Depression and Anxiety

[Nik]

I've wrestled with clinical depression for quite some time now. It's manifested itself in things like anxiety, agoraphobia and such. I've tried combating it with just about everything you can. Therapy, medication, meditation, exercise, what have you to varying degrees of success. It manifests in different ways. A bleak outlook on life in general, self-criticism, hopelessness, etc.

One of the things that I've found, and maybe this is why Rick Rypien's death(and maybe Belak's) doesn't shock me as much, is that there's no rhyme or reason to it. I suffer from just as bad a spell of it when my life is going really well as when I'm stuck in the mud. Money, a good relationship, good friends, none of them, even combined, are a panacea that's going to make me forget it. So even a hockey player, making a lot of money, can struggle with it all their lives. It's not even that hard to hide provided you're not living with someone and have the kind of job I do. You make excuses when you don't want to go out and your stewing inside your head can continue unabated.

I tend to think of having it largely under control these days. One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard on the subject was Eddie Vedder relaying something Bruce Springsteen told him which was "That guy(depression) is always going to be in the car with you, you just can't let him drive."

So it's there and I deal with it and things do get better.

[AlmosGirl]

I echo what Littlehockeyfan said.  Hugs to you all!

[Mordac]

This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

[Sarge]

This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

I'm kind of with you... My wife thinks the same about me but how do I know? I'm not prepared to do anything about it either. Is the belief that I don't need help part of the problem?

[Nik]

This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

Sure. One of the things, though, is that there's a big difference between clinical, brain-chemistry imbalance depression and being bummed out. You can legitimately have negative issues in your life, money troubles, bad relationship, whatever and it's not a medical condition. You can feel the negative emotion of depression and not have depression.

And then it gets into the question of the severity and how it manifests itself. If "that guy" is driving it can mean the difference between "Things aren't great, but I've still got to finish assignments/go grocery shopping/go out and see my friends because those things need to get done" and "Things are terrible, I can't manage, so I'm going to get wasted at eleven in the morning and spend all day watching re-runs on BBC America because it doesn't matter anyway."

And, sure, yeah when you're getting wasted and watching TV then you don't care much about what you didn't do, although not getting it done will feed back into the depression and make it worse later on, but it's not like you can just wallow in it forever without consequence.

Of course, that's sort of a worst-case, unable to function scenario. Like I was saying, that's when depression is in control of your life. That's what you can't let happen.

[Bullfrog]

Of course, that's sort of a worst-case, unable to function scenario. Like I was saying, that's when depression is in control of your life. That's what you can't let happen.

Very true, because when it takes control, it's hard to break out of. I lost a lot of opportunity to develop friends and life-long relationships due to being that passenger. Even your good friends get tired of being turned down after awhile.

It can be so confusing at times. I wanted to go out, i wanted to have fun, I wanted all that stuff, but i couldn't, i just couldn't. It's strange, because I can usually reason my way through most things. Yet even though I knew I should just try, knew what I wanted, the apathy takes over.

That was always my biggest problem as a teenager and young 20-something, the apathy. The depression I suffer know, from time-to-time, is generally milder and somewhat different.

[sucka]

This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

I'm kind of with you... My wife thinks the same about me but how do I know? I'm not prepared to do anything about it either. Is the belief that I don't need help part of the problem?

Ditto on what Nik said.  When it happens you will definately know it.  It's not the same as blowing your kids' college funds at the tables and then stewing about how you're going to tell the wife.  I mean, it could set it off.  It's funny cuz while i was going through it, i couldn't recall what it felt to be normal, but now that i am for the most part fine, i can vividly recall what it felt like.  I can only speak of my own experience.  It's a blanket of dread and darkness like no other and it becomes debilitating to the point where even simple tasks seem monumental.  It's becomes a great deal just to brush your teeth in the morning.  Someone mentioned the bleak outlook...that feeling just pervades all that you do.  You lose interest in just about EVERYTHING, perhaps except to self diagnose, and try as you might you just can't shake it off.  Fear that you will lose your friends and you'll be all alone.   And this is just the 'inside' part...nevermind the physical manifestations - can't eat, and feeling like you need to vomit after a few mouthfuls.  Constant lump and sinking feeling in your chest.  Sleep 2 hours a night for days on end.  Presence of a low fever, but no one can detect it (falls in normal range).  I was also getting very noticable shakes in my hands along with intermittent heart palpitations...sometimes nervously fast, sometimes painfully slow.  I even had symptoms consistent with STD's, or urinary tract infection, although i was 100% sure i didn't and doctors did enough tests to rule everything out.  Doctors asked me to do an HIV test and for 2 weeks I even convinced myself the possibility i might have gotten HIV from prior GF or something...also ruled out.  My condition was all i thought about and it totally consumed me for several months and i was left extremely exhausted and eventually not caring what happened to me.  I stopped grooming and went to work everday looking pretty disheveled, it just took too much effort.  At work i would just stare at the screen cuz i wouldn't know where to start.  My brain felt foggy and it was very hard to think especially if it involved multiple steps.  Brain and body felt numb...slightly fuzzy.  Everything feels surreal.  yeah, i think i covered it.

[moon111]

Would anyone have advice for someone dealing with loved ones who are depressed? 

[Sarge]

This is not at all intended to be a facetious question, and relates more to the depression than anxiety.

What happens if you let him drive? With depression, once that guy is driving, wouldn't you just not care?

My wife thinks I may be depressed, but I don't see it. Is it that I don't care to because I really am? How would I know, and why would I care if I'm depressed?

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not....I simply don't know. You know?

I'm kind of with you... My wife thinks the same about me but how do I know? I'm not prepared to do anything about it either. Is the belief that I don't need help part of the problem?

Ditto on what Nik said.  When it happens you will definately know it.  It's not the same as blowing your kids' college funds at the tables and then stewing about how you're going to tell the wife.  I mean, it could set it off.  It's funny cuz while i was going through it, i couldn't recall what it felt to be normal, but now that i am for the most part fine, i can vividly recall what it felt like.  I can only speak of my own experience.  It's a blanket of dread and darkness like no other and it becomes debilitating to the point where even simple tasks seem monumental.  It's becomes a great deal just to brush your teeth in the morning.  Someone mentioned the bleak outlook...that feeling just pervades all that you do.  You lose interest in just about EVERYTHING, perhaps except to self diagnose, and try as you might you just can't shake it off.  Fear that you will lose your friends and you'll be all alone.   And this is just the 'inside' part...nevermind the physical manifestations - can't eat, and feeling like you need to vomit after a few mouthfuls.  Constant lump and sinking feeling in your chest.  Sleep 2 hours a night for days on end.  Presence of a low fever, but no one can detect it (falls in normal range).  I was also getting very noticable shakes in my hands along with intermittent heart palpitations...sometimes nervously fast, sometimes painfully slow.  I even had symptoms consistent with STD's, or urinary tract infection, although i was 100% sure i didn't and doctors did enough tests to rule everything out.  Doctors asked me to do an HIV test and for 2 weeks I even convinced myself the possibility i might have gotten HIV from prior GF or something...also ruled out.  My condition was all i thought about and it totally consumed me for several months and i was left extremely exhausted and eventually not caring what happened to me.  I stopped grooming and went to work everday looking pretty disheveled, it just took too much effort.  At work i would just stare at the screen cuz i wouldn't know where to start.  My brain felt foggy and it was very hard to think especially if it involved multiple steps.  Brain and body felt numb...slightly fuzzy.  Everything feels surreal.  yeah, i think i covered it.

Man, that's rough. Sorry to hear. 

[Tigger]

I've discussed elements of my personal/family life with a few folks from this board/old board. Both my mother and father have suffered from depression, my mom clinical, my dad probably but stubborn and formidable in his approach to combating it.

I think I have a sense of the 'culture' of depression more than actually being depressed though it took me an awfully long time and a fair investment learning the family history to figure out the jigsaw puzzle, well as best as I have anyways. Before that was a pretty confusing and frustrating few decades, not knowing why I had these feelings nor their origins.

That's not 'blame' talking either, fwiw.

I worry for my daughter a bit, she's smart as whip but already has shown a few signs. It's a tough go. Being aware of it seems to be a key to keep it in check. Developing some kind of conscious awareness of what Jung refers to as the 'shadow' helped me some, even more so once I understood the context of my own backstory more fully.

[sucka]

Would anyone have advice for someone dealing with loved ones who are depressed?

For me, I was filled with an emptiness inside.  That's another feeling i should have mentioned in my prior post becuase it was very central to what i was feeling.  Very empty...I would suggest that you help you this person by perhaps doing more social things, maybe as simply as jogging together.  Try joining social groups that focus on things he/she was interested in, fill that void inside.  Be a part of the action, not as observers.  Be there to let him talk about it.  For me, i think there was a link between lack of sleep and depression, and they just fed each other in a vicious cycle.  Maybe take them away to an idyllic fishing trip, but keep him busy with things to do - pitch the tent, start fire, cook etc.  but give plenty of time to sleep in and as much as he needs (although i've heard of others who sleep alot due to depression).

[Tigger]

Yeah sucka, do the little things socially and encourage sleep. Defer causes for argument where possible too, well not always but, y'know?

[Bullfrog]

Yeah sucka, do the little things socially and encourage sleep. Defer causes for argument where possible too, well not always but, y'know?

That's a touchy one too, because while I knew I was suffering, the last thing I ever wanted was to be treated with kid gloves. It just reinforces that you're "broken." That's how it was for me.

[Bullfrog]

Would anyone have advice for someone dealing with loved ones who are depressed?

One thing to remember is that while they can take steps to alleviate it and get well, it's still somewhat out of their control. Never tell them to "snap out of it." I was told that a few times. I felt like screaming. Believe me, people suffering from depression want nothing more than to snap out of it, but it doesn't happen like that. It's like asking someone with cancer to shake it off.

One thing I might suggest is trying to do stuff with them without trying to force them. Tread gently in suggestions. Taking walks is a great idea because the exercise, sunshine, and companionship is exactly what a depressed person needs.

[Tigger]

Yeah sucka, do the little things socially and encourage sleep. Defer causes for argument where possible too, well not always but, y'know?

That's a touchy one too, because while I knew I was suffering, the last thing I ever wanted was to be treated with kid gloves. It just reinforces that you're "broken." That's how it was for me.

I agree there's a balance and that reinforcement should be discouraged. I don't see anything wrong with a blemish on the sidelines, that's life.