Remembering Sakura Handa: 1968-2005
TMLFans.ca – A community united in mourning

For the past six days we have come together to grieve. Hockey fans from all across the globe, originally united by a fanaticism over the Toronto Maple Leafs, but – within 24 hours of July 14, 2005 – communal for all the wrong reasons.

The untimely passing of Sakura Handa; friend, companion and confidant, has devastated our on-line family. In the hours that have passed since her ill-fated accident in New Russia Township, Ohio, an eerie sense of morbidity and finality has been evident over the discussion forums. The camaraderie among friends is cheery, but not as cheery. The updates of Leaf prospects are thorough, but not as thorough. The entire site itself is still vibrant, but not as vibrant.

For that is what Sakura, known affectionately to all as m-gro, brought to our website. Without effort, but through her genuine congeniality, she made the TMLFans.ca message boards a better place to visit.

The rippling effect of her creativity and effervescent personality throughout our internet forums is nothing short of remarkable.

The minor league prospects' threads, whether they played in St. John's, Memphis, Greensboro or Pensacola. The “song titles” game - still the 9th-highest board topic in the history of our site. The various birthday threads - if no one got there first - for board members (including the one for the author of this column, last fall). The topic starters: m-gro.

Ever post in the “All Purpose Complaint Thread?”. Again, another idea put forth by m-gro. For anyone who has felt even just a little bit better by venting your personal day-to-day frustrations in that thread, you can credit Sakura for providing that vehicle.

Be all of that as it may, certainly her all-too-short-life isn’t measured by the numbers in the TMLFans.ca thread-post-reply counter. Rather, it is gauged by the number of people whose lives she touched, the number of smiles she gave, and the number of kind words she had. And, on that scale – well let’s just say that there was no maximum for her to deliver on any of those things.

Her compassionate nature was evident in the way she greeted new message board members, always with a welcoming presence. It was seen in her loyalty to the close friendships she kept; the extended chats with Prokopios, the hockey games and tailgate parties she attended with Angel, the blog-entry exchanges with BMan, the barbecues she hosted, the events she attended.

Sakura, a.k.a. m-gro (far right) always had a cheerful smile.

Her kindness was reflected in her love for children. You could see it in the photos in which she posed with Heroic Shrimp’s baby son Jonathan. You could read about it in the stories of her warmth and generosity towards AlmosGirl’s kids Dylan and Stephanie. And you could observe it in the support she gave Damian’s son Terry when the young goalie was initially diagnosed with cancer. Terry has since been diagnosed with a clean bill of health. When our TMLFans.ca “Get Well Terry” forum was closed upon receiving this good news, m-gro was the first person to respond with words of congratulation.

In many ways it’s not inaccurate to compare Sakura’s presence in the TMLFans.ca Discussion Forum with Rocket Richard’s presence in the Montreal Forum (apologies for the Habs analogy aside). The Rocket could bring the crowd to its feet...m-gro could bring the boards into a lively and fun discussion. You could count on the Rocket for a goal...you could count on m-gro for a friendly or supportive word.

But the comparison comes into focus even more when you consider that – when Richard was honoured with a 7-minute standing ovation at the closing of the Forum in ’96 - easily one-half to two-thirds of the sellout crowd had never even seen him play. Likewise, several of the accolades for our friend m-gro have come from people who have never actually met her. They knew her through a message board name. They knew her through a computer screen and a few keyboard strokes, but never actually had the chance to greet her in person. Just as for the many Habs fans who weren’t even born until after Richard’s last game in 1960, it was just the mere mention of the name that made you feel that you were in the presence of someone special.

Then again, maybe the analogy is flawed. After all, Richard only won one NHL Award – the 1947 Hart Trophy. m-gro won four TMLFans.ca Poster Awards, as both the 2003 Nicest Person and also Favourite Female, and repeating the feat in 2004.

While speaking of hockey, it goes without saying that m-gro’s legacy will carry on into the next TMLFans hockey game, scheduled to be played this fall. Sakura never stepped on the ice for even a second for any of our games, yet she always as integral a part of the event as anyone else. Her photographic skills preserved the images flawlessly, to be remembered by anyone who was present, and to be shared with anyone who was not present. You may think of her role in the same capacity as what Graig Abel is to the current Maple Leafs, or what the Turofsky brothers were to Ted Kennedy, Syl Apps, and Bill Barilko. Or even what Denis Brodeur was to Team Canada, 1972. Yes, I like that comparison better if for no other reason than Denis’ son is a pretty good goalie, with the Devils – I think! (hey m-gro, you didn't think I’d write about you without mentioning Marty at least once, did you?) Yes we’ll feel her absence the next we, the TMLFans.ca team, lace up the blades. Of course, what she would say is simply: “Don't worry about it”.

Simple words that were her instructions for life. "Don’t worry about it".

A perfect segue into this brief segment of my initial experience of meeting her in person. Yes m-gro, I'm going to tell the red wine story, hope you're not making any deals with anyone up there to strike me down with a lightning bolt...

I first had the pleasure of meeting Sakura when she hosted a Canada Day barbecue two years ago. I was so charmed by her that I invited her out to dinner the following week. Roast duck and red wine at a quaint little place in the Bloor West Village, not a bad way to spend an evening, eh? Although, as some members of the Venutian-gender may attest, when you’re out with Rob – be prepared for anything! To this day, I still don’t know how it happened, but one second I was holding the glass of red wine in my hand. The next second, half of it was on the table (the good news is that I didn’t get any on HER!) Yet I’d spilled enough to make our server move us to another table. To anyone out there who’s ever had an awkward moment in that type of setting – hey, give up a round of sarcastic applause for Robbie.

She started a private message conversation the following day, thanking me in appreciation for the dinner and in her initial note was the line “As for the red wine…don’t worry about it. “

Words to live by.

It would end up being our only evening together in a non-group setting, it just wasn’t "that" type of friendship. That night was two years ago. Yet I can still recall the low at feeling so clumsy and stupid. Followed by the reassuring high. “Don’t worry about it”.

And so must be the collective mindset of those who knew her, who cared for her and who loved her. Her departure leaves an unfulfilled void among those of us, yours truly included, who regret not having really said goodbye before she embarked on her new career which was to start at Ohio’s Oberlin College. For my colleague Darryl who described her in his blog as like having an older sister. For fellow moderator Iafrate, who tried to match his schedule with m-gro’s this summer to meet up, but couldn’t. Angel, BMan, AlmosGirl, M.I., thrill_me_mogilny, the list goes on. That “next barbecue” or “Blue Jackets road trip” will not happen now. But as we feel saddened by our loss, we just have to think what Sakura would say.

“Don’t worry about it.”

To sum up what m-gro has meant to our community has taken me a few hours. To sum up what she has given to each individual would take a lifetime. This column could not have been written without the collective thoughts of each and every person in the memorial thread which was started with a heavy heart on the evening after our friend left this world. I have read that thread in its entirety to be able to assist me in compiling my thoughts – if I have not referred to your specific memory of Sakura, by no means does it diminish its importance. Time and space don’t permit me to mention everyone. Nor does my emotional capacity, for I can only read about so many of her good deeds before I break down at the thought of having this joyful life extinguished so soon.

At the time that this column written, there were 158 posts in Sakura’s memorial thread. The messages were worded differently, the sentiment was the same. Among Sakura’s many attributes, she was upbeat, caring, compassionate, friendly, kind, and warm, and will forever be missed.

158 minds echoing the same thought. How often do you have a unanimous opinion of that many people in an internet message board?

And so we’ve assembled as a single website community, to reflect, to seek solace, and to say goodbye. Our locations are scattered throughout the area of Toronto, the city in which she lived, and its suburbs: Scarborough, Oshawa, Brampton, Mississauga, and North York. Further reaching across the province, our fellow mourners are based in places like Windsor, Pembroke, Guelph, London and North Bay. From Vancouver to St. John’s and beyond our national border to Philadelphia, Chicago, Scotland, and Sweden, we all unite as one.

To shed a few, or more, tears for our loss. But also, to celebrate her life.

May God rest her soul.