pattern is so and so. Another weird thing is that I think that my confidence and self esteem is better now than before, and I don't know whether it's due to the therapy or the pills, but hey what do I care!? And I'm actually trying to change things that I didn't have the strength to do before, and I'm having some success with it too.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: WhatIfGodWasALeaf on January 05, 2013, 08:30:36 AM
Glad to hear that buddy, keep up the good work.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on January 05, 2013, 09:04:58 AM
Fantastic news!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: #1PilarFan on January 06, 2013, 04:40:20 PM
I'm slowely starting to get better, and I'm surprised about some thing. I've been in therapy once a week since late September, but she works in a different way and it helps a lot. She is very interested in helping, and it's easy to be honest and open. She challenges me too which is good. I'm also on new medication which affects dopamine levels too, and maybe that was a good thing although I've gained a lot of weight. For a while when it was really bad I was down at 110lb, and I'm 5'10, last time I weighed that little I was like 14 or something. Now I'm at 158lbs, which is ok. Only problem I have is that I get hungry like all the time, and usually when I'm supposed to sleep, so my sleeping pattern is so and so. Another weird thing is that I think that my confidence and self esteem is better now than before, and I don't know whether it's due to the therapy or the pills, but hey what do I care!? And I'm actually trying to change things that I didn't have the strength to do before, and I'm having some success with it too.
If the meds boost your dopamine, then the confidence and self-esteem is probably coming from that. Not to take anything away from you though, dopamine just happens to be a factor in things like coping, will and confidence. That might mean that, before the meds, you had an unnaturally low dopamine so the pills are just correcting a chemical imbalance. If for some reason you go off the meds and miss that dopamine boost, L-Tyrosine (among other things) is a natural alternative and it can help prevent a crash.

Of course, if the meds are supposed to lower your dopamine, then... well, I dunno.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on June 10, 2013, 03:24:03 AM
Talk about the kind of assault that not only causes depression and anxiety but fear and emotional trauma...55% of men in the U.S. military are victims of male-to-male rape and sexual assault.  Can the Canadian Forces be far behind?  According to officials, the problem exists here, as with military women as well, being victims of male sexual assault.


Most of the male-to-male assaults are done by heterosexual men, usually by those in upper command.  The Canadian government has undertaken a (military) survey in a bid to decipher any of the above problems encountered by Canadian military personnel, who, all too often keep quiet for fear of reprisals or persecution.  Terrible.

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/canadian-forces-survey-asks-troops-shed-light-sexual-150009010.html (http://ca.news.yahoo.com/canadian-forces-survey-asks-troops-shed-light-sexual-150009010.html)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on June 10, 2013, 10:31:57 AM
Talk about the kind of assault that not only causes depression and anxiety but fear and emotional trauma...55% of men in the U.S. military are victims of male-to-male rape and sexual assault. 

Perhaps you should reread the article or rephrase your statement, because it's not remotely accurate. It states:
Quote
"Eighty-five per cent of U.S. military members are male and the majority of sexual assault victims as estimated by the Department of Defense — about 55 per cent — are men, Lewis said.

Roughly the same demographic applies to the Canadian Forces, but it's unclear the extent to which male sexual assaults are happening."
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on June 10, 2013, 04:49:13 PM
Talk about the kind of assault that not only causes depression and anxiety but fear and emotional trauma...55% of men in the U.S. military are victims of male-to-male rape and sexual assault. 

Perhaps you should reread the article or rephrase your statement, because it's not remotely accurate. It states:
Quote
"Eighty-five per cent of U.S. military members are male and the majority of sexual assault victims as estimated by the Department of Defense — about 55 per cent — are men, Lewis said.

Roughly the same demographic applies to the Canadian Forces, but it's unclear the extent to which male sexual assaults are happening."


55% is correct, as per the U.S. military. 
As per the Canadian Forces, a survey will be undertaken.

In other words, in case you misread, it (male sexual assault) may exist in the Canadian Forces as well.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on June 10, 2013, 04:53:16 PM
55% is correct, as per the U.S. military. 

No, it's not. This is quoted verbatim from the article you linked to:

Quote
According to a 2012 anonymous survey released last month by the U.S. Department of National Defense, an estimated 6.1 per cent of active duty women and 1.2 per cent of men were victims of unwanted sexual contact.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on June 10, 2013, 05:08:08 PM
55% is correct, as per the U.S. military. 

No, it's not. This is quoted verbatim from the article you linked to:

Quote
According to a 2012 anonymous survey released last month by the U.S. Department of National Defense, an estimated 6.1 per cent of active duty women and 1.2 per cent of men were victims of unwanted sexual contact.


From article:
...an estimated 6.1 per cent of active duty women and 1.2 per cent of men were victims of unwanted sexual contact.  That translates to roughly 12,000 women who were assaulted and 14,000 men — up from an estimated 19,300 victims in 2010.

Then:
Eighty-five per cent of U.S. military members are male and the majority of sexual assault victims as estimated by the Department of Defense — about 55 per cent — are men, Lewis said.

So, in other words, they are estimating that 55% of the male group were victims of male sexual assault.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on June 10, 2013, 05:15:33 PM
55% is correct, as per the U.S. military. 

No, it's not. This is quoted verbatim from the article you linked to:

Quote
According to a 2012 anonymous survey released last month by the U.S. Department of National Defense, an estimated 6.1 per cent of active duty women and 1.2 per cent of men were victims of unwanted sexual contact.


From article:
...an estimated 6.1 per cent of active duty women and 1.2 per cent of men were victims of unwanted sexual contact.  That translates to roughly 12,000 women who were assaulted and 14,000 men — up from an estimated 19,300 victims in 2010.

Then:
Eighty-five per cent of U.S. military members are male and the majority of sexual assault victims as estimated by the Department of Defense — about 55 per cent — are men, Lewis said.

So, in other words, they are estimating that 55% of the male group were victims of male sexual assault.

Oh sweet goodness, no. No, they're not. Do you see how in that first sentence they estimate a total of 26,000 total sexual assault victims? The United States military has millions of members. The 55 percent is in reference to the number of those 26,000 sexual assault cases where the victims are male.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on June 10, 2013, 05:32:25 PM
55% is correct, as per the U.S. military. 

No, it's not. This is quoted verbatim from the article you linked to:

Quote
According to a 2012 anonymous survey released last month by the U.S. Department of National Defense, an estimated 6.1 per cent of active duty women and 1.2 per cent of men were victims of unwanted sexual contact.


From article:
...an estimated 6.1 per cent of active duty women and 1.2 per cent of men were victims of unwanted sexual contact.  That translates to roughly 12,000 women who were assaulted and 14,000 men — up from an estimated 19,300 victims in 2010.

Then:
Eighty-five per cent of U.S. military members are male and the majority of sexual assault victims as estimated by the Department of Defense — about 55 per cent — are men, Lewis said.

So, in other words, they are estimating that 55% of the male group were victims of male sexual assault.

Oh sweet goodness, no. No, they're not. Do you see how in that first sentence they estimate a total of 26,000 total sexual assault victims? The United States military has millions of members. The 55 percent is in reference to the number of those 26,000 sexual assault cases where the victims are male.


That was the point I was trying to make!  Of the group of males in that category (of the total group), an estimated 55% were male sexual assault victims.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on June 10, 2013, 05:53:16 PM
That was the point I was trying to make!  Of the group of males in that category (of the total group), an estimated 55% were male sexual assault victims.

You said:

...55% of men in the U.S. military are victims of male-to-male rape and sexual assault.

Not "...55% of the sexual assault victims in the US Military are male."
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on June 10, 2013, 11:33:09 PM
That was the point I was trying to make!  Of the group of males in that category (of the total group), an estimated 55% were male sexual assault victims.

You said:

...55% of men in the U.S. military are victims of male-to-male rape and sexual assault.

Not "...55% of the sexual assault victims in the US Military are male."


I see where I erred.  I got mixed up trying to re-phrase in my own words the article...
(Whenever I post on tmlfans, whether it's a sentence or a quote either from an article or a source, it's always highlighted (coloured).  When it's in black (uncoloured), then they're in my own words).

That's where I got mixed up.

Anyways, thanks for re-clarifying.

My bad.  :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on June 11, 2013, 11:35:28 AM
I'm slotted in to undergo a fairly new treatment for my severe depression.  It's at Western Hospital in Toronto. It's called rTMS and it's magnetic based.  I'm somewhat skeptical, but trying my best to keep an open mind.  I go every day for 20 weekdays in a row starting mid-July.  Quite a commute from Cambridge, but I'm running out of options...  Here's the info for anyone wondering:  http://www.rtmsclinic.ca/
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on June 11, 2013, 01:58:16 PM
I'm slotted in to undergo a fairly new treatment for my severe depression.  It's at Western Hospital in Toronto. It's called rTMS and it's magnetic based.  I'm somewhat skeptical, but trying my best to keep an open mind.  I go every day for 20 weekdays in a row starting mid-July.  Quite a commute from Cambridge, but I'm running out of options...  Here's the info for anyone wondering:  http://www.rtmsclinic.ca/
I got one of my co-workers to start eating bitter melon.  It good for diabetes and weight loss.  He started juicing it and eating it (cooked) regularly and said it really had noticeable effects, not just in controlling his sugar but he started to feel better in other aspects of his wellbeing as well.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: KoHo on June 11, 2013, 02:40:24 PM
I'm slotted in to undergo a fairly new treatment for my severe depression.  It's at Western Hospital in Toronto. It's called rTMS and it's magnetic based.  I'm somewhat skeptical, but trying my best to keep an open mind.  I go every day for 20 weekdays in a row starting mid-July.  Quite a commute from Cambridge, but I'm running out of options...  Here's the info for anyone wondering:  http://www.rtmsclinic.ca/
Interesting, I've never heard of magnetic therapy before. Seems legit. All the best to you.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: TML fan on June 11, 2013, 07:15:04 PM
Waiting to hear if I got an interview for a new job is....not fun....
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on June 15, 2013, 10:11:37 AM
Good luck to you Rick. Though I understand the difficulty in getting motivated, I believe a real focus on your overall health and fitness will be necessary and beneficial in helping you achieve your goals. I'm trying not to preach as I'm in poor shape, but I truly believe in balanced approaches. Hard to get the mind healthy when the body isn't and vice versa. The more I read of Dr. Gabor Mate's work, the more I come to understand that there is no separation between body and mind. Reading "When the Body Says No" changed my outlook on life and was the catalyst for me quitting my job and I've been happier and healthier, though financially poorer for it.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Brian Glennie on June 15, 2013, 08:26:18 PM
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obBjJ7n6S2M[/youtube]
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on June 27, 2013, 02:48:56 PM
Rick, thinking of you.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on June 27, 2013, 03:39:51 PM
Rick, thinking of you.

Love ya AG.  Appreciate the kind words!  Just waiting for the stuff to start.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on August 22, 2013, 05:45:22 PM
A long-term study initiated by Boston University researchers on brain trauma injuries  in athletes and otters in general (CTE or Chronic Trauma Encephalapathy), found that it varies from person to person, affecting & impairing their memory, mood, behaviour, even the ability to think.

Protein abnormalilies were found, via post mortem,  in those affected by brain trauma.

A very worthy read:
http://www.thehockeynews.com/articles/53089-Brain-disease-CTE-hits-athletes-differently-brain-and-behaviour-study-suggests.html
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 06, 2014, 11:39:54 AM
Hey.  Yesterday was awful.  Today is a little better.  My anxiety is spinning round and round, unable to think clearly.  I'm taking extra medication - hoping that will work.  I'm on 11 prescriptions these days.  I have to bust through these dark days or I'll end up back in hospital.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on March 10, 2014, 10:53:02 AM
Hey.  Yesterday was awful.  Today is a little better.  My anxiety is spinning round and round, unable to think clearly.  I'm taking extra medication - hoping that will work.  I'm on 11 prescriptions these days.  I have to bust through these dark days or I'll end up back in hospital.

I had another bout, started just after Halloween and lifted late January, but still not sleeping well.  Definately not as bad as last time.  This time I used the EAP program offered through work.  I was loathe to go that route but my doctor highly recommended it.  All i can offer to you is, out last it, it will pass. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on March 10, 2014, 02:26:50 PM
I don't know if im getting better or worse. Social anxiety and anxiety in general is lower, but I do different things to punish myself, meh I dunno.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on March 11, 2014, 11:55:37 AM
Hey.  Yesterday was awful.  Today is a little better.  My anxiety is spinning round and round, unable to think clearly.  I'm taking extra medication - hoping that will work.  I'm on 11 prescriptions these days.  I have to bust through these dark days or I'll end up back in hospital.

Rick, big hugs man. I'm sure that this winter hasn't helped much (weather wise). Hang in there. We're all here anytime you need to talk, listen, whatever.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on June 18, 2014, 09:58:29 AM
Severe depression is so much fun, 10 years and counting. Don't think it's been as bad as it is now for a very long time. It's also very comforting when your doctor tells you that if no pills have helped you so far, it's not likely that any other will either. And recently I got to try "the most efficient" medicine, but with more side-effects, results? More thoughts about suicide, so great. The last possible solution is ECT. It's so frustrating, I know that I can't keep on living like this for long, and at the same time I don't know if it's possible to get any better. So I just don't know what to do, I don't want to suffer for the rest of my life.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: A Weekend at Bernier's on June 18, 2014, 01:47:57 PM
Severe depression is so much fun, 10 years and counting. Don't think it's been as bad as it is now for a very long time. It's also very comforting when your doctor tells you that if no pills have helped you so far, it's not likely that any other will either. And recently I got to try "the most efficient" medicine, but with more side-effects, results? More thoughts about suicide, so great. The last possible solution is ECT. It's so frustrating, I know that I can't keep on living like this for long, and at the same time I don't know if it's possible to get any better. So I just don't know what to do, I don't want to suffer for the rest of my life.

Stebro, we don't know one another but I want to pass along positive thoughts and energy your way.  I am sorry that you are suffering and I hope that things start to turn positively.  Stay strong.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on June 18, 2014, 02:05:19 PM
I echo "A weekend at Bernier's".

Big big hugs man!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: WhatIfGodWasALeaf on June 18, 2014, 03:03:07 PM
Severe depression is so much fun, 10 years and counting. Don't think it's been as bad as it is now for a very long time. It's also very comforting when your doctor tells you that if no pills have helped you so far, it's not likely that any other will either. And recently I got to try "the most efficient" medicine, but with more side-effects, results? More thoughts about suicide, so great. The last possible solution is ECT. It's so frustrating, I know that I can't keep on living like this for long, and at the same time I don't know if it's possible to get any better. So I just don't know what to do, I don't want to suffer for the rest of my life.
Hey man, I went through the same type of scenario. This doesn't mean I know how you feel right now though, but all I can say that over time, for me it got better. So as helpless as you feel right now, please know that getting better, being happier, can happend.

Now this doesn't mean there won't always be some bad days, but it's not as much of a lost cause as I know you probably feel like right now.

If you ever need to talk, even if you want to keep it private, please don't hesitate to PM me on here.

Keep pushing forward brother, I believe in your ability to get healthy, even if you don't right now.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on June 22, 2014, 03:33:40 AM
Severe depression is so much fun, 10 years and counting. Don't think it's been as bad as it is now for a very long time. It's also very comforting when your doctor tells you that if no pills have helped you so far, it's not likely that any other will either. And recently I got to try "the most efficient" medicine, but with more side-effects, results? More thoughts about suicide, so great. The last possible solution is ECT. It's so frustrating, I know that I can't keep on living like this for long, and at the same time I don't know if it's possible to get any better. So I just don't know what to do, I don't want to suffer for the rest of my life.

Hi Stebro, I don't know you personally either but if you're at the end of a rope, try a book called "You Are The Placebo" by Dr. Joe Dispenza.

The gist of it is pretty much about how by the age of 35, our brains have pretty much seen all they're going to get so we've "hardwired" our thoughts to react to anything the same way, over and over again. Wake up, feel the same, do the same things that those thoughts told you to do, feel the same thing after they're done, go to bed and repeat.

The book shows you exactly why you feel the way you do with science. It isn't a fluffy "feel good" Wednesday and kill yourself on Thursday kind of thing. It actually will make you think about how you think.

I guarantee that you will find hope in that book.

Either way, I hope you're in a better place now than when you wrote your post and you can PM me any time too if you want to just shoot the you know what.

All the best.




Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on July 10, 2014, 01:25:47 PM
lol got picked up by the police the other day, they thought that i was gonna do something stupid
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on July 10, 2014, 02:07:31 PM
lol got picked up by the police the other day, they thought that i was gonna do something stupid

Hey man,

Just letting you know you've got people here that care about you and if you need to talk you know where you can find us.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on July 10, 2014, 02:10:23 PM
So over the passed few months I've developed a chronic cough and pain in my chest.

It baffles me that I keep getting weird things like this happen, I'm only 27!! Now I'm worried it could be something more concerning. The Walk-In doctors keep saying I'm fine, but they're not doing any kind of diagnostic! I'd rather be fine, then I wouldn't have to see those idiot doctors.

Anyway, we'll see what happens, I have an appointment on Monday with my GP, but it's definitely been weighing on my mind.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: moon111 on July 11, 2014, 06:50:36 AM
So over the passed few months I've developed a chronic cough and pain in my chest.

It baffles me that I keep getting weird things like this happen, I'm only 27!! Now I'm worried it could be something more concerning. The Walk-In doctors keep saying I'm fine, but they're not doing any kind of diagnostic! I'd rather be fine, then I wouldn't have to see those idiot doctors.

Anyway, we'll see what happens, I have an appointment on Monday with my GP, but it's definitely been weighing on my mind.
I was constantly coughing.  Doctor listened to my lungs, they sounded fine to him.  They did a chest x-ray, which was inconclusive.  That lead to a MRI, which found... a lump in my neck.  I'd swear it was my chest.  Have them look at your entire airway.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: pmrules on August 12, 2014, 09:47:27 AM
Given the events of the last 24 hours (RIP Robin Williams), I hope people are continuing to talk to their close ones.  If I can help in any way let me know.  I have 2 good ears and am willing to listen.  The Leafs...life in general... anything. 

I am not a doctor and I will not know exactly what you are going through, but I am here to listen - I know that even that may not be enough.

PM me if you would like to talk.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on August 12, 2014, 10:46:36 AM
Given the events of the last 24 hours (RIP Robin Williams), I hope people are continuing to talk to their close ones.  If I can help in any way let me know.  I have 2 good ears and am willing to listen.  The Leafs...life in general... anything. 

I am not a doctor and I will not know exactly what you are going through, but I am here to listen - I know that even that may not be enough.

PM me if you would like to talk.

I'd like to second that.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on August 12, 2014, 10:52:33 AM
You guys are awesome.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Britishbulldog on August 12, 2014, 11:13:41 AM
You guys are awesome.

I agree.  This is a really good community.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on August 15, 2014, 04:18:00 PM
I never talk to my family about this..
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on August 27, 2014, 12:54:24 PM
I never talk to my family about this..

I wish you could and hope one day you can Stebro. Their support would be huge.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on August 27, 2014, 02:23:32 PM
I never talk to my family about this..

I know it's very hard. I only have one or two family members I can really talk to this about. Depression clearly runs in the family, so luckily a couple of people understand that point.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on August 28, 2014, 12:47:27 PM
I just dont wanna be seen as some victim. I've had depression for over 10 years in a row now. And the doctors keep telling me I will get better and I don't believe them, and I don't trust their medication. In the past I used to think that "if only I got a new job, I'll get better...or if only this or that happend I'll get better", but the truth is it never does. I've been trying to go to speed dating a lot in the last 6 months or so to see if a relationship would make things better. But to sum everything up, I've said yes to seeing like 58 of all the girl's I've met, 57 said no. One said yes, but then started to avoid answering me once we were talking about meeting up. So I have no confidence whatsoever in that department either. So to sum everything up, I have no clue what to do anymore, and i'm pretty sure I will die in depression, it's just a matter of time. And people don't understand, I almost never smile or laugh, and people whine about it, and then they say that when they had depression they could smile and laugh, and they make it sound as if it's my choice. Life aint easy :-\
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AvroArrow on August 28, 2014, 04:04:45 PM
I just dont wanna be seen as some victim. I've had depression for over 10 years in a row now. And the doctors keep telling me I will get better and I don't believe them, and I don't trust their medication. In the past I used to think that "if only I got a new job, I'll get better...or if only this or that happend I'll get better", but the truth is it never does. I've been trying to go to speed dating a lot in the last 6 months or so to see if a relationship would make things better. But to sum everything up, I've said yes to seeing like 58 of all the girl's I've met, 57 said no. One said yes, but then started to avoid answering me once we were talking about meeting up. So I have no confidence whatsoever in that department either. So to sum everything up, I have no clue what to do anymore, and i'm pretty sure I will die in depression, it's just a matter of time. And people don't understand, I almost never smile or laugh, and people whine about it, and then they say that when they had depression they could smile and laugh, and they make it sound as if it's my choice. Life aint easy :-\

Shot in the dark, but have you looked at diet changes?  Specifically, at ensuring you have an adequate balance of intestinal bacteria?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Lynx on August 29, 2014, 08:20:21 AM
Something Stebro said is something that bothers me as well, especially about the recent marketing we have seen. I know they mean well, but when ads say things like 1 in 3 people will suffer from depression in their life it kind if trivializes it and I feel it makes people think that what they went through when they were feeling a little down is what it is like for people with real problems, when it is really much worse.

I hope that made sense, I'm writing this quickly on my phone.

And Stebro, I know it's tough, especially when you have nobody to talk to because you are worried they will treat you differently even though they mean well. All I can suggest is that if you have tried everything else then you might want to consider medication, as less than desirable as that may be. I know people who were worried they wouldn't be themselves ever again, but if you don't like it you can always stop taking it and you will become yourself again very quickly.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-T989 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on August 29, 2014, 10:20:05 AM
I just dont wanna be seen as some victim. I've had depression for over 10 years in a row now. And the doctors keep telling me I will get better and I don't believe them, and I don't trust their medication. In the past I used to think that "if only I got a new job, I'll get better...or if only this or that happend I'll get better", but the truth is it never does. I've been trying to go to speed dating a lot in the last 6 months or so to see if a relationship would make things better. But to sum everything up, I've said yes to seeing like 58 of all the girl's I've met, 57 said no. One said yes, but then started to avoid answering me once we were talking about meeting up. So I have no confidence whatsoever in that department either. So to sum everything up, I have no clue what to do anymore, and i'm pretty sure I will die in depression, it's just a matter of time. And people don't understand, I almost never smile or laugh, and people whine about it, and then they say that when they had depression they could smile and laugh, and they make it sound as if it's my choice. Life aint easy :-\

Well you're not a victim if it's something you can't control. It's hard, I know it is. I really get your overlap: Everything is amplified, especially when things go wrong or people dislike you, it feels like the end of the world, and it sucks.

Getting into a romantic relationship is not the way to go to treat yourself, Stebro. It's great being in a relationship, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of where I'm at right now: There are things I want to get a handle on beforehand.

I had medication before and found it didn't do much than to just kind of dull my thinking.

So yeah, I have no answers unfortunately. Just the ability to talk about my own experiences.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: cw on August 29, 2014, 12:20:32 PM
I just dont wanna be seen as some victim. I've had depression for over 10 years in a row now. And the doctors keep telling me I will get better and I don't believe them, and I don't trust their medication. In the past I used to think that "if only I got a new job, I'll get better...or if only this or that happend I'll get better", but the truth is it never does. I've been trying to go to speed dating a lot in the last 6 months or so to see if a relationship would make things better. But to sum everything up, I've said yes to seeing like 58 of all the girl's I've met, 57 said no. One said yes, but then started to avoid answering me once we were talking about meeting up. So I have no confidence whatsoever in that department either. So to sum everything up, I have no clue what to do anymore, and i'm pretty sure I will die in depression, it's just a matter of time. And people don't understand, I almost never smile or laugh, and people whine about it, and then they say that when they had depression they could smile and laugh, and they make it sound as if it's my choice. Life aint easy :-\

There's lots of help available on this. One thing you might consider is checking that out. Maybe you already have some and more is needed. And I don't mean just "go out and find a magic pill" It's a common illness that a lot of people have and finding out more about it can be helpful because you understand it better and more importantly, you learn what can be done about it better. Having said that, I realize that when you're in a funk, you don't always like to dwell on this stuff. It's just one idea for you to reconsider.

You can look up advice like this:
link (http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/01/18/9-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-when-you-have-depression/)
Generally, that's not bad advice though I have not scrutinized that particular article. It saves me some typing ...

I do like the idea of talking with someone about it because that can sometimes help. But if it's putting you into a downward spin, move on to other things for a while.

If the spirit is not feeling good, then addressing the physical side with eating and sleeping can definitely help.
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/diet-recovery
http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/getting/overcoming/tips
Chatting with a dietitian and/or a good homeopath for good supplements can help there for quality improvement that is convenient for you. There are sleep clinics that can help - and I don't mean popping sleeping pills.

Exercise produces endorphins and an overall improvement in your sense of wellbeing which help
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression

Those physical things help the brain and from that, your mood. It's a constructive step because you are taking care of you and you should feel better about that.

Some of their other points are sensible and also might help.

But the one I've found most useful for helping people feeling as you do is the "get moving" idea. Yes, it's easier said than done when you don't feel like it. But time and again, it's seemed to help.

If you're "busy", you don't have time to think about your mood, so the snowballing of a bad mood to a worse mood can get arrested and it improves your chances of going on to do something else constructive or something that makes you happier than you are.

What I've proposed is one writes down a list of stuff they might like to do. Maybe not too ambitious to start. You're not stuck with it as you can update it as other ideas pop into your head later. "Getting laid" might be on nearly every guys list but I'd leave that one for the moment as if you knock off the other things on your list, it may very well or eventually lead there.

These ideas can be pretty simple to start and might align with some of the above like
- going for a walk or a bike ride - exercise is good and so is the fresh air - maybe go watch some kids playing in a park or playing a game
- getting out to a restaurant you might be interested in checking out - you're getting out and also treating yourself to eating a good meal
- if you're looking for ideas for your list, check things like this out for your area (I realize you're on the other side of the pond)
http://www.nowtoronto.com/
http://www.toronto.com/articles/whats-on-this-week-in-toronto/
but I'm sure the newspapers in your area would have ideas like the above because they're trying to get people out to the events
(that list helped my marriage get out of a funk)
- volunteering is an awesome activity I think
http://www.volunteertoronto.ca/volunteers/
because you realize there are a lot of people worse off than you and you can get a great buzz helping them ... and in your case, your chances are better at meeting a nice girl who is helping people out.
- joining a sports or hobby club (a hobby you always wanted to do but never took the time) gets you doing things you like and integrating with new people
- maybe taking a course in some subject that always interested you - and you might connect with the students there as a new social outlet, and you might meet a nice girl there
- etc

If you do one of those things and it isn't your cup of tea, do something else. Maybe try a bunch to find which things work for you. I do like "new" things because you have little past association with them that might hang you up.

I'm sure is easy for me to say "get started" and not as easy for a depressed person to do but once you get moving, I think doing other things will get easier and you'll feel better.

It's not depressing to consider that the world is your oyster, Stebro, and you can do whatever you want. And the sooner you get moving doing the things you want to do, the sooner the clouds of depression will dissipate or lighten up.

Hope that helps. All the best.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Boston Leaf on August 29, 2014, 02:52:39 PM
Sad to read this... Stebro have you ever tried a 12 step program? Not sure it would help but definitely cant hurt. I have battled depression in and out for many years. A lot of mine stemmed from extremely low self esteem.. aslo getting beaten up emotionally by the nuns in grade school back in the 70's.. I then became addicted to gambling.. Ruined my life for years. Due to a 12 step program I have been clean a day at a time for almost 18 years. It defintitely helped me big time with my depression and anxiety. It is not totally gone but the lengths and severitys of the bouts are no one near what they once were.....
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on September 09, 2014, 03:28:48 PM
Stebro, some good advice here and I'll just add that just because you ask for help, doesn't make you a "victim". And I know what you are saying about not trusting the medication. My daughter has anxiety and believe me, in the beginning, I was adamant about no meds as well but when we saw the state that she was in, there was no other way. We have our daughter back and I can't tell you where she would have ended without it. She is in her final year of high school and progressing towards going to university. I know it's not the same for everyone, but it's worth the try.

Again, big hugs.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on September 09, 2014, 05:53:33 PM
I took medicine for a few months which helped me get grounded, then I stopped after that. There's no shame in it. I take medicine when I get any other illness.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Tigger on October 23, 2014, 03:14:30 PM
Great interview with Clint Malarchuk on Q this morning, talked openly about himself and his issues.

I think you can listen here...

http://www.cbc.ca/q/index.html
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on March 30, 2015, 02:11:05 PM
So i finally found a label to something i've experienced as a child that's unnerved me on so many nights growing up - Alice in Wonderland Syndrome.  All this time i thought it was just me, and 30 years later, I find out it's pretty common! 

I used to go to bed and strange, but not-yet terrifying sensations used to come over me.  It was sort of out of body accompanied by hallucinations of the impossibilities of the infinitely huge and of the preposterously tiny all at once.   Like the idea of balancing a planet on the head of a pin.  Often they would be accompanied by distortions of sound, perhaps the closing of a door somewhere else, but that sound would be magnified to anxiety producing levels in my mind, and sometimes, as someone else said, voices that sound like they are an echo of an echo.  Pretty disturbing for a little kid, i used to get dreadful feelings when it happened.  And as I used to be fascinated by my dad's OMNI and Science Digest magazines when i was little, all those sensations of spatial distortion coupled with whatever little i could understand from those magazines about quantum physics and atoms, it probably made things worse and could get rather frightening at times.
Apparently, it's believed to be caused by changes in the brain as one is going through childhood and affects perception, hence the Alice in Wonderland reference.  It went away by the time i reached high school though.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 31, 2015, 10:14:01 AM
One week ago today I poured gasoline all over myself and had the lighter in my hand when my wife jumped in.  Off to hospital I went for a week, 3 of those days on a Form 1, meaning I was locked in by a psychiatrist.  A week later, I feel like a new man - just discharged from hospital.  I need to get into a good routine of walking, healthy food, and getting up at the same time each morning.  It's been a scary ride, but I'm glad I didn't go through with it...
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Frank E on March 31, 2015, 11:09:58 AM
One week ago today I poured gasoline all over myself and had the lighter in my hand when my wife jumped in.  Off to hospital I went for a week, 3 of those days on a Form 1, meaning I was locked in by a psychiatrist.  A week later, I feel like a new man - just discharged from hospital.  I need to get into a good routine of walking, healthy food, and getting up at the same time each morning.  It's been a scary ride, but I'm glad I didn't go through with it...

Rick, let me say that I have no idea what it's like to feel that way. 

I'm certain that it takes great strength to deal with your illness, and I wish you the best with your fight.  Stay strong and keep fighting Rick. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on March 31, 2015, 11:31:21 AM
One week ago today I poured gasoline all over myself and had the lighter in my hand when my wife jumped in.  Off to hospital I went for a week, 3 of those days on a Form 1, meaning I was locked in by a psychiatrist.  A week later, I feel like a new man - just discharged from hospital.  I need to get into a good routine of walking, healthy food, and getting up at the same time each morning.  It's been a scary ride, but I'm glad I didn't go through with it...

Rick, let me say that I have no idea what it's like to feel that way. 

I'm certain that it takes great strength to deal with your illness, and I wish you the best with your fight.  Stay strong and keep fighting Rick. 


My goodness Rick, God must have been with you, you're incredibly lucky that your wife came out just in time.

Keep up and keep strong, and never give up.  Godspeed.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rick Couchman on March 31, 2015, 11:45:42 AM

Rick, let me say that I have no idea what it's like to feel that way. 

I'm certain that it takes great strength to deal with your illness, and I wish you the best with your fight.  Stay strong and keep fighting Rick.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  I'm not actively suicidal anymore, but depressed as hell and still on a pocket full of meds daily.  Thanks!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on March 31, 2015, 11:56:47 AM
Speaking on the subject of anxiety and depression, it is now known that the co-pilot who intentionally crashed the Germanwings airplane carrying all 150 people on board to a horrifying death, had mental illness problems and was deemed mentally unfit to fly an aircraft.

Andreas Lubitz, a 27 yr. old with plenty of training & flying experience, locked the cockpit door of the Germanwings airliner to keep out the captain (pilot) who had transferred controls to Lubitz after leaving his seat briefly (possibly for the lavatory or other important errand, it's not clear).  The cockpit door was made of steel and kevlar and could not be opened from the exterior, only from the interior of the cockpit.  Therefore, Lubitz seemed to have had every intention of wrongdoing and plunged the plane from a high of 35,000 feet,  crashing the plane and all screaming passengers into smithereens right into the mountains of the French Alps.

There is nothing more terrifying than not being able to stop what you know will be imminent death, particularly in an aircraft literally falling from the sky.

Lubitz, according to media reports, had flown before, but his mental problems were unbeknownsed to Lufthansa (Germanwings parent company).  Investigators searched the home of Lubitz and found disconcerting proof that Lubitz had these recurrent problems and medical papers indicated that he had been ordered to stop flying by his doctors.

As of yesterday, CNN reported that Lubitz, according to sources, had a fear of losing his pilot license if he came forward with his medical/psychiatric problems.

Nevertheless, the families of loved ones who lost their lives in this senseless act, are planning to sue Lufthansa due to oversight on ignoring or not checking any medical records that should have or should be included in the general checkup of a pilot alongside his training record, flight experience, and any other thorough checklist that should be there.

Perhaps if Lufthansa had done what the people say they should have, this may not have happened.  Or, perhaps it might have just the same.  There is no easy answer.   Now, about that cockpit door....

Sources:  CBC, CNN
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on April 03, 2015, 07:08:29 PM
Rick, you are in my thoughts Hun. Just know that there are many people that care about you!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: ThatLeafsFan on August 10, 2017, 05:22:05 PM
Hey everyone sorry to dig up an old thread, but felt it was better than making a new one.

Back in June I was in the hospital because I was having symptoms such as rapid heart rate, rapid breathing, got very dry (mouth, lips, throat got tight)  and felt dizzy and light headed. They did blood work and an EKG and didn't find anything of concern except my blood sugar was at 10.3, which the dr figured it was due to the symptoms I was having and suggested I get a fasting blood sugar test done.

This past Tuesday as I was getting ready for work, I started to have similiar symptoms but not as severe, rapid breathing, rapid heart rate, dull pressure at the center of my chest and dizzyness. I went to the hospital and they did the same tests, blood work and EKG, which came back good, blood sugar was at a good level also (5.9).

The dr Tuesday suggested it could be stress and anxiety causing this issues. I am still feeling the same dull pressure at the center of my chest and breathing is good but sometimes feels like there is a lump in my throat or its a bit harder to breathe.

The dr also thought it could have been dehydration or heat exhaustion, was scheduled to work nights this week, worked the first one Monday, then when I was getting ready to goto work Tuesday the above happened. I've been off work since I went to the hospital. Tonight was my last night shift so now I'm on scheduled days off from next Friday.

I don't have a family dr yet, I have an appt Aug 22nd for a meet and greet to get one. It's been now almost 48 hrs since the last major episode, and I'm getting very frustrated feeling like this, worried if I eat will that trigger it more, I've been drinking lots of water and still have been eating, although not much today for food. I find if I'm alone it's worse, I think about all this too much and I think it's causing it to not get better, but I don't know what to do. I feel like posting here is an outlet and maybe get some opinions from others that have been through this or going through it.

I don't think there really has been any added stress in my life recently, i try not to let stress get to me, current life changing things going on that I do think about a lot is I'm looking to sell my condo and buy a house, I guess I do worry about applying for a new mortgage, making sure I can afford the house I get when I do, property taxes, the area I buy in is safe to live in etc.

Any thoughts or opinions that could help me would be appreciated, thanks!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: WhatIfGodWasALeaf on August 10, 2017, 11:05:01 PM
Is there no way to get an emergency appointment given your predicament? If not, I'd consider going back to the hospital and explaining your situation. If you have proof of your appointment, ask them if they can prescribe something to perhaps calm you when these symptoms return?

Leaving you without treatment for two weeks is unacceptable.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: ThatLeafsFan on August 11, 2017, 02:11:24 AM
Yea, I'm thinking of maybe going back to the hospital, it's getting scary feeling like this, I don't like it. Just an hour ago I had another episode, I was sitting on the couch watching tv, hadn't moved off the couch in 30 mins and I felt a cold wave starting at my head/shoulders and go down my body, then heart started beating fast and after I got all shaky and cold. Tested my blood sugar and it was good.

Took about 15 mins to feel back to normal, and feeling normal now, but makes me worry its also something else.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on August 11, 2017, 12:19:16 PM
Those sound like anxiety symptoms (I'm not a doctor). ER is likely to try to address the physiological causes, but there may not be any apparent ones causing your stress response hormones to kick into overdrive.

I think it would be worthwhile to speak to a therapist or counselor. Even if it ends up being something else, you might be able to learn some management techniques (breathing regulation, self-talk, etc.).
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: ThatLeafsFan on August 15, 2017, 11:35:00 AM
Thanks Herman, I've been to the quick care clinic and hospital again over the weekend, it's really getting frustrating.

All I've been doing the last week is laying in bed or sitting on the couch feeling like this. Sunday when I went to the hospital they did a bunch of tests that came back good, gave me a zantac and it seemed to help a lot, not sure if it was the zantac or just being at the hospital that put my mind at ease. Last night I started to feel better around 10pm (same time I started feeling better at the hospital Sunday). Is it possible it's really bad in the morning and then gets better during the day?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on August 15, 2017, 11:56:45 AM
Thanks Herman, I've been to the quick care clinic and hospital again over the weekend, it's really getting frustrating.

All I've been doing the last week is laying in bed or sitting on the couch feeling like this. Sunday when I went to the hospital they did a bunch of tests that came back good, gave me a zantac and it seemed to help a lot, not sure if it was the zantac or just being at the hospital that put my mind at ease. Last night I started to feel better around 10pm (same time I started feeling better at the hospital Sunday). Is it possible it's really bad in the morning and then gets better during the day?

From everyone I've talked to going through similar things, there's almost no rhyme or reason that's easily discernible. Some did log everything they ate and experienced religiously to try to source the issue, but I'd imagine that'd be a stressor as well. The anxiety triggered a cascade of physiological symptoms that masked the root cause.

What helped was knowing they weren't alone in what they went through, talking it out with professionals they could trust (psychiatrists, psychologists), and changing up the routine with something they enjoyed doing. Illness is not a weakness, and medicine to address the symptoms can go a long way to helping you get back into game shape.

I must stress again that I'm not a professional at this stuff in any way, but I'd be happy to talk things over anytime that I can, and I'm sure others here would do the same.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AvroArrow on August 15, 2017, 12:11:51 PM
Leafaholic, does your company have any kind of employee assistance plan?  If so, they might be able to help you get in touch with a psychologist/psychiatrist.

Will the emerg/hospital not connect you with one?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: ThatLeafsFan on August 16, 2017, 05:08:15 PM
Thanks guys for your input, it is helping me out.

I'm hoping, in some twisted way it is anxiety and not another health issue. I think what is feeding the anxiety is after the first couple of episodes that happened, I've been worried it's a cardiac issue or something. I was at the hospital, a different one this time, last night and they did the EKG, blood work again, as well as a CT of my abdomen and chest and everything came back good. They made me an appointment for Friday AM with their internal medicine department to look further into this.

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat normal, the tightness in my chest wasn't nearly as bad, and other symptoms weren't there. As the day has gone on though, the tightness came back a bit when I went to the store, I also seem to be short of breath easily and have little energy, the little energy could be coming from eating only a little the last 4 or 5 days. Hopefully i can get some good answers Friday.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Britishbulldog on August 16, 2017, 10:02:55 PM
Thanks guys for your input, it is helping me out.

I'm hoping, in some twisted way it is anxiety and not another health issue. I think what is feeding the anxiety is after the first couple of episodes that happened, I've been worried it's a cardiac issue or something. I was at the hospital, a different one this time, last night and they did the EKG, blood work again, as well as a CT of my abdomen and chest and everything came back good. They made me an appointment for Friday AM with their internal medicine department to look further into this.

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat normal, the tightness in my chest wasn't nearly as bad, and other symptoms weren't there. As the day has gone on though, the tightness came back a bit when I went to the store, I also seem to be short of breath easily and have little energy, the little energy could be coming from eating only a little the last 4 or 5 days. Hopefully i can get some good answers Friday.

As CEO of a small media company I had similar things happening to me in 2013 into 2014.  It was completely anxiety driven which I didn't fully realize.  Chest pains, shortness of breath, tough to swallow, even arthritis that flared into gout.  I had been feeling caught in the company with no way out.  After stepping down June 2014 and taking deliberate steps to address some areas of my life it has gotten almost back to where it used to be many years ago before I got bought out and ran a mom and pop recording studio with my wife.

If you ever want to pm me I will respond when I see it.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on August 17, 2017, 01:10:11 PM
Leafaholic99, thinking of you. It does sound like some anxiety. My daughter has generalized anxiety. It can just pop up out of nowhere. Definitely talk to someone (counsellor, dr, etc..) it really helps. Lots of support and we're always here. Good luck!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on August 17, 2017, 02:38:11 PM
I've been quiet about it, but I've had a rough year. It's been 20 years (when I was 18) since I've had suicidal thoughts, but I've had two rough bouts in the last couple of months that have shaken me to the core. When my depression gets rough, it's normal for me to have thoughts of dying, but these are usually passive thoughts. e.g. "I wish I was dead and the pain would be gone". But lately, it's been active thoughts; actual urges.

I don't wish this on anyone. I'm grateful I have a son, because if I didn't, I'm not sure I'd still be here.

I'm feeling alright today, but damn it's getting harder to keep buried inside.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: bustaheims on August 17, 2017, 03:18:42 PM
Went through something very similar about 2 years ago, Bullfrog. I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't know/haven't heard before, but, don't keep things buried inside. As hard as it is, and as much as I know you don't want to do it, address them head on. Burying them just means they come back. Get whatever help you need. We're all here for you.

On a personal note, I've started the process of getting off antidepressants this week, so, fingers crossed.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Peter D. on August 17, 2017, 03:53:09 PM
Leafaholic99, what you are experiencing is similar to what I was going through five years ago.  Like others have stated from the outset, by no means am I a doctor, but just putting forth my similar story to perhaps shed some light.

I've always been a worry wart, but I never experienced what I did before.  I'd have these heart palpitations that made me really uncomfortable, fearing I'd have a heart attack.  Problem is, your mind is such a powerful thing that once you start thinking about it and paying attention to it, it makes things worse.  I'd fear the next palpitation, and the next, and so on.  I'd literally sit on the kid's mats in my house in the fetal position trying to control myself.  It'd take me forever to sleep at night thinking that would be the last time I'd close my eyes.

For me, it all stemmed from work.  It was poisonous, and it really affected me.  I was also a new father, so my wife thought it might also be paternal postpartum depression, but a visit to my doctor ruled it out.  I did an ECG, and that doctor said my heart actually gets stronger with more exercise, so that eased my fear of imminently keeling over while doing strenuous activities/sports.  Thankfully that was the case, because prior to that I would be playing hockey and I could barely function.  Didn't want to exert myself much in fear I'd have a heart attack.

Besides any potential health issues you may have that a trip to a doctor will hopefully reveal, look around and see if there are new/additional stressors in your life.  Something that you may be subconsciously thinking about.  Could be work, home life, financial, etc.     
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rob on August 17, 2017, 04:02:55 PM
Last August had something very similar happen.  Was at work and had the boss call 911 because I thought I was having a heart attack.  Ambulance ride to ER and full tests showed nothing.  Wore a heart monitor for a weekend and showed nothing.

Turns out it was stress induced anxiety.  So I quit my job because I wasn't enjoying it in the least. 

Couple of things I have found that have really helped are reading and listening and watching Eckhart Tolle.  The Power Of Now was a pretty big help.

Also another book I picked up was The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin.  Another invaluable resource. 

Please everyone, get all the help you can get.  Suffering in silence is not necessary.  If anyone just needs to talk, send me a PM.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rob on August 17, 2017, 04:06:56 PM
Oh and in my profeshunal opinion, this all stems from us being Leafs fans.    ;D
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Wendel's Fist on September 09, 2017, 01:43:18 PM
I agree with what Guru said about Eckhart Tolle. I don't think anything has helped me as much as his books and videos.

The only thing I would suggest for anyone new to Eckhart or anyone who might be struggling with The Power Of Now book, is to start with his other book, A New Earth, first. The reason I say that is because The Power Of Now is set up as a question and answer type of thing so if you don't get what he's asking you to do to begin with, reading answers to questions about it, can be confusing for some. I personally know people that couldn't get through the Power Of Now but loved A New Earth, and finally were able to love the Power Of Now as much, when they read it second.

Anyway, I know the pit of despair is deep so good luck to anyone who's going through that right now. If you haven't tried Eckhart Tolle yet, check him out. It certainly won't hurt things.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: ThatLeafsFan on September 11, 2017, 10:14:25 AM
I'd like to thank everyone for their suggestions or lending and ear to listen to me.

I've contacted my Employee Assistance Program today at work to get an appointment to talk to a counselor, awaiting to hear back from the counselor to make an appointment to go see them.

It's been a long month of little to no relief and it has been very frustrating. Thanks again everyone.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on October 07, 2017, 08:29:47 AM
I've discovered a podcast called The Hilarious World of Depression. I'm only a couple of episodes in, but I have to say I've found it helpful. Things have been really rough lately and listening to this makes me feel that there are people out there that understand......and it's got funny moments, which are always good.

Try it out.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on November 25, 2017, 04:50:06 AM
A quick hello from to those who remember me. I'm still a Leafs die-hard and I'm thrilled with the now long - standing direction of the team.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a little more than a year ago.  Meds are helping somewhat but I'm still not talking to anyone. I know I need to but for now, I'm trying to make do.

Anyway, just thought I'd reach out and say hi... Hope santa brings us a defenseman ☺
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: princedpw on November 25, 2017, 09:35:32 AM
A quick hello from to those who remember me. I'm still a Leafs die-hard and I'm thrilled with the now long - standing direction of the team.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a little more than a year ago.  Meds are helping somewhat but I'm still not talking to anyone. I know I need to but for now, I'm trying to make do.

Anyway, just thought I'd reach out and say hi... Hope santa brings us a defenseman ☺

Keep battling buddy.  You will get through it. And feel free to join the conversation, especially those game threads more often.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Frank E on November 25, 2017, 09:41:38 AM
A quick hello from to those who remember me. I'm still a Leafs die-hard and I'm thrilled with the now long - standing direction of the team.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a little more than a year ago.  Meds are helping somewhat but I'm still not talking to anyone. I know I need to but for now, I'm trying to make do.

Anyway, just thought I'd reach out and say hi... Hope santa brings us a defenseman ☺

Good to hear from you, Sarge.  I suppose this is a good step in starting to talk to people again.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Rob on November 25, 2017, 11:48:29 AM
A quick hello from to those who remember me. I'm still a Leafs die-hard and I'm thrilled with the now long - standing direction of the team.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a little more than a year ago.  Meds are helping somewhat but I'm still not talking to anyone. I know I need to but for now, I'm trying to make do.

Anyway, just thought I'd reach out and say hi... Hope santa brings us a defenseman ☺

Good to see you Sarge.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on November 25, 2017, 03:12:31 PM
A quick hello from to those who remember me. I'm still a Leafs die-hard and I'm thrilled with the now long - standing direction of the team.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a little more than a year ago.  Meds are helping somewhat but I'm still not talking to anyone. I know I need to but for now, I'm trying to make do.

Anyway, just thought I'd reach out and say hi... Hope santa brings us a defenseman ☺

Drop in anytime, man.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on November 25, 2017, 03:13:22 PM
A quick hello from to those who remember me. I'm still a Leafs die-hard and I'm thrilled with the now long - standing direction of the team.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression a little more than a year ago.  Meds are helping somewhat but I'm still not talking to anyone. I know I need to but for now, I'm trying to make do.

Anyway, just thought I'd reach out and say hi... Hope santa brings us a defenseman ☺

Good to see you Sarge.
Seconded!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on November 25, 2017, 03:16:56 PM
I'm doing good right now, and have been having a good month. Overall, this has been my worst year in 20 years, with two very dark periods in particular.

I've seen my physician 4 times in a month for routine stuff, blood work, catch up on vaccines, sprained ankle. Each time I got in within a week. When I felt like I wanted to die? That'll be a 7 month wait...

This system is horribly broken.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on November 25, 2017, 03:56:28 PM
Glad you’re doing better, Bullfrog.

If you’re in the Toronto area, there’s a number to call if you have thoughts of dying: 416-408-4357(HELP)
More info: https://www.torontodistresscentre.com/

From what I’ve heard from my friends going through similar things, physicians are generally ill-equipped to handle the non-mechanical health issues they face.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on November 25, 2017, 04:49:04 PM
Depends on the physician, I suppose. My new one is younger (40 ish) and was infinitely better than my old one. Unfortunately, there isn't a mental health professional in my new family health network, so I've had to be referred to another facility.

I saw somebody in February and she was amazing, but it was private care and I just can't afford $150/hr. 

This is a great resource for anyone experiencing depression, not just men.
https://headsupguys.org/
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: L K on November 25, 2017, 07:54:07 PM
Depends on the physician, I suppose. My new one is younger (40 ish) and was infinitely better than my old one. Unfortunately, there isn't a mental health professional in my new family health network, so I've had to be referred to another facility.

I saw somebody in February and she was amazing, but it was private care and I just can't afford $150/hr. 

This is a great resource for anyone experiencing depression, not just men.
https://headsupguys.org/

Yeah Psychiatry support is abysmal.  I have a few social workers in my office group to provide CBT support but if you want to see a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist I’m lucky if I can get appointments within 3 months if you aren’t actively suicidal.  More and more even in the ER setting I’m finding it harder to get psychiatry support.  It’s a huge problem.  Mental health funding is grossly underfunded
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Sarge on November 25, 2017, 08:28:19 PM
Thank you all for the kinds words.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on November 30, 2017, 03:10:31 PM
Hugs to everyone dealing with this. It's a struggle and one I don't wish on anybody.

My daughter was diagnosed with generalized anxiety at 15. She got in to see a child psychiatrist so fast due to her age. Even when she turned 18, her Dr kept her on until she started university that fall, just to make sure she was doing well. Unfortunately, after that, she had to just go through her family Dr and get a referral for another psychiatrist now that she's an adult.

Thankfully, her child psychiatrist had set her up so well and with all the support she had through her CYW in high school, now at Uni and the support from myself, hubby and her siblings - she's been able to continue on with no ill effects. It's really scary in the beginning, but it does take time.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Gilmour the Great on November 30, 2017, 05:29:45 PM
This is a great thread. I haven't posted much in recent years but I've been reading regularly since penaltybox.com (used to be Renburger) and the outlet and support I see here reminds of me all the best things about TMLFans (still think about you Sakura, Mr T and cw). Best wishes to all who have recently posted, I have struggled with depression at times and have found that the more you do the right things to control it (seeking and accepting help are high on the list) the easier it tends to get.

I'm far from a psychiatrist, but I personally found that things got easier once I forgave myself for being depressed (my depressed mind considered itself to be weak) in the first place. There is no shame in a broken arm and there is no shame in depression or anxiety. Both can usually be fixed with the help of medicine and/or healthy rehabilitation.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: WhatIfGodWasALeaf on February 01, 2018, 12:43:10 PM
This was excellent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9PJfxdZyRQ&t=0s
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on February 23, 2018, 07:53:39 PM
For those of you who suffer from this I do truly commiserate, if you go through the pain of every day Depression long term I can only imagine the strength it takes to keep living day by day.

It is said that all men consider suicide at least 3 times over a lifetime and I think that is about right, as I know I have.  For most of you I am a Monkey (the Joker) on this site, as I am by birth on the Chinese calendar. 
The truth is I recently went through my worst bout with Depression in my life (with a capital D as it deserves this), and it lasted for 8 months and some days are still bad.  I found out about a heart issue, not likely to kill me anytime soon but enough to rock the boat, and then two hurricanes wiped out my territories and a year of hard earned income.  I spent a long time in the bottom of the rocking vessel for sure, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

For those of your with clinical Depression, I can only imagine what hardships you have.
For me I had to make a living and have been forced to become creative and entrepreneurial to survive, I found a few things to promote and have worked hard to keep providing for my family and to ensure a positive old age.
I am not sure I will ever stop working, but have met with some success in these endeavors, the darkness and fog is lifting.
For those of you that remain trapped in this state, I quote Sir Winston, you can "Never never Surrender" you must never give up.
Life is to precious and happens only once (as we know it). We have so much love to share and we must share it.
Sorry if this sound silly but I have to say this now, and I consider all of you my brothers and sisters on this site. (even Nik)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on February 23, 2018, 10:47:51 PM
Thank you for sharing, Highlander. It couldn’t have been easy to go through all that and be vulnerable enough to share it here.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on February 24, 2018, 09:00:03 AM
I echo herman's statement. I hope things keep looking up for you.

I've been on quite a journey the last year. I've always had depression (since my mid-teens at least), but it's usually been manageable. Back in May and June I had some really rough times that motivated me to finally get treatment.

There is an open counselling centre, so I went there, but I'm not eligible for free treatment. Since I can't afford private counselling, I searched for other options.

I saw my new physician and explained my troubles. She was really good, but there's no mental health professionals in my health network. So, she referred me to a publicly-funded mental health out-patient centre. From the referral date, it took five months for first contact with this centre, which was for a welcome workshop. This workshop is a group presentation on what mental health is, treatment options, confidentiality, other community resources, etc. After that it took two more months to see a decision-guide. This guide discussions the issues and treatment options, and then recommends a type of treatment. I've now been referred to a psycho-therapist for CBT. Estimated time to first appointment is 4-5 months.

I love living in Canada and I generally have faith in our health care system. But, access to mental health services is absolutely a national embarrassment. There are resources for crises, which is good, but someone in chronic pain (and this is exactly what depression is) has to wait for far too long for treatment.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on February 24, 2018, 11:19:59 AM
Thanks for letting me know that Bullfrog. Most of us suffer our bouts of depression silently only sharing with spouse or very close friends, if at all.
I didn't know this about our health care system and it very concerning to find out that you can get a carbuncle on you butt treated way faster than a problem with depression.  Things have to change.
I do feel fortunate as my depressions have always been like dark clouds that eventually blow over even though the bad weather can last a long time, it has always dissipated thank God.
For people like Bullfrog, my heart goes out to you all.
Life is so precious to lose any time to this illness is a gigantic waste.
Title: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: WhatIfGodWasALeaf on February 24, 2018, 01:45:09 PM
Glad to hear you’re on the rebound Highlander, all our sparring on here aside I really value the light hearted silliness you bring to the site and wish you all the health and happiness in the world.

Bullfrog, glad to hear you’re improving/seeking out treatment too. I’ve struggled with depression on and off too since I was a teenager, to the point of being suicidal many times. One of the things that gets me out of it is adherence to the things I learned when going through CBT.

Lastly, I’ve accepted that depression will be with me most of my life, it’ll always be in my car so to speak, the key is to never let it drive the car.

Love to you all, cheers.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on February 24, 2018, 07:09:58 PM
Thanks  WIGWL,  most appreciated.  The funny thing is moving forward with these new projects, some doors seem to be magically opening.  It is certainly encouraging when a few months back I didn't see the light.  You just can't give up. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on February 28, 2018, 01:56:47 PM
I don't know how available this will be to most people, but the company I work for just signed up with workhealthlife.com, an Employee and Family Assistance Program (EFAP). At no cost to the employee (and pretty nominal for the employer), they and their dependents get app level access to resources and direct communication with medical professionals for just about anything health, stress, anxiety, nutrition, legal advice, addiction -related.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on February 28, 2018, 04:29:58 PM
I don't know how available this will be to most people, but the company I work for just signed up with workhealthlife.com, an Employee and Family Assistance Program (EFAP). At no cost to the employee (and pretty nominal for the employer), they and their dependents get app level access to resources and direct communication with medical professionals for just about anything health, stress, anxiety, nutrition, legal advice, addiction -related.
Herman you actually work for a living, I thought you were hard wired to TML and The Athletic?   ;)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on June 10, 2018, 01:03:15 PM
Very sad to see Antony Bourdain commit suicide, last guy on the planet I thought would do it. Again how much do we know anyone?
Must say I absolutely loved his show, his books and actually crossed paths with him once.  :'(
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on April 08, 2019, 12:48:40 PM
There is so much to unpack in this article, but it explains my brain in such a lucid (and vivid) manner. The author makes a good point about the sensationalism around a celebrity's death and the subsequent and fervent calls to action that follow. But for others, the thoughts of suicide (in my and the author's case), are chronic, yet passive. It's not "I want to kill myself", it's "I don't want to live."

The Outline: I am not always very attached to being alive; Anna Borges (https://theoutline.com/post/7267/living-with-passive-suicidal-ideation)

Quote
I wish there was a nicer way to say this, but I don’t always want to be alive. Right now, I don’t actively want to kill myself — I don’t have a plan, I don’t check the majority of the boxes on lists of warning signs of suicide, I have a life I enjoy and I’m curious about the future — but the fact remains, I don’t always feel strongly about being alive and sometimes, on particularly bad days, I truly want to die.

Quote
Because I can manage it [chronic, passive suicidal ideation], and the ocean is nice sometimes. The sun comes out and the current calms, and I can find peace in the drifting. Maybe there isn’t hope of land in the distance; maybe sometimes there is. Maybe that’s not the point.

Perhaps what I’m looking for isn’t land at all, but other people out here with me. Trying, and treading, and learning to live in the water.

One factor in my life story living with depression is the lack of social connectedness. It's an issue that pervades our modern society. Loneliness in such a technologically connected world is a plague. I can't tell you how important participating in tmlfans.ca is to my life. It's a means for me to connect. I've never met a single person in real life from this site, but I've had casual conversations and discussions for almost 20 years now.

Here's "In a Nutshell" describing loneliness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Xv_g3g-mA

Reach out. Stay strong.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on April 08, 2019, 01:40:49 PM
Thanks for sharing so vulnerably, Bullfrog.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on April 08, 2019, 02:02:40 PM
Very sad to see Antony Bourdain commit suicide, last guy on the planet I thought would do it. Again how much do we know anyone?
Must say I absolutely loved his show, his books and actually crossed paths with him once.  :'(

I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on April 08, 2019, 02:07:53 PM
There is so much to unpack in this article, but it explains my brain in such a lucid (and vivid) manner. The author makes a good point about the sensationalism around a celebrity's death and the subsequent and fervent calls to action that follow. But for others, the thoughts of suicide (in my and the author's case), are chronic, yet passive. It's not "I want to kill myself", it's "I don't want to live."

The Outline: I am not always very attached to being alive; Anna Borges (https://theoutline.com/post/7267/living-with-passive-suicidal-ideation)

Quote
I wish there was a nicer way to say this, but I don’t always want to be alive. Right now, I don’t actively want to kill myself — I don’t have a plan, I don’t check the majority of the boxes on lists of warning signs of suicide, I have a life I enjoy and I’m curious about the future — but the fact remains, I don’t always feel strongly about being alive and sometimes, on particularly bad days, I truly want to die.

Quote
Because I can manage it [chronic, passive suicidal ideation], and the ocean is nice sometimes. The sun comes out and the current calms, and I can find peace in the drifting. Maybe there isn’t hope of land in the distance; maybe sometimes there is. Maybe that’s not the point.

Perhaps what I’m looking for isn’t land at all, but other people out here with me. Trying, and treading, and learning to live in the water.

One factor in my life story living with depression is the lack of social connectedness. It's an issue that pervades our modern society. Loneliness in such a technologically connected world is a plague. I can't tell you how important participating in tmlfans.ca is to my life. It's a means for me to connect. I've never met a single person in real life from this site, but I've had casual conversations and discussions for almost 20 years now.

Here's "In a Nutshell" describing loneliness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Xv_g3g-mA

Reach out. Stay strong.

I read this article - it's pretty powerful. I agree with the sentiments here, we focus so strongly on either or, A or B, happy or depressed and it's kind of wrongheaded in a way and I think lots of people slip through the cracks. I connect pretty strongly with this article depending on how I feel. I don't feel it right this second but sometimes when it's a miserable day and I'm slogging away at work and it feels like I'm just going backwards I get there and that's when I feel disconnected and, like the author says, out in the middle of the ocean without a lifejacket. I think it really drives home the need for good, strong connections between people and open discussion about this kind of feeling people get.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on April 08, 2019, 02:22:42 PM
I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Guilt Trip on April 08, 2019, 03:05:34 PM
Thx for sharing Bullfrog.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: 50 Mission Cap on July 14, 2019, 04:48:06 PM
I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on July 14, 2019, 04:58:04 PM
And thanks for sharing, Kevin. Sharing is also courageous. We're glad to have you back.


I'm at an interesting point. I'm healthier than I've been in a long time; aside from a rough day here-and-there, no major depression. My last appointment with my therapist was on Friday where he discussed discharging me as a patient.

What a scary thought. Being let loose because I'm healthy has caused my anxiety to rise a bit.....but of course I'm able to manage it better now because of the therapy.

I've decided to volunteer as a peer support worker in order to stay involved. During my therapy, I've discovered my strong calling to help people. I don't have the time or resources to switch careers at this point, but I'm looking forward to it.

I've been warned that relapses will occur, and I imagine this is where some similarities with addition come in.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bates on July 14, 2019, 05:18:33 PM
I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Good luck to you and keep on talking.  Whatever it takes to keep you moving. I am lucky enough to not have any demon addictions but have watched lives slip away. Stay strong and never be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: princedpw on July 14, 2019, 05:44:46 PM
I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Thanks for sharing.  All the best.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Britishbulldog on July 14, 2019, 07:24:06 PM

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Thanks for sharing!

You will be in my thoughts and prayers in New Brunswick, Canada
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on July 14, 2019, 09:17:25 PM
Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Sorry to hear you've had a tough go of it but I'm glad to hear you're fighting the fight and getting yourself into a better place. I've had family members go through a similar battle so I know you've got a tough road ahead but I also know that there can be light at the end of that tunnel. I think I can speak for the old timers here when I say we're rooting for you and that if you ever need to drop a line to chat, you're always welcome. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Guilt Trip on July 14, 2019, 10:30:32 PM
Thanks for sharing Kevin. Sending you positive vibes and wishing you the best!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: WhatIfGodWasALeaf on July 14, 2019, 10:57:58 PM
Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Sorry to hear you've had a tough go of it but I'm glad to hear you're fighting the fight and getting yourself into a better place. I've had family members go through a similar battle so I know you've got a tough road ahead but I also know that there can be light at the end of that tunnel. I think I can speak for the old timers here when I say we're rooting for you and that if you ever need to drop a line to chat, you're always welcome.

+1

Pulling for you old buddy. PM’s are always there if you need to vent.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on July 15, 2019, 08:00:58 AM
Thank you for sharing, Kevin. That is very brave.
This disease does not own you or define you.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Boston Leaf on July 15, 2019, 08:55:49 AM
I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

Keep fighting Kevin, you are worth it.. I have battled a gambling addiction my whole life. I identify totally with lost marriage, loss of friends, loss of job etc.. I have been clean over 22 years but still make at least 3 meetings a week. Ya never know.. Keep at it Kevin, glad you are talking about it
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: LittleHockeyFan on July 15, 2019, 10:53:29 AM
How incredibly brave and courageous of you, Kevin.

wishing you all the best xoxo
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Zee on July 15, 2019, 01:14:43 PM
I know this is late, but I loved him, he was by far my favourite TV personality today and one of my favourite all time. Seemed like such a cool, true, authentic guy. Unfortunately after reading Kitchen Confidential and later Medium Raw you could see that there was always a chance of something like this happening (he idolized Hunter S Thompson when he was young) and while he seemed to have gotten his life back on track sometimes something just pushes you in the wrong direction. It's a shame.

Yeah, I mean, one of the things I always admired about him was his openness and honesty and one of the things he was always open and honest about was his history of depression and struggles with addiction.

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin

I echo the thoughts of others on here Kevin, we're all behind you to keep fighting the good fight. Hour by hour, day by day you can tackle this thing.  You'll find nothing but support in these boards.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on July 15, 2019, 03:57:24 PM
I wish you all the best, Kevin, in your fight against this disease.  Good to know that you’re getting better and getting your life together.

Godspeed to you and always feel free to share & chat.  We’ll always be here for you.  That’s what (online) friends are for, too.  :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on July 16, 2019, 09:51:38 PM
It’s been 8 years since I last posted here.  Going through some rough times and remembering this thread, I came looking for inspiration and surprised to see it’s still up fresh.  I read through all 25 pages today.   I don’t know you but whether you’re still dealing with it or living in the sunshine, you’re still here and that means you’re winning and that gives me hope.  Even that bit from Highlander about 3 bouts of suicidal ideation on avg  is inspiration in a wierd way.   I guess I’m on my second and odds are I should get through this and wait for the 3rd.   By then, Hopefulyl my girls are no longer needing me. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: sucka on July 16, 2019, 10:03:43 PM

[/quote]

Full disclosure, I'm an alcoholic. It explains my absence for so long. I went to treatment in September 2016 after being admitted to hospital in very rough shape. My liver and pancreas were failing. I've spent since then battling my addiction. I attend AA 5 times a week, see an addictions counselor once a week.

But this disease is insidious. It's always waiting to get it's claws back into you. It's cost me my marriage and a few friends along the way. Last October I relapsed after just over 2 years of sobriety. I continued until April 11 when I checked myself into the Pembroke hospital to go into their monitored withdrawal protocol. I've been sober since then. But I've found it very tough. In AA we call it white knuckling it. So I took matters into my hands. Determined to finally give it up for good. As I write this I'm in rehab. On Wednesday I checked myself into a treatment facility in North Bay for 21 days.

Sharing for a lot of addicts is a form of recovery. Talking openly and honestly about our addiction helps us to find peace. It's also good for those who suffer in silence to hear that there is hope. And putting up your hand to ask for help is the most courageous thing you can do.

I can't guarantee I'll be sober forever. No addict can. But I guarantee that I'll fight like the devil to get my life to where I know it can be. A better a version of me.

Thanks for listening.

Kevin
[/quote]
I’m doing more than listening.   If u can pull through then that means can we can too.  Keep fighting bro, don’t let us down!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: 50 Mission Cap on July 30, 2019, 04:54:35 PM
Well after 21 long and hard days, I'm back home. Looking forward to a fresh start.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Guilt Trip on July 30, 2019, 04:58:14 PM
Well after 21 long and hard days, I'm back home. Looking forward to a fresh start.
Excellent. You can do this!! Best wishes moving forward.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Zee on August 27, 2019, 01:57:42 PM
Never had to deal with this before but here goes.  Last night I received terrible news about a friend I've known for over 30 years.  We used to hang out a lot, but as time goes on and you have your own families you tend to drift apart.  Would see him maybe 1-2 times a year recently where we would reminisce about the old days in university, and generally have a good time.  My friend took his own life on Friday night.  I never knew anything was wrong with him, he was always pretty closed and wouldn't really open up about anything, but that's how he always was for as long as I knew him.   I still can't believe it.  Just wanted to let you all know to keep in touch with your friends, make an effort to reach out, you never know when you'll never see them again.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on August 27, 2019, 07:59:35 PM
Never had to deal with this before but here goes.  Last night I received terrible news about a friend I've known for over 30 years.  We used to hang out a lot, but as time goes on and you have your own families you tend to drift apart.  Would see him maybe 1-2 times a year recently where we would reminisce about the old days in university, and generally have a good time.  My friend took his own life on Friday night.  I never knew anything was wrong with him, he was always pretty closed and wouldn't really open up about anything, but that's how he always was for as long as I knew him.   I still can't believe it.  Just wanted to let you all know to keep in touch with your friends, make an effort to reach out, you never know when you'll never see them again.


Sad, Zee.  But what can we do?

I haven’t seen my friend for months now myself.  I’m going to message her and see how she’s doing.

Oftentimes, it’s the thought that counts no matter where we are or what we’re doing.  Keeping communication lines open does wonders for the heart, and for our friends and ourselves.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: AlmosGirl on August 28, 2019, 03:08:53 PM
Well after 21 long and hard days, I'm back home. Looking forward to a fresh start.

Thinking of you 50!

Many many gentle hugs to you and zee.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on October 08, 2019, 12:54:14 PM
I hate depression. I god damn hate it.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: princedpw on October 08, 2019, 01:41:14 PM
I hate depression. I god damn hate it.

Sorry bud.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on December 19, 2019, 11:42:06 AM
So an update. When I last posted here, things were really bad. I had to make an emergency appointment with my therapist and just broke down crying my eyes out from the pain. I was in a deep depression with a solid black cloud hanging over me that I just couldn't shake. The feeling that it wouldn't ever end was crushing me. I felt defeated and was ready to give up. Death seemed like a reasonable way out. My persistent thoughts of death scared me and motivated me to action.

After 25 years of suffering, I'm now able to finally admit that therapy alone just wasn't enough and that medical help might be needed. Given my past circumstances, you'd understand my resistance to any drug that I perceived could alter my mental state (mostly a control issue due to PTSD from being surrounded by alcoholism and rage; details aren't interesting.) Anyway, I saw my physician and we've decided to try me on an antidepressant. It's been about 10 days and the side effects have not been fun (zero appetite and other things), but they are starting to subside. I've just started my double doses, so side effects may come back.

Since starting medication (and admitting that I need AND can accept help), I've felt better. Part of it is just the natural ebb-and-flow of my depression, part of it is surely a placebo effect. I'm admitting that I've been a bit of a hypocrite, as I always encourage others to seek help in any way that works, including medication. But, I've been so resistant for so long for getting that help for myself. I only started therapy about 16 months ago after decades of pain.

I don't know where this journey is going to take me, but I know (and admitted to my doctor) that I just can't continue the way it's been. I know for a fact my depression has severely impacted my career and financial success and my ability to create lasting connections with people. This is a shame because loneliness is one of the worst "symptoms" that I deal with.

I'm going to choose -- as best I can -- to not feel shame for waiting this long to get help. I'm going to accept therapy as an on-going part of my life and also that medication for the long-term might be required. I have an intake appointment tomorrow to start the process for a psychiatric evaluation to see if there's anything else going on. This is primarily due to a suspicion that I have ADD or a similar condition, which really helps explain some of my behaviour and thought patterns.

Part of resistance in reaching out is the persistent thought that "I'm not depressed enough" or "there's people that need treatment more than me". Therapy has helped me realize that my pain matters and is real. That I, and all of you, deserve to be as happy as we can be. We should feel free to use the resources that are available. Sometimes it's awkward, sometimes it takes a long time.

While I'm writing this primarily for me, I hope someone can get some inspiration to reach out and get help too. You don't have to wait for severe depression or pain. I know things will go up and down, but I'm actually hopeful for the first time that I'll have the tools to cope and live.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Guilt Trip on December 19, 2019, 12:16:57 PM
Thanks for sharing. You are def a strong and caring person for sharing your personal journey. Liked that last line the best. Wish you nothing but best. #bullfrogstrong
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: CarltonTheBear on December 19, 2019, 12:17:22 PM
Glad you shared this Bullfrog. Hope you keep feeling better.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: bustaheims on December 19, 2019, 12:57:31 PM
Thanks for sharing, BF.

The side effects of antidepressants do suck, but, I've definitely found using them better than the alternatives. They do fade - and, counter intuitively, they can be milder on larger doses.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on December 19, 2019, 03:17:23 PM
That was a very powerful post BF. Thank you for sharing. Depression runs in the family and I think a post like this is important. You know we're here for you :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on December 19, 2019, 03:50:24 PM
Thank you for the kind words, everyone. This community that I've been a part of for at least 20 years is important to me.

I'm a "high-functioning" depressive. Meaning, most of my friends and family don't know the private suffering that I endure (nor, do I suspect, am I aware of theirs.) I'm also not completely open with my wife about how I feel, preferring to brave through events instead of declining. I'm learning to be more open with her though.

I plan on making a heart-felt and open post on Facebook, to let my friends know how I'm feeling. I've been hesitant though; it's scary to put yourself out there and to be so vulnerable.

What's telling is that this is the first place I go to express myself. I think anonymity has something to do with that, but also it shows how much this place means to me.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: . on January 03, 2020, 09:57:25 PM
I watched a very moving special called "Gary Gulman: The Great Depresh" recently; I was a fan of his standup, and had wondered why he hadn't released any new material for some time; this provided the answers in terms of what he was going through. Both funny and poignant.

https://www.amazon.com/Gary-Gulman-Depresh-Not-Specified/dp/B07YNB9PKF

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epF-2yKaAYg&list=PLaCbL1hudxRgmmpSyZh2Yurj37lbUYlDw

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 04, 2020, 10:21:28 AM
Ya, that special was great. I watched it a few weeks ago; very honest.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on January 04, 2020, 10:52:43 AM

Another really great comedy special that deals with many of the same topics is Chris Gethard: Career Suicide:

https://www.crave.ca/en?ua=eyJtIjoiYSIsInAiOlsiYyIsImNwIiwicyJdLCJsIjoiZW4ifQ==#/movie/40504 (https://www.crave.ca/en?ua=eyJtIjoiYSIsInAiOlsiYyIsImNwIiwicyJdLCJsIjoiZW4ifQ==#/movie/40504)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 11, 2020, 06:00:22 PM
My dad is bipolar and quite unpredictable at the moment. He is drinking a lot of alcohol and taking antidepressant which made him worse the last time. He have all these projects where he can "make a lot of quick money". He just keeps saying that everything will be all right, and often he is in situations where he needs money quickly. Today he called the emergency number and they offered to send out a team to talk to him, but he said no, because he's afraid that they will force him into the hospital and keep him there. He jokes about taking his life, usually when he is drunk. Me and my siblings have picked him up when drunk a couple of times.

Today he told me that he doesn't feel threatened, but that he will get a life insurance. He's a custodian for a guy that goes in and out of jail, and my dad had a burglary for about a month ago and suspect it was the criminals friends'. He seems to enjoy that things are happening, he also admits that he needs some excitement. So it's tricky to know how to handle this. Me and my siblings agreed to try to convince him to follow us to the ER for psychiatric disease tomorrow, but he is very stubborn.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: hockeyfan1 on January 11, 2020, 08:27:47 PM
My dad is bipolar and quite unpredictable at the moment. He is drinking a lot of alcohol and taking antidepressant which made him worse the last time. He have all these projects where he can "make a lot of quick money". He just keeps saying that everything will be all right, and often he is in situations where he needs money quickly. Today he called the emergency number and they offered to send out a team to talk to him, but he said no, because he's afraid that they will force him into the hospital and keep him there. He jokes about taking his life, usually when he is drunk. Me and my siblings have picked him up when drunk a couple of times.

Today he told me that he doesn't feel threatened, but that he will get a life insurance. He's a custodian for a guy that goes in and out of jail, and my dad had a burglary for about a month ago and suspect it was the criminals friends'. He seems to enjoy that things are happening, he also admits that he needs some excitement. So it's tricky to know how to handle this. Me and my siblings agreed to try to convince him to follow us to the ER for psychiatric disease tomorrow, but he is very stubborn.


Hope your Dad gets the help he needs and realizes that you all care for him.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 11, 2020, 09:59:33 PM
My dad is bipolar and quite unpredictable at the moment. He is drinking a lot of alcohol and taking antidepressant which made him worse the last time. He have all these projects where he can "make a lot of quick money". He just keeps saying that everything will be all right, and often he is in situations where he needs money quickly. Today he called the emergency number and they offered to send out a team to talk to him, but he said no, because he's afraid that they will force him into the hospital and keep him there. He jokes about taking his life, usually when he is drunk. Me and my siblings have picked him up when drunk a couple of times.

Today he told me that he doesn't feel threatened, but that he will get a life insurance. He's a custodian for a guy that goes in and out of jail, and my dad had a burglary for about a month ago and suspect it was the criminals friends'. He seems to enjoy that things are happening, he also admits that he needs some excitement. So it's tricky to know how to handle this. Me and my siblings agreed to try to convince him to follow us to the ER for psychiatric disease tomorrow, but he is very stubborn.
It's hard man, I wish there were answers. Unfortunately I kind of think people need to want to help themselves. We've tried interventions with my grandmother and my mother and they basically both just sat there in front of the TV for the vast majority of their free time.

I hope your dad comes to understand you're trying to do what's best for him and recognizes that he needs help.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 12, 2020, 12:09:23 PM
My dad is bipolar and quite unpredictable at the moment. He is drinking a lot of alcohol and taking antidepressant which made him worse the last time. He have all these projects where he can "make a lot of quick money". He just keeps saying that everything will be all right, and often he is in situations where he needs money quickly. Today he called the emergency number and they offered to send out a team to talk to him, but he said no, because he's afraid that they will force him into the hospital and keep him there. He jokes about taking his life, usually when he is drunk. Me and my siblings have picked him up when drunk a couple of times.

Today he told me that he doesn't feel threatened, but that he will get a life insurance. He's a custodian for a guy that goes in and out of jail, and my dad had a burglary for about a month ago and suspect it was the criminals friends'. He seems to enjoy that things are happening, he also admits that he needs some excitement. So it's tricky to know how to handle this. Me and my siblings agreed to try to convince him to follow us to the ER for psychiatric disease tomorrow, but he is very stubborn.


Hope your Dad gets the help he needs and realizes that you all care for him.
Thank you, for your kind words!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 12, 2020, 12:14:53 PM
My dad is bipolar and quite unpredictable at the moment. He is drinking a lot of alcohol and taking antidepressant which made him worse the last time. He have all these projects where he can "make a lot of quick money". He just keeps saying that everything will be all right, and often he is in situations where he needs money quickly. Today he called the emergency number and they offered to send out a team to talk to him, but he said no, because he's afraid that they will force him into the hospital and keep him there. He jokes about taking his life, usually when he is drunk. Me and my siblings have picked him up when drunk a couple of times.

Today he told me that he doesn't feel threatened, but that he will get a life insurance. He's a custodian for a guy that goes in and out of jail, and my dad had a burglary for about a month ago and suspect it was the criminals friends'. He seems to enjoy that things are happening, he also admits that he needs some excitement. So it's tricky to know how to handle this. Me and my siblings agreed to try to convince him to follow us to the ER for psychiatric disease tomorrow, but he is very stubborn.
It's hard man, I wish there were answers. Unfortunately I kind of think people need to want to help themselves. We've tried interventions with my grandmother and my mother and they basically both just sat there in front of the TV for the vast majority of their free time.

I hope your dad comes to understand you're trying to do what's best for him and recognizes that he needs help.
Thanks! Yeah, it's difficult to find a solution, sometimes you can only show that you care, and try to help people help themselves, I know I wasn't easy to get to when I was really depressed. Yesterday I read some of the things I had written in this thread, and I thought to myself "Man, was I negative?!", but now I've reached a spot where I can have sympathy for myself, because I know that I was in a really bad spot. I heard a good quote the other week that I really like. "We all have to get through the darkness, because that's where the next morning is".
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 20, 2020, 12:49:26 PM
Hi, just checking in. I've been on ADs for about 5-6 weeks now. Side affects were bad at first, but are evening out a bit now. I've had a couple of bad days but mostly good. It's been an interesting time as I've had some open conversations with my parents about what's going on and past events and I was surprised to learn my dad's on the exact same medication as me! I would have never guessed that.

I've been learning about self-care and have been picking up drawing and sketching again. I enrolled in a portrait drawing class and I'm just loving it. I'm starting to feel passionate about something.

My wife even joke-complained last night that I'm feeling too good; mostly because I kept trying to get her to dance with me all night. lol.

I don't care if this is the medication, the therapy, or just a natural "up" period, I'm going to enjoy the good feelings for now.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: CarltonTheBear on January 20, 2020, 12:52:07 PM
That's awesome man.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 20, 2020, 01:07:21 PM
I think the turning point in my recovery was kicking my wife and her brother's and sis-in-law's asses in Just Dance on the xbox. But, who am I to gloat?

All three of them were drunk and I was totally sober, but I doubt that had anything to do with it.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Frank E on January 20, 2020, 01:59:25 PM
I think the turning point in my recovery was kicking my wife and her brother's and sis-in-law's asses in Just Dance on the xbox. But, who am I to gloat?

All three of them were drunk and I was totally sober, but I doubt that had anything to do with it.

It's usually the other way around for me....I become a more awesome dancer the more I drink...or something like that.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 20, 2020, 02:33:59 PM
I believe you, Frank.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Frank E on January 20, 2020, 07:15:00 PM
I believe you, Frank.

 :-*
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on January 20, 2020, 07:35:24 PM
This is wonderful. What’s your go-to song?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 21, 2020, 09:49:17 AM
I don't really have a go-to, but lately, I've been listening to a lot of Aretha Franklin, Otis Redding, and Marvin Gaye.

Also, Michael Kiwanuka's Cold Little Heart is always a choice. I'm not looking to bust-a-move, but to really feel something.

But I can bust-a-heims....I mean move, when called upon, just so we're clear.  :D

I also sing. Very loudly and very, very badly.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Hobbes on January 21, 2020, 11:09:58 AM
I don't really have a go-to, but lately, I've been listening to a lot of Aretha Franklin, Otis Redding, and Marvin Gaye.

Also, Michael Kiwanuka's Cold Little Heart is always a choice. I'm not looking to bust-a-move, but to really feel something.

But I can bust-a-heims....I mean move, when called upon, just so we're clear.  :D

I also sing. Very loudly and very, very badly.

May I recommend some Earth Wind and Fire (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBNewLDy3pQ) and a bit of Sly & The Family Stone (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5BP2KlPD4U) to complement with your Motown groove. Oh...and Tower of Power (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lrpTho-3pU) is always good.

PS....while you're on a Motown kick you ought to throw some Stevie in there (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sIjSNTS7Fs) too.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: bustaheims on January 21, 2020, 12:11:20 PM
I don't really have a go-to, but lately, I've been listening to a lot of Aretha Franklin, Otis Redding, and Marvin Gaye.

Also, Michael Kiwanuka's Cold Little Heart is always a choice. I'm not looking to bust-a-move, but to really feel something.

But I can bust-a-heims....I mean move, when called upon, just so we're clear.  :D

I also sing. Very loudly and very, very badly.

I approve.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on January 23, 2020, 10:15:00 AM
Been back to suffering from some strong anxiety.  Then a friend told me about "Calm" an app that I downloaded through my phone. I did my first session with the program yesterday and found it was a very big help.  They give you a week for free then it costs 76 a year.
Worth a try for those of you looking for some non drug relief.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on January 27, 2020, 11:45:04 AM
by the way I am on Day 5 of this program and it is working for me big time.  Strange coincidence is LeBron James is involved with this and actually does some talking inside the program.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 27, 2020, 12:30:23 PM
I'm glad it's working for you. I don't suffer much from anxiety, but I'm going to look into it.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on January 27, 2020, 12:46:14 PM
Its strange, I never had anxiety and rarely depression until a few years ago. I lost a full year of income in the Hurricanes of 17 and it has really affected me.  However the Calm program helps me when I get the anxiety coming on.  Its more anxiety than depression, however prolonged anxiety certainly seems to bring on depression.  Its nice to be able to break the cycle.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 27, 2020, 03:48:36 PM
Been back to suffering from some strong anxiety.  Then a friend told me about "Calm" an app that I downloaded through my phone. I did my first session with the program yesterday and found it was a very big help.  They give you a week for free then it costs 76 a year.
Worth a try for those of you looking for some non drug relief.

I've been vaping weed a lot more regularly lately myself. I think I just went through a long bout with anxiety lately. I wasn't able to sleep, my body felt wired all the time like I could hop out of bed and be alert immediately, increased and heavier heart rate and after 2 or 3 days of this I'd go home and nap for a few hours and then not be able to fall asleep again. I tried melatonin (huge waste) and sleep-eze (not bad although my anxiousness was still there so my body over-rided it at times). I thought for a while something was physically wrong with me but I did a bunch of tests and the doc thinks I'm in good physical health.

 I'm finding vaping a higher CBD weed is really calming me down and I've been pretty good almost every night afterward. I do want to try this though because I don't want to be reliant on vaping most nights just to get a good night's sleep.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Groundskeeper Willie on January 27, 2020, 07:23:44 PM


Been back to suffering from some strong anxiety.  Then a friend told me about "Calm" an app that I downloaded through my phone. I did my first session with the program yesterday and found it was a very big help.  They give you a week for free then it costs 76 a year.
Worth a try for those of you looking for some non drug relief.

I've been vaping weed a lot more regularly lately myself. I think I just went through a long bout with anxiety lately. I wasn't able to sleep, my body felt wired all the time like I could hop out of bed and be alert immediately, increased and heavier heart rate and after 2 or 3 days of this I'd go home and nap for a few hours and then not be able to fall asleep again. I tried melatonin (huge waste) and sleep-eze (not bad although my anxiousness was still there so my body over-rided it at times). I thought for a while something was physically wrong with me but I did a bunch of tests and the doc thinks I'm in good physical health.

 I'm finding vaping a higher CBD weed is really calming me down and I've been pretty good almost every night afterward. I do want to try this though because I don't want to be reliant on vaping most nights just to get a good night's sleep.

I went through a really difficult period in my life a few years ago (I don't post much here but I even vented in one thread a bit at one point) and nothing helped me get through it better than meditation did. Weed is helpful too, especially a high CBD strain, but it was more of a short term crutch for me and not a long term solution. I still use it occasionally whenever my stress and anxiety levels start climbing again, but it's meditation that helps fix the cause while weed only helps with the symptoms created by the root problem.

I used the Calm app for awhile but I've switched to one called Let's Meditate now because it allows me to download my favourite sessions instead of always streaming them. Meditating was a very difficult skill to learn at first as my brain and body actually seemed to fight against it since they were so used to the high strung "normal" that had been my life, but anything that teaches you to slow the mind down is worth the effort, whether that's meditation or yoga or Tai Chi or whatever works for you
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 28, 2020, 01:37:04 PM
So, as part of my therapy, I've started a hobby: drawing. I haven't touched pencils (other than technical drawing) in 20+ years. Here's my first drawing, a hand study:

(https://i.imgur.com/5qqVx6j.jpg)

And my second, an eye study (2nd pair is in progress):
(https://i.imgur.com/cuH1xie.jpg)

I haven't felt a passion for something in a long, long time. It feels good. I'm hoping to try out some portraits in the next few weeks.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on January 28, 2020, 01:55:07 PM
So, as part of my therapy, I've started a hobby: drawing. I haven't touched pencils (other than technical drawing) in 20+ years. Here's my first drawing, a hand study:

(https://i.imgur.com/5qqVx6j.jpg)

And my second, an eye study (2nd pair is in progress):
(https://i.imgur.com/cuH1xie.jpg)

I haven't felt a passion for something in a long, long time. It feels good. I'm hoping to try out some portraits in the next few weeks.
That's really good mate, I think you should continue to invest time in that. Creativity is very important, because it shows something individual and human. I turned to songwrititing which helped me a lot🙂
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Guilt Trip on January 28, 2020, 06:52:35 PM
So, as part of my therapy, I've started a hobby: drawing. I haven't touched pencils (other than technical drawing) in 20+ years. Here's my first drawing, a hand study:

(https://i.imgur.com/5qqVx6j.jpg)

And my second, an eye study (2nd pair is in progress):
(https://i.imgur.com/cuH1xie.jpg)

I haven't felt a passion for something in a long, long time. It feels good. I'm hoping to try out some portraits in the next few weeks.
Very cool and well done.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate on January 28, 2020, 07:56:27 PM
Dude those are some Sistine Chapel-level hands you've done there.

I'm going to offer you some cut rate philosophy. I hope that people who are struggling with depression understand that it's within everyone's power, no matter what their abilities, to add a bit of good to set in the balance against all the hate and evil in the world. For people like you, gifted with talent -- all you have to do is share it. You are making the world a better place with your art. I hope that knowledge lifts you up next time you feel down. Thanks for making life on this crazy planet a bit more valuable. Keep er goin'.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on January 29, 2020, 08:30:12 AM
thanks for the kind words. ZBBM, thanks for saying that. I was actually worried that people would think I was showing off. I'm just sharing because I'm proud of what I created (regardless if it's actually good or not) and I've found an outlet that lifts my spirit. I'm almost certain I have ADD as well, so drawing a hand or eye for two hours takes advantage of my hyper-focus trait.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on January 29, 2020, 05:45:48 PM


Been back to suffering from some strong anxiety.  Then a friend told me about "Calm" an app that I downloaded through my phone. I did my first session with the program yesterday and found it was a very big help.  They give you a week for free then it costs 76 a year.
Worth a try for those of you looking for some non drug relief.

I've been vaping weed a lot more regularly lately myself. I think I just went through a long bout with anxiety lately. I wasn't able to sleep, my body felt wired all the time like I could hop out of bed and be alert immediately, increased and heavier heart rate and after 2 or 3 days of this I'd go home and nap for a few hours and then not be able to fall asleep again. I tried melatonin (huge waste) and sleep-eze (not bad although my anxiousness was still there so my body over-rided it at times). I thought for a while something was physically wrong with me but I did a bunch of tests and the doc thinks I'm in good physical health.

 I'm finding vaping a higher CBD weed is really calming me down and I've been pretty good almost every night afterward. I do want to try this though because I don't want to be reliant on vaping most nights just to get a good night's sleep.

I went through a really difficult period in my life a few years ago (I don't post much here but I even vented in one thread a bit at one point) and nothing helped me get through it better than meditation did. Weed is helpful too, especially a high CBD strain, but it was more of a short term crutch for me and not a long term solution. I still use it occasionally whenever my stress and anxiety levels start climbing again, but it's meditation that helps fix the cause while weed only helps with the symptoms created by the root problem.

I used the Calm app for awhile but I've switched to one called Let's Meditate now because it allows me to download my favourite sessions instead of always streaming them. Meditating was a very difficult skill to learn at first as my brain and body actually seemed to fight against it since they were so used to the high strung "normal" that had been my life, but anything that teaches you to slow the mind down is worth the effort, whether that's meditation or yoga or Tai Chi or whatever works for you

I agree our brains need to unwind and it's probably best to do that without the effect of a drug of some sort, but vaping a higher CBD strain for the last little while has really has helped. Before trying it I would try to fall asleep and my mind would be racing, and over time that went from not being able to sleep due to a racing mind to worrying about being able to fall asleep in the first place, which led to a worse and worse cycle of anxiety. Would I be rested enough to work effectively without screwing things up? Maybe there's something wrong with me more than anxiety or insomnia? I started vaping and I was able to basically start believing that I could fall asleep normally again so my anxiety dissipated after I stopped associating my bed with not being able to sleep. I've weaned off the CBD lately and I've been mostly pretty good, I think it can be very useful, but it definitely shouldn't be the only tool anyone is using. I for sure have to look into meditation. I'll for sure have to train myself because I'm the kind of person that needs my mind focusing on something.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on May 13, 2020, 04:26:23 PM
Life is weird, I've been unemployed by choice for about 8 months to travel etc. Then I reached out to my former boss, signed a new contract with a salary raise. Then big companies from North America like Bombardier etc reached out to me to discuss potential work. I know that a lot of people are struggling with work right now, but for some reason I just got more depressed, and then I feel guilty because I don't feel as if I have any reason or right to feel depressed when I'm in a good position, and I've also been offered a great appartment with a great rent. So I have all these positives during a short time, yet I feel more depressed than before. That doesn't make any sense to me and makes me feel guilty, arrogant etc. So basically I feel depressed, but don't feel that I have earned the right to feel depressed. I just feel that I should drink champagne, be happy about life, but instead I just sleep, stare into the wall, wondering why I'm not happy.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on May 13, 2020, 05:23:48 PM
Hey Stebro,
Remember one thing always, never feel bad about the things you are feeling, accept them with non judgement.  I learned this from using the Calm app and learning to meditate. It's ok to feel bad, it's Ok to be depressed. Just don't judge it.  When you stop the judgement then often the depression and bad feelings will lift off you like a cloud that passes in the night.

What you say is so true, I lost my income and job that I have been doing the last 20 years. Not permanently, it will probably start up next year again hopefully, but have now lost 2 years of income in my last 4 earning years.  Hard to navigate.  But and this is the real strange thing, is that a side project that I have been working on for the last 3 years without much success, has finally found two big opportunities for earning more than my other job provided. 

If there is any more comfort in this, is that many of us feel exactly what you feel Stebro.  So don't feel bad about feeling bad. 
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bender on May 13, 2020, 09:40:04 PM
We're here for you man.

Its hard to really dispense any advice or anything like that during a time like this but anything that nudges you along a more positive path is important I think. Don't feel bad for feeling bad though. That's all I can say really. I'm sure you've talked to people far more qualified than me.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on June 30, 2020, 12:18:51 AM
So, some good news for a change. I've been on antidepressants since mid-Dec. After the first 8 weeks or so of getting adjusted, I haven't had a single day of depression. Not one. My last depression symptoms was probably end of February? The Drs want to keep me on the ADs for at least a year just to reduce the chances of a relapse; but so far so good.

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: L K on June 30, 2020, 10:12:32 AM
So, some good news for a change. I've been on antidepressants since mid-Dec. After the first 8 weeks or so of getting adjusted, I haven't had a single day of depression. Not one. My last depression symptoms was probably end of February? The Drs want to keep me on the ADs for at least a year just to reduce the chances of a relapse; but so far so good.

Yeah, this is a big one.  You feel great (that's awesome).  Sometimes the withdrawal effect on the neurotransmitters from coming off the antidepressant can set you back a bit so staying on longer is definitely beneficial. 

From personal experience I might suggest waiting until the spring/summer depending on how you are feeling.  The wonderful winter weather sometimes can suck your mood back down.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on June 30, 2020, 11:40:36 AM

Really good to hear man but I concur with the Doctors. Now is not the time to be facing the world as is.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on June 30, 2020, 02:19:18 PM
No worries, I concur with them as well and will definitely be following their recommendations!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on June 30, 2020, 06:31:14 PM
Good for you Bullfrog, happy that you are getting relief especially in these difficult times.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on September 01, 2020, 02:30:38 PM
I'm moving out of my appartment in a couple of weeks, and there's so much to do. At the moment we have limited resources at work, and I basically work between 6 am and 7 pm, and after work I basically fall flat on my face into bed as I have no energy, and I struggle just to do anything, and it gives me so much anxiety, and people around me don't seem to understand. I also have no one to help me, any ideas on how I can motivate myself? I know that I can do it, I just completely lack energy.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on September 01, 2020, 02:47:46 PM
Stebro for what it is worth I use the Calm App, it is amazing, instead of reaching for a valium, when I need to I put on my headphones and do a meditation on Calm. Part of the app is a 30 day voice guided course on how to meditate (do nothing) and it is great.  It has helped me immensely. My son suffers from anxiety and I am trying to get him to try it.  He is reluctant but young, so you can't press it to hard.

For intelligent people like you Stebro it is worth a try.  It certainly will not hurt as you have to take some time for you, every day.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Stebro on September 01, 2020, 02:56:05 PM
Stebro for what it is worth I use the Calm App, it is amazing, instead of reaching for a valium, when I need to I put on my headphones and do a meditation on Calm. Part of the app is a 30 day voice guided course on how to meditate (do nothing) and it is great.  It has helped me immensely. My son suffers from anxiety and I am trying to get him to try it.  He is reluctant but young, so you can't press it to hard.

For intelligent people like you Stebro it is worth a try.  It certainly will not hurt as you have to take some time for you, every day.
Thanks for the tip mate I will look it up  :)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on September 08, 2020, 11:30:14 AM
Hey Stebro, why are you now listed as a guest. I really liked your tag line on you posts, and wanted to read it again. Are you with us here?
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: CarltonTheBear on September 08, 2020, 11:47:14 AM
He asked to close his account for the time being. Hopefully he'll re-join later.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on September 08, 2020, 06:42:03 PM
I hope he is Ok, seems like a really good person.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Nik on November 06, 2020, 06:09:20 PM

A CPC MP has proposed a national suicide helpline which is, I think, a really good and important idea that should be adopted post-haste during these times:

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/suicide-hotline-pandemic-covid-doherty-1.5790938?__vfz=medium%3Dsharebar (https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/suicide-hotline-pandemic-covid-doherty-1.5790938?__vfz=medium%3Dsharebar)
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Heroic Shrimp on November 07, 2020, 01:23:31 PM

Colin Wilson's story of dealing with crippling OCD throughout his hockey career. It's a good read.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on August 02, 2021, 12:04:37 AM
So I'm of the opinion that our Canadian/Ontarian health system sucks when it comes to mental health.

I'm on anti-depressants, which are generally working. Last year I was referred to a psychiatrist after I talked to my physician about concerns I might have ADHD. He generally dismissed my concerns because "I didn't fidget enough and was far too calm throughout." He focused only on my depression.

In general, I was ok with that. I'm not/wasn't searching for diagnosis or labels, but a better understanding of my issues. Despite having two very informed friends with ADHD that are convinced I have it, I accepted his finding. I then started researching and talking to others and have become somewhat convinced that I have OCPD (different from OCD.) I then asked my physician to get me another referral to the psychiatrist and the organization rejected me, saying "I've been assessed already."

Really, that's it? It was a 45 minutes consultation with a complete stranger. Imagine if you went in to a doctor and said "hey, I have severe pains in my arm, I think it's broken." They look at it and then say "nope, not broken, have a good day." Off you go.....  It'd be ridiculous and unethical, in my view.

So, I got angry and request my medical records. The psych report states: "diagnosis: major depressive disorder with anxious tendencies..........likely OCPD, shows several traits." He never f'ng mentioned this to me. I had to figure it out on my own, yet it was in my records all along. So I call the medical facility where I got the psych evaluation and previously had therapy (the only publically-funded facility where I am), and they basically say, "well, we've already assessed you and don't do 2nd opinions or assessments. You can go to a private facility if you want." A proper assessment for disorders is into the thousands of dollars. We definitely have a two-tier system here and it's not right.

So, because I'm not wealthy, I get to suffer. I don't get any help to learn how to deal with my issues. This sucks.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: herman on August 02, 2021, 08:47:46 AM
Sorry to hear that, Bullfrog :/ the infrastructure for assisting people with the breadth and scope of mental illnesses is really not there yet.

Are you working at the moment? A lot of organizations have added Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) to their extended healthcare benefits portfolios.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: L K on August 02, 2021, 10:10:47 AM
So I'm of the opinion that our Canadian/Ontarian health system sucks when it comes to mental health.

I'm on anti-depressants, which are generally working. Last year I was referred to a psychiatrist after I talked to my physician about concerns I might have ADHD. He generally dismissed my concerns because "I didn't fidget enough and was far too calm throughout." He focused only on my depression.

In general, I was ok with that. I'm not/wasn't searching for diagnosis or labels, but a better understanding of my issues. Despite having two very informed friends with ADHD that are convinced I have it, I accepted his finding. I then started researching and talking to others and have become somewhat convinced that I have OCPD (different from OCD.) I then asked my physician to get me another referral to the psychiatrist and the organization rejected me, saying "I've been assessed already."

Really, that's it? It was a 45 minutes consultation with a complete stranger. Imagine if you went in to a doctor and said "hey, I have severe pains in my arm, I think it's broken." They look at it and then say "nope, not broken, have a good day." Off you go.....  It'd be ridiculous and unethical, in my view.

So, I got angry and request my medical records. The psych report states: "diagnosis: major depressive disorder with anxious tendencies..........likely OCPD, shows several traits." He never f'ng mentioned this to me. I had to figure it out on my own, yet it was in my records all along. So I call the medical facility where I got the psych evaluation and previously had therapy (the only publically-funded facility where I am), and they basically say, "well, we've already assessed you and don't do 2nd opinions or assessments. You can go to a private facility if you want." A proper assessment for disorders is into the thousands of dollars. We definitely have a two-tier system here and it's not right.

So, because I'm not wealthy, I get to suffer. I don't get any help to learn how to deal with my issues. This sucks.

Really sorry you are going through this.  Mental healthcare is absolutely broken in Ontario.  Psychiatry being region locked.  More often than not only able to get a single consult and then back to me in the office/or ER for those without a GP.  Some psychiatrists who "won't see complex patients".   Your experience is unfortunately all too common in the province.

It's not much but I can recommend a couple of books that are pretty solid on the OCPD front. 

Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control - Allan Mallinger

The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism: Evidence-Based Skills to Help You Let Go of Self-Criticism, Build Self-Esteem, and Find Balance - Sharon Martin

Obsessive Compulsive Disorders: A Practical Guide by Naomi Fineberg

Some of the OCD Cognitive Behavioural Therapy resources can be helpful as well.  They certainly aren't the same diagnosis but there can be some good overlap in therapies.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on August 02, 2021, 02:22:10 PM
Hey, thanks for that, LK, I'll check those out. I'm currently reading The Healthy Compulsive by Gary Trosclair, who's supposed to be some guru, but I'm finding it's too focused on the driven part of the personality. OCPD is interesting because it's apparently quite common (something like 5-10% of the population), but resources are fairly scant.

Perfectionism and self-criticism are a couple of my major issues. I'm assuming from childhood trauma, but of course, I've been discharged from therapy, so who knows?

To be diagnosed with OCPD, you only have to have 4 of the 8 diagnostic criteria, so it can be quite variable.

I've found this guy's video (this one in particular) to be by far the most helpful. So if anyone wants to learn about OCPD or suspect you might have it, take a listen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEhin2dCh8U

Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Highlander on August 02, 2021, 06:36:02 PM
Without being a armchair Doc, a lot of people are going through this including me. I am going to investigate this treatment when I get back from my sales trip.  I am in a bad way right now and like a lot of people who have been financial ruined by Covid (and Hurricanes) are suffering big time.

A NHL'r from past seasons with a history of depression is starting his own company (with plenty of investors). It helped him regain his life.
Daniel Carcillo long to drop the gloves, metaphorically speaking. “I’m a no-bull#$#% type of person,” says the former NHLer and now CEO of Wesana Health, a Chicago-based life science company.

It really seems to help a lot of people.  I know there has been a huge backlash on treatments on this site. And I post this reluctantly. But if someone like Bullfrog can stop suffering or at least help him, I will take the abuse.

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/newsroom/news-releases/psychedelic-treatment-with-psilocybin-relieves-major-depression-study-shows
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Big Daddy on August 02, 2021, 09:35:24 PM
Does anyone if you can get help for ADHD without extended coverage. My psychiatrist keeps telling me it’s unnecessary to speak to someone else who specializes in ADHD and he just keeps prescribing me Adderal and a different depression med every 6 or 8 months. But no help on actually overcoming or controlling the ADHD. He keeps
Saying your productive enough let’s focus on the depression. I feel trapped.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Guilt Trip on August 02, 2021, 09:59:32 PM
I don't remember there being any help for ADHD...you can however get a tax break for the disability. It is also retroactive to when you were first diagnosed..we did it for my son and they went back 9 years and reassessed my taxes...we also carried the disability tax credit until he was 18...he has to apply for it himself after that age..we didn't put him on drugs. We took him to a place called The Listening Centre in  Toronto. It's not cheap but basically they retrain a person how to hear. What that allowed him to do was focus on whatever noise/voice he chose to and wouldn't get overwhelmed/distracted by all the noise around him. The turnaround in him was pretty amazing because he actually learned to focus. He used to have 10 meltdowns a day when he was a kid...they stopped almost immediately after going there..like I said though, not cheap and something to look into. I wish I could help you more.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Bullfrog on August 03, 2021, 10:16:47 AM
Does anyone if you can get help for ADHD without extended coverage. My psychiatrist keeps telling me it’s unnecessary to speak to someone else who specializes in ADHD and he just keeps prescribing me Adderal and a different depression med every 6 or 8 months. But no help on actually overcoming or controlling the ADHD. He keeps
Saying your productive enough let’s focus on the depression. I feel trapped.

Have you asked to be referred to a therapist? My good friend sees a therapist every month and it's been helpful. She has other issues as well (complex PTSD), so maybe that's why?

My friend who has pretty severe ADHD, highly recommends the ADHD Rewired course and group coaching. It's $1500 though. She says the support and understanding from the community is the best part (which is free I believe). Also highly recommends reading "The One Thing" which is actually required reading for the course.

I saw a therapist for a year and have been discharged. Now trying to get back in is almost impossible. You essentially have to claim you're suicidal to get in.
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: louisstamos on August 03, 2021, 08:34:32 PM
Does anyone if you can get help for ADHD without extended coverage. My psychiatrist keeps telling me it’s unnecessary to speak to someone else who specializes in ADHD and he just keeps prescribing me Adderal and a different depression med every 6 or 8 months. But no help on actually overcoming or controlling the ADHD. He keeps
Saying your productive enough let’s focus on the depression. I feel trapped.

Have you asked to be referred to a therapist? My good friend sees a therapist every month and it's been helpful. She has other issues as well (complex PTSD), so maybe that's why?

My friend who has pretty severe ADHD, highly recommends the ADHD Rewired course and group coaching. It's $1500 though. She says the support and understanding from the community is the best part (which is free I believe). Also highly recommends reading "The One Thing" which is actually required reading for the course.

I saw a therapist for a year and have been discharged. Now trying to get back in is almost impossible. You essentially have to claim you're suicidal to get in.

I have to echo BF - literally as I just finished my appointment with my therapist 10 minutes ago (for minor stuff - a lot dealing with self confidence and vulnerability/lack thereof), but I always feel good coming out of a session.  You know what you need best, so even if your psychiatrist doesn't think it's necessary, if you want to try it out then I think it's still definitely worth trying out.  The lack of public options is not great here in Ontario, but like herman said - most benefit packages will include stuff for Psychotherapy and or a Master of Social Work, and mine in particular didn't even need a referral from a doctor.  Definitely worth looking into and recommended!
Title: Re: Depression and Anxiety
Post by: Big Daddy on August 03, 2021, 09:01:46 PM
Thank you so much guys. It’s really frustrating. Bullfrog tanks I will seek out that book. I think it’s time to go back to family doctor and have him refer me to a therapist because spoke to the psychiatrist again today who gave me an 11 minute phone consultation, made sure I had refills of the shit he’s prescribing and again steered me away from getting help for the ADHD saying I need to focus on my depression which I feel is a direct result of the ADHD. At the 11th minute when I was trying to push him into directing me towards some other form of therapy. He’s say “Well go to go now. We can talk again in 3 months” like Frig I’m so frustrated